To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

i think YABU as it was not at a meal time and you should have asked for something. Also you should have gone to the pub as DH suggested. Also keep lots of snacks in the car and your handbag so you are never caught short.

If someone visited me for 2 hours, it wouldn't even occur to me to offer a snack.

I don't eat cake or biscuits so never have them in and I wouldn't think of buying them if someone came round.

I don't expect to be offered snacks if I visit someone else and rarely am.

What is this constant need for snack some people have and an inability to sit in someone else's house for 2 hours without eating something?

When I was pregnant, I carried my own food.

Why would it have been awkward to bump into them in the pub later? I'd have thought that visiting someone fora couple of hours and then going out for dinner would be a normal thing to do.

I would always offer something in that situation but probably only some biscuits/cake which sounds as though it wouldn't have made the difference between you feeling 'starved.' Most people wouldn't offer anything more substantial at about 2-3pm, because most people don't eat full meals at that time.

It was only two hours! They didn't know you'd only had a light lunch, for all they knew you had eaten loads, or had eaten somewhere near theirs, so very recently, or were planning to go for food straight after - which you did! I also don't see why it would be awkward or weird if they'd seen you in the pub near theirs later - by that point it would be evening so eating in a pub would be a normal thing to do!

If I was that hungry I would have just made an excuse to leave earlier rather than literally stealing food from an open bag! That's really weird and a million times ruder than them not offering you a biscuit!

YANBU. dreadful hosts. I wouldn’t be returning.

Surely most people eat lunch at about 1pm and dinner at 7/8pm and manage not to be nauseous with hunger in between!

I think if someone came to my house for two hours in the middle of the afternoon and not over a mealtime, I wouldn’t necessarily offer food either….! I would’ve assumed they ate lunch already and will eat dinner once they leave

I’m in NI and most people here are like Mrs Doyle, staggering in with a mountain of sandwiches. And maybe a cake with cocaine - no, raisins - in it🤣 There is no way on earth that I, or anyone else here, would serve a drink without some sort of snack. Even if the guests have only popped by for half an hour. I don’t mind if they don’t eat any of it, but it’s polite and hospitable to offer.

People snack too often nowadays. It's one of the reasons we have an obesity crisis.

I don’t think I’d offer food for a 2 hour visit mid-afternoon. All these people offering cake and biscuits - I don’t have those in my house! I’d offer food if it was over a meal time.

Well maybe they thought you would have had lunch on the way, or eaten a more substantial lunch which would have been the sensible thing to do. It’s no one else’s job to make sure you eat properly.

I’m really surprised by how many posters on Mumsnet evidently haven’t experienced pregnancy hunger nausea.

Are you not good enough friends that you can say "I'm a bit hungry after that drive, shall we go grab something to eat?" Or "have you tried any food round here yet? DH and I are going to get something on the way home" or even "FFS I am ravenous since becoming pregnant, have you got something I can eat so I don't get nauseous?"

I don't think it was rude of them not to offer, but I would have offered. But then again my friends know what's mine is theirs and theirs is mine when we visit each other so I'd have happily said one sec, I'm just going to nick a few of your crackers.

Well, quite.

Not everyone 'snacks'.

Unless I'm inviting someone round for lunch or dinner, I don't think it's rude to not offer food, though it's rude to not offer a drink. I do offer biscuits or cake with the drink if I have it in, but usually I don't and it's not something I'd go out and buy specially for a between meals visit. If you can't go 4 hours between meals you need to start carrying snacks around with you.

I did. But I managed it myself. I didn't visit people completely unprepared and expect them to anticipate my needs.

Unlike @Rubuxus who has been pregnant more than once but still thinks it’s crazy that a pregnant woman would need a snack over a six hour period. Any normal person would expect to offer a pregnant woman a snack knowing they have travelled for two hours and have the same journey back. Unless they have an eating disorder so just don’t get it.

I would never dream of giving an adult a snack during a 2 hour visit. Drinks absolutely but not a snack. We don't even have biscuits and cake in the house

Actually, I'd expect a pregnant woman to meet her own snack needs especially given how many women go off foods and can only eat certain things due to nausea.

I wonder if this is an age or a regional thing. If anyone calls round when I am expecting them the first thing I do as they sit down is offer them a drink, and when I bring it I'd bring biscuits or cake too.

This would be friend or workman.

It's what my friends do, too. They can always refuse.

but you could say that about lots of things - if you've never followed a particular diet, done a certain amount of exercise, had a specific illness, be receiving certain treatment...etc. You can't expect the host to have experienced all those things! Surely at some point OP as an adult takes ownership and either asks for a biscuit because she's feeling unwell or suggests it's time to leave and goes to get something herself.

Also, a) good job blaming the woman rather than the male partner b) why assume 'when' she's pregnant in time rather than 'if?'

I’ve been a ravenous pregnant woman but I still wouldn’t expect to be fed every two hours by people whose house I was visiting.

When I was a hungry pregnant person, I was the only one who knew I was hungry and how much food I required and so I made sure I had enough.

It’s not a host’s responsibility to spidey sense that a pregnant woman is hungry - OP said herself that sickness kept her visiting sooner so the host may well have thought she wouldn’t want food if she had struggled with morning sickness.

Not every single pregnant woman is hungry all the time and, if OP was on this occasion, she could’ve just said “I didn’t get chance for much lunch and I’m starving, do you mind if I have a couple of biscuits with my tea” or similar!

Staying quiet and then moaning that secret needs weren’t met is bizarre behaviour

I think for me it is the time and distance that you've travelled to get there, and yes, I would've offered you something to eat.

On the other hand, if my friend who lived 10 minutes away was coming over at around 2pm, I probably wouldn't even think to ask if they wanted food.

YANBU. Of course it's incredibly rude to not offer guests anything especially a pregnant woman.
However this is MN and there are a lot of people here who don't know much about being hospitable. So don't expect much support here.

It's quite eye-opening for me to hear such a variety of responses.
I hear you all, but still can't really accept this as normal.
It's not like we surprised them or pushed for coming. They were on an on about - oh you must come and visit over tye weekend for the last 3 months, we arranged this date a month ago....
They know I am pregnant (but let's not make it about that, to me this is equally rude regardless of pregnancy, the pregnancy just contributed to the fact that I was feeling so hungry I had to grab something from the counter myself).
I mean I would have been fine if we all went together for a meal after having cup of tea at their's.
But again - I felt this was on them to suggest - considering they are hosts and they may know a place to recommend or where they like to go to (we've never been there before and I am not planning to go there again).
All in all super awkward...

. My dil would have made a beautiful spread if a pregnant friend drove 2 hours to visit. I would have probably bake a pie or something, and put out cheese and crackers.

I am American and definitely would have offered snack and probably a meal. I think it was just them not any nationality.