To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

I would have offered business or cake, but you sound a bit overdramatic OP. Why didn’t you have something in your handbag or car?

YANBU - absolutely terrible hosting on their part. The fact that you travelled 2 hours there and two hours back and they barely offered you a cup of tea! If I had friends travelling that far I’d have cooked a full meal or at the very least had some sandwiches and cake ready.

She did have something in the car! That's part of what's bonkers about it.

BISCUITS! not business

I'd have been disappointed too! My first thought when anyone comes to our house is "what can I offer"? Usually we always have a selection of dried fruit and nuts and bread sticks (we LOVE bread sticks...) ready to go, then I might slice some fresh fruit or bake something or pick something fun up from the shop depending on the situation. Even a workman gets a biscuit/date with his coffee.

I also felt really sick if I didn't eat frequently in my 2nd pregnancy. I think I might have asked for a piece of toast or something and laughed it off.

I would absolutely have provided delicious snacks (if in between meal times) especially given how far you travelled (even just to show gratitude for visiting!) and being pregnant. I remember visiting my in laws and then dh cousin's and other family when I was pregnant and it was over morning/ lunch time. All we were offered were biscuits at one house. They knew about the consecutive visits. I cried when I got in the car. Could have also been the hormones 😂 but I thought it was ridiculous!

It depends on what you're into. I like baking, so I bake people cakes. Some of my friends like baking so they bake me cakes.
I'm not saying baking is expected, I'm saying it may well have been what I would have done
Taking something to a house you are going to, especially if it's a new home, is expected, and providing substenance for your guests is also expected.

But these are your friends OP. Are you really that buttoned up you couldn’t just say something to people you presumably like and know well? Some people really have strange relationships.

And the not having dinner in the pub thing in case they saw you is really weird.

bloody fruit platters? You’d have been given a BBQ or proper dinner and cake in this house.

@GetAbsOrDieTrying I don’t have a gardener, cleaner or handyman
Maybe it’s just me and my friends but I frequently get invited to friends homes in an evening and vice versa - it’s always drinks only - wine, tea coffee gin n tonic soft drink options etc - no one ever offers food even nuts crisps biscuits etc

I know what you mean because I have friends like that that I absolutely feel free even rummaging through their fridge (when they suggest to do so). These are my girlfriends that I know for a long long time and they feel equally comfortable at my place.
This couple is a more recent (2-3 year old) friendship and it started as work colleagues (have been ex colleagues - the husbands), so it never really clicked as natural, maybe we are already too old to bond that way, but it always feels a bit rigid.
I can't call them acquaintances because it is def more than that, but it's still definitely not 'Jeez Sandra where's the food ffs' situation.

Sounds like wires crossed / expectations.. was it you who said you'd only be able to stay a couple of hours? If so, I wouldn't prepare food for you. And I wouldn't buy suitable snacks just for one couple visiting for 2hrs. My default snacks aren't really the kind you lay out for guests(!) To say you were nauseated after only about 4 hours of having not eaten... Right. That's not normal. But I don't know your eating habits.

I do agree that they probably didn't factor in your 2-4 hr roundtrip. Maybe bring food with you next time and mention that "it's such a long journey, we need to refuel".. make a joke out of it and see if they take the hint. Maybe invite them to yours asap and teach them how you expect to be treated.

Some people have different social rules. There are plenty of people saying this yet you decide they are all thick.

Self reflection is often useful in these situations.

I agree with you here OP if I didn’t eat at least every 2hrs when I was pregnant I would end up incredibly nauseous. In fact eating little and often is a recommended strategy for managing pregnancy nausea and vomiting. So for someone who is pregnant this is not a mountain out of a molehill.

I do always offer at least some biscuits, fruit etc. if someone comes and if they have travelled a long way like you I would probably put more effort in to acknowledge this. I did however always have my own snacks to hand in case of issues like this 🙈

How would people know that though unless they have experienced it?

I'm wondering if there was something else going on, like maybe they got into a big fight just before you arrived and therefore were not in the mood for hosting.

It's not just that the didn't offer you anything to eat, it seems like they wanted you to leave asap. Something has changed between the morning texts and.your arrival.

Were they both involved in the planning of this vsit?

It was the OP who cut the visit short as apparently she was very hungry

The wife was involved, it was her and me that texted, and her energy in the texts definitely didn't match their energy when we arrived..so maybe you are onto something

If I knew someone was coming to visit for two hours I'd probably get in some biscuits or offer them something if I had something suitable, e.g. crackers and cheese. But as a guest I wouldn't expect anything or think it rude not to be offered anything unless it had been mentioned in the invitation. I'd have made sure I had had enough beforehand or on the way to keep my blood sugar up. And if not offered anything and felt starving probably wouldn't have stayed that long. I wouldn't have felt entitled to be offered something.

You were there for what - 90 minutes between 3&5pm. That isn’t a time when most people would usually eat and it would be reasonable to assume you’d had lunch and would be eating dinner later.

Some people graze throughout the day, others eat meals and don’t snack between them. Maybe they are in this camp and wouldn’t think to offer you food during a brief visit as they would not eat at that time themselves.

Not everyone buys or makes stuff like cakes and biscuits.

Why didn't you mention it? You could have said Do you have a few cookies? I've been so hungry this past while. Or make sure to have a few granola bars in your purse.
Most of my friends just go through my cupboards and find a snack for themselves.

My point was - if you don’t want to remain friends with these people (and I don’t blame you, as I said it is rude of them to not have offered you anything) why were you still bothered about the idea you might have upset them by asking for a snack? It’s not a fake friendship if you say “aren’t you going to offer me anything to eat?” That’s honest. Acting like they’ve done nothing wrong and even making sure to not go to a nearby pub in case they happened to go in and saw you and knew you were hungry - that is dishonest. It’s not helping them understand that this was their problem, their rudeness. So you are also a fake friend.

Clearly I didn't feel comfortable enough to ask for food or be explicit about being hungry or implying that we thought there would be some refreshments provided (we still had a 2 hour trip back ahead of us!).
So, as I said, it's not friendship then really is it...
And regardless if I plan to remain friends or not - I don't want to put them in awkward or embarrassing position (although now I realise many people would not be embarrassed at all finding out their guests left their home hungry - it's completely acceptable to many).

"Not everyone buys or makes stuff like cakes and biscuits."
Who are these animals??? 😲

I was slightly aghast when reading your opening post, then when I came to the nationalities at the end, it all made sense. Cultural differences.

You need Irish friends - we put on a full spread, even for unexpected visitors.

I do find it weird (living in England), when you don't get offered more than one solitary cuppa tea.

Nothing beats the Irish hospitality when it comes to hosting visitors!