To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Have you not read my posts?

😂

Oh, wait... I do have a bit of Irish ancestry... 🤔

Look, my point still stands that I’d have offered food to my guest, but I wouldn’t begrudge someone who didn’t offer food.

HOWEVER, you decided to drive 2 hours there and back for a few hours catching up. I don’t know if I’d do that, regardless of how much I wanted to see a friend. Seems like a lot of effort when it could have been a FaceTime for now and a proper catch up (a full day, weekend etc) at another time.

Alternatively, could it be they are struggling financially to offer snacks and multiple hot drinks? They could also just be a bit stingy of course (some people just are and that’s just life). My mum was unable to provide snacks to my friends/neighbours kids when we were growing up because of how poor we were and I was always so ashamed about it.

I always offer food or snacks, drinks and biscuits. Have also been shocked by people not offering. Once had a morning to early afternoon play date with a mum I didnt know, I couldn't get away because my husband dropped me and went off with the husband. She didnt even offer tea after the 1st cup. I stole my sons fish fingers.

Well I’m sorry your friend treated you this way. It’s definitely weird to invite someone and go on about it and know how far they’ve driven and then not provide anything to eat/hardly anything to drink. So, I’m sure it was a bit unexpected and you didn’t really know how to take it or how to respond at the time. What a shame it turned out that way.

I don’t get why people have been the way they have about you expecting certain things of your hosts. If you go to a friends house for a couple of hours you’d expect to be offered a drink - not because you’re incapable of getting your own drink, but because you’re at their house. Sometimes people just like being contrary on here I think.

So this is really a work relationship of your DH's and the wives are along for the ride? I have some like that. My enthusiasm for them wanes according to how I feel about my DH in the moment. To me, they are a favour to him. If they weren't on the best of terms that afternoon, that could be why you felt a decline in energy from her.

I usually make a cake, scones etc if anyone’s dropping by ( even the neighbours ) and knowing you were travelling quite far I’d have done sandwiches
So yes I’m surprised you got nothing

@Blondeshavemorefun why should op take own snack and if she did, it would be rude to eat her own snacks in her hosts home without ensuring there’s enough to go around should anyone else want some. Let’s just agree it’s cultural differences and the way you are brought up

Many posters have said that OP should have brought snacks with her in the car, but I never keep snacks in the car. Why? Because I will eat them! I have absolutely no willpower. Plus, if I ate them in the car, I would be too full to enjoy all snacks that my friends went to the trouble to prepare.

Seems abit stingy not have something, even if it's just some value range biscuits.
I wouldn't bother if a friend was just popping round locally but if someone was coming from another town or further then I'd def use them as an excuse for cake!😄

Ah!

I posted and then read back some posts
I’m Irish
so isn’t in that normal in England to feed guests ?

@ReadingSoManyThreads
mm.. that explains my SIL then

It’s normal for me (no Irish ancestry that I know of) and all the English people I’ve ever visited!

I’m really surprised how many people on this thread wouldn’t offer anything.

As is the basic concept of giving visitors something when they visit

or at least I thought it was till this thread

I’m with you OP. We have a babysitter tonight and I’ve put out a veggie plate, pretzels and will be telling her to help herself to ice cream. And have made pizza for her and DC. I don’t think she is expecting it but she’s trapped in my home looking after my DC so it seems polite to make sure there is food. I am american and can confirm we normally offer people rude. The only situation I can recall that is as you described was what I deemed to be a super rude British friend. Asked for my help doing something and was a bit desperate so I agreed to cut another outing short to see her. Then proceeded to not even offer me a cuppa. Vast majority of anyone I’ve visited would offer food and drinks!

Ironicaly the mumsnet server just went down for me and the standard alert is

They are making a cup
of tea and fishing down the back of the sofa…..maybe looking for that elusive biscuit.
perhaps OP they are at your friends house
🤣🤣

Then there’s this of course
The time OP was invited was afternoon tea time

‘ Traditional English afternoon tea is served between 3:00 PM and 5:00 PM, with 4:00 PM considered the optimal and most classic time. It was originally designed to bridge the hunger gap between lunch and dinner. 1, 2]’

So you wouldn’t get anything in extra if you invited people over
?

And in England, they don't even do the Mrs. Doyle thing when offering tea. It goes like this:

English Host: Would you like a cup of tea?
Irish Guest: Ach no, I shouldn't.
English Host: Ok (then does not offer again throughout the whole visit).
Irish Guest: (Feels confused as to why the host didn't ask again and spends the rest of the visit with a dry throat and annoyed they've no tea, little mind cake).

When back home it would be:

Irish Host: Will I put the kettle on?
Irish Guest: Ach no, I'm grand
Irish Host: Go on, you will
Irish Guest: Ah go on then, if you're making one anyways

Host then goes on to produce a full spread of freshly made sandwiches, and handmade scones and cakes...guest leaves stuffed.

So, there we go, as we reach the end of this thread, it is completely clear that there is a wide range of cultural norms. You cannot expect that what you think, is what others will think. Your ‘basic manners’ are my ‘uncomfortable pressure’; and your ‘unbelievable rudeness’ is my ‘that’s completely normal.’

The only thing unreasonable is to expect everyone to be the same.

Because she is responsible for managing her own needs

I don't keep snacks in my car. If we're going out for the day, sure. The kind of snacks that would keep stored in the car aren't the kind of thing I'm likely to eat at all though.

Grandad ( Westmeath ) always had ham in the fridge in case anyone popped by
He lived in the middle of nowhere
No one visited
but he still bought that ham every week
and kept it just in case and even though he lived on far less ❤️

If I have that stuff in the house j will eat it so I don’t, same with bread etc

A simple chair, a plate of bread,
A quiet space where you are fed.
Not just the body, built of bone,
But making sure you are not alone.
The kindly hands that slice the fruit,
That stir the pot and watch it root,
Are offering more than just a meal;
They give a warmth you truly feel.
To take a stranger from the cold,
And hear the stories they have told,
To pass the platter, share the wine,
Is where our human spirits shine.
For in the breaking of the crust,
We build a bridge of quiet trust.
The greatest feast is always this:
A loving heart, a table's bliss.

Friendships we may miss

Who wrote that?

Guests here are always offered tea/coffee and food, even tradesmen are asked if they'd like a coffee if they're going to be at the house for a while.

To me, it seems very rude to have guests in your home and not offer anything to eat or drink.