To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

I'm on your side! When I was about 8 months pregnant with my youngest, we took a day trip to visit a friend about 1.5 hours travel away. She is a lovely person, but didn't offer anything to eat or drink during our 2 hour stay at her place. I remember being so hungry but it didn't feel right to ask for something to eat. Admittedly, could have used my words but it felt awkward.
Edited to add - may be an age thing - I was early forties, she was late twenties

You don't have to believe anything really. You can just skip the thread too.
Also I saw the open bag almost as a devine intervention - to keep me going. Yes I was sitting on the toilet seat enjoying every bite of those crackers and thought to myself - good for me.

I don’t think it’s necessary to bring out food that may go completely uneaten. But it’s definitely pretty basic manners to ask invited visitors, especially if they’ve had to travel, if they’d like something.

I'm English, but have also lived in the US for 4 years, and I'm shocked at how inhospitable your friends were.
Especially as you had driven 2 hours to see them!
And you're pregnant!

Honestly, I would have invited you for lunch if you're travelling at least 4 hours to see me. Or maybe afternoon tea.
But the absolute bare minimum is cups (plural) of tea or coffee with biscuits and cake. And water.

I can't understand how so many people have voted you're being unreasonable!

Why didn’t you bring enough snacks for yourself if knowing out all day and 4hrs of travelling there and back

staying with someone for 2hrs most people won’t feed you

tho obv biccys or cake would have been nice along with the drink

next time take cake or biscuits not chocolates

There will be no next time.

Not offering snacks during a 2hr visit between meals is on the less-thoughtful end of the normal scale; ie not amazing hosting but fairly unremarkable. However, if you’re aware your guests had driven a 3hr round trip to visit you at your request, and haven’t even stretched to a pack of digestives, then it becomes actively thoughtless and borderline rude.

I expect they’ll just have been a bit wrapped up in themselves and were probably seeing it through their lens of ‘friends popping round for a drink’, without really stopping to think about your experience of the day. They’d probably be mortified if they had the faintest awareness of how you were feeling about it. I wouldn’t get hung up on it, just one of those things.

That is much, much weirder than not offering food for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

Waaay too try hard 🙄

If someone travelled 90 minutes to visit me would cook you a meal. But at the very least they should have offered you finger food.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing or they are socially clueless but personally I would prefer to offer some home made scones and biscuits.if I was under pressure I’d buy them in but I wouldn’t ask someone to the house without a food available.

This is just basic etiquette.

It’s really not you OP.

Of course it’s normal to offer something when you’ve invited people and they’ve travelled some distance to be with you.

You've unfortunately just attracted the MN competitive undereaters with this thread.

And under hosters too!

I remember thinking when I was pregnant, I’d never really understood the meaning of food “not touching the sides” until then. Sometimes you’d eat something and it was like eating nothing.

And no, I wasn’t overweight when pregnant nor beforehand or for several years afterwards (am a bit now that I’m menopausal unfortunately!)

So utterly bizarre that these are good enough friends for you to drive 90 minutes to see but you can't say "I'm really hungry have you got anything I could have to eat?" Who has friends they can't ask directly for a snack while at their house?

As I wrote before, I honestly thought they are about to offer something any minute...it just never happened. And as odd as it may sound I would have totally been comfortable asking for food at an acquaintance's house - because we don't know eachother well so I am being more explicit about what I'd like.
But this I almost found hostile and plain rude in the end.
The fact that we are friends also contributed to me not wanting to stay nearby in a pub - I thought if they stumbled upon us it would be clear to them that we were in fact hungry and that they failed as hosts not offering some finger food at least or suggesting we go for a meal...
Just an odd situation.

You should have asked for some toast or brought snacks, most non pregnant people go between meals without snacking

If that was me I’d think ‘oh it’s dinner time now so they’re eating at dinner time, like we are.’
if they were trying to be ‘feed them’ hosts they’d have fed you. I don’t think they were trying to host I think they just wanted to show off their home and see you.

What do you mean 'they were not trying to host' - ffs we did not break into their home. They invited us to be their house guests for the afternoon - that by definition makes them the hosts.
We can't possibly be all guests in their own home.
I am just baffled by the amount of people not getting the concept of hosting. Do you think there is actually an option of inviting people over and not hosting? Like - hey we'd love to have you around on Sunday afternoon but mind you we are not the hosts!! (Well who is it then??)

Tye host has some responsibilities - e.g. greeting you at the door, showing you in where to.sit (or stand), and yes offering some refreshments - now we can agree or disagree if and when this should include snacks or finger food or a meal - hence the thread.
But now claiming they were not even hosting is really next level...

Several decades ago I remember being invited by an acquaintance to visit her one evening. It involved a bus trip across the city on a freezing cold February night. I had a bottle of wine in my bag and assumed she would probably get out some nibbles. Cheese and biscuits, fruit or something of the after dinner sort. I did not expect a meal.There was no heating on so I kept my coat on, remarking how cold it was. She told me that as her lodgers were away she was economising on the heating while allowing her guest to freeze because I was not paying. After about half an hour with no nibbles appearing I asked for a cup of coffee to warm me up. She made one, remarking that she didn't even have so much as a biscuit in the house. I asked her if I had maybe come on the wrong night and had she really been expecting me. The answer was in the affirmative. Much earlier than I had intended to go I left, taking my unopened bottle of wine with me. I flagged a taxi home.

Considering the distance I had travelled on public transport and the time of year I had expected at least the offer of a snack as basic hospitality. I considered that abysmal rudeness. The kind of thing you would do if someone dropped in casually and you wanted them t leave. I never visited her again.

The only time I have been in this kind of situation is when the couple are stressed or at odds with each other secretly, and it turns into treating friends badly in situations where they have to seem to act as a unit.

For all the posters who have not been pregnant, or diabetic, or had migraines, or the kind of fatigue or long Covid with sugar drops, or fluctuating premenstrual hormones, keep some fucking snacks in for the many of us who need them.

Yeah...this really resonates with how we felt driving back and being stuck in traffic on Sunday afternoon - literally as if we dropped by unannounced (and unwanted!!)

If OP had a two hour drive there than she also had a two hour drive back. Plus two hours chatting. So that's 6 hours according to my math.

The hostess with the mostest
has been superseded by
The leastest with the feastest
as far as some posters here are concerned

Maybe this is why people just meet in cafes most of the time these days? Avoids any drama and there's a clear expectation. I'd offer a snack but what I'd offer would depend on the time of day. I'd be pretty clear in inviting either over lunch or afternoon tea/morning tea, depending what I wanted to offer. I do find a lot of guests decline snacks though, so I can understand why some might give up offering. You go to the effort and it's wasted.

Early afternoon means to me after lunch, and I would assume you have eaten lunch at some point prior to arriving.

Being friends though, I would have thought they should know what you drink...?

Every year we get a family group dropping by who knew DH when he was younger, and there is an expectation they will be here for several cups of tea/coffee. This past visit they brought slices, and I served sausage rolls, cake and other slices. The visit is pleasant, but I also have outside things to do (rural) and it can drag on too long. That's when I stop offering drinks.

If there's a next time, perhaps suggest by combining it with a visit to a cafe first and then back to theirs?

This doesn't strike me as a cultural thing, more them being socially off and clueless. I'm American and live in the US and it is very typical to make drinks and snacks available to anyone coming over. If someone has just driven 2 hours to see you, I think it's downright rude to offer nothing to eat. It's often the first thing that happens. I'd be asking if you wanted to take anything with you, too. Not nice behavior on their part, but bad manners can be a multicultural phenomenon.