To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Regardless of whether it’s processed or not, snacking is a new phenomenon

It’s not. The concept of snacking i.e. having something light between meals has been going on for hundreds of years.

https://www.oed.com/dictionary/nuncheon_n

Actually, if I’m visiting I would take posh biscuits or a cake!

If you object to the use of the word ‘gorge’ take it out but my point remains valid.

I didn't know that many pregnant women get desperate for food and I've had two children.

This miiiiiiiiiight be why they weren't super keen on prolonging your stay with food... I'm not sure they'll be crying into their biscuits tonight about the loss of this particular relationship.

But it didn’t used to be so prevalent. In the 70s and 80s, kids would have three meals a day max (two during school holidays as they were out and about), and even after school we were expected to wait until meal time (which was often 6 ish)

Now nobody can leave home without a bag full of food and a gallon of water.

We had to bring snacks in for morning break at school in the 80s.

Often went to the sweet shop on the way home as well.

i believe some schools even had “tuck shops” although as I just read about those that may have been from a previous generation.

Thank you OP for giving me
a genuine laugh at you calling anyone who disagrees with you thick and lacking empathy. Do you think your attitude might be behind some of it?

Im glad you have decided to walk away from your friendship - You refuse to hear any differing opinions and are slagging off everyone. It’s better all round - you need to find people who feel exactly the same way as you 😬

But the parents didn’t come armed with a million snacks to pick up primary aged kids from school.

I wonder how well you knew these people to have been at such cross purposes?

I would never eat anything between lunch and dinner so about 6/7 hours but if I had visitors I would make a cake, or at least have biscuits. It sounds a bit like they are unused to visitors?

You need to work on understanding the concept of a timeline. I formed this opinion AFTER they treated us like inconvenience.
Before that, I was a smiling guest who was happy to drive for 2 hours to see my friends after a few months, who also took time to find the plant I knew she wanted for the balcony...

I don’t know any parents who come armed with “a million snacks”.

They’d be difficult to carry, for one thing,

If you really liked them, you wouldn’t have spent all day slagging them off and admitting to stealing food to eat in the toilet.

Just walk away, you will all be happier and you can spend your time with people who will host to your exacting standards.

Fucking hell…

When I started school in the mid 70's we could take 5p in every day for a packet of crisps at break. We had a small bottle of milk in the morning. At home we always had a full biscuit tin and my mum would bake regularly. At senior school in the 80's there would sometimes be a tuck shop. I'd always have a snack after school.

THIS!

I think they were rude, if I have friends travelling to visit me I’d offer snacks !

It sounds like you were invited for a period and time that purposefully didn’t involve food.

Except that by asking for something, you negate any politeness potentially. I don’t know anyone who would expect food or who would ask for it

I thought traditionally it was elevenses and afternoon tea historically. I’m sure snacks were had during the day but this does seem fairly modern/recent to me. I was born in 1971, we’d grab the odd biscuit or piece of fruit or chocolate bar/crisps if out or in during the day but there was no snack time like some parents factor into their children’s lives today. Nothing wrong with a snack factored in either.

And yes, I am guilty of snacking too. My French friend living in London told me yesterday she snacks and I thought the French never did!

I think if you’re close friends you can ask for a snack, biscuit. I have done with my friends, my DM too with her friends. But often there’s no need to ask at all as they naturally reciprocate (?) when they see each other with biscuits/cakes. Or bring cakes/biscuits over to each other’s houses.

I think that being pregnant is a very good and aceptable reason to ask for a snack and break a few social rules without offending anyone. The host didn't necessarily appreciate the situation.

Depends I suppose.

I wouldn’t ask anyone for a snack. Not everyone has biscuits etc in and if they do and they want you to have some, they would offer.

But then I’m always reluctant to accept anything offered as it’s safer socially.

Depends on your circle though, doesn’t it? And expectations within that. We can see on this thread a wide spectrum of hosting etiquette

They clearly aren’t close friends or the OP would have just shrugged and got on with her life. And gone to the pub instead of stealing food to eat in the toilet

It IS quite unusual to be starving after just four hours. And to the host, only two.

But you were visiting friends - why on earth didn't you just say something to them? You have the perfect excuse, being pregnant!

"Sandra I'm really sorry to say this but my pregnancy is making me ravenous - any chance of a slice of toast or a biscuit or something?"