To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

You do know there's food you can eat (even for snacks) that's not processed, right?

Who are these people who seem proud of the fact that they have nothing to offer guests?! The bare minimum is tea and biscuits, but in this scenario, I'd probably have added in a small sandwich and cake too. This is the most basic hospitality where I come from. You have guests coming, so you pop out and buy something if you don't keep such things in the house. I personally take pleasure in this but I suppose others don't...

Older person here: I would always have cake and biscuits available on the table before anyone came for over an hour! Probably not if it was a neighbour dropping in without invite for a cuppa.

We are a snack-free household too (I will eat them if they are in the house). However, when we have guests, we buy some snacks, including healthy options. JaceLancs, why wouldn't you consider your guests and offer them some food?

Exactly! Couldn't have said it better.

But given you have counted up the money you spent, why bother? Did they want the gifts you took?

I genuinely don’t know why people choose chocolate, wine and flowers/plant. Is it just because that is what you are ‘supposed’ to do?

Yes it was mentioned a few times, we brought wine, box of chocolates and a little plant.
We were also invited to spend the afternoon (not just pop in).

Individuals being entirely self-sufficient and producing little pouches NOT to share are the future...?

For a catchup with a pregnant friend, indeed I would delight in anticipating and exceeding their desires.

If you have friends at all, always have something in or something you can rustle up. How I was brought up. Communion, community, communication, cherishing.

You helped yourself to their food but you're disgusted by the idea of asking for a snack or taking your own food 😂

Not disgusted, just consider it not polite. If you ask for food as a guest you are saying to the host they basically failed as hosts. By hiding the fact I helped myself from an open bag of crisps on the way to the loo - I thought I was sparing them the embarrassment.
Same goes for not wanting them to see me eating in a nearby pub immediately after leaving their home - kind of shouts: we were hungry and you didn't even think of asking.
But again, it's just manners and they clearly differ.

This thread is beyond bonkers, people are sooo wound up about such a non issue lol

I obviously missed the bit where the hosts were eating stuff out of pouches.

Are you saying that being self sufficient is a bad thing?

It is great that you are someone who would ‘delight’ in running around after someone in your home; I’m sure your friends are grateful.

I was taught that you don’t expect things from people because it’s rude. I’m not comfortable in accepting stuff offered to me. And anyone who asked or expected food would be leaving very quickly.

OP - don’t accuse people of trolling. It’s not a good look and it’s against guidelines, hence the deletion.

I’m a bit of a feeder and love being the host so no one comes to my house without being offered either lunch or dinner or at the very least a snack! If it’s a pre planned visit I’ll normally get some extra nice little bits in for people to snack on. Not bothered if people aren’t hungry or decline, my partner and I or my children will normally finish them off

This has been an interesting thread as I’m in the camp of probably not offering anything because my DH and I don’t really snack and I always find people won’t eat unless you do or are trying not to snack themselves. I’d obviously offer lunch, dinner, canapés with a drink.

But from this point onwards snacks will be offered to anyone that pops round to see me/my house for an hour or two.

Incidentally I always have snacks in my handbag in case I have to miss a meal when travelling. Couldn’t eat on the loo ever.

The OP does still seem disproportionately angry with everyone

I’m Polish and in my culture you’d get a full cooked meal with a pudding and plenty of drinks! It would also be very rude of you if you politely declined to eat.

Canapés? Do you have candlelit suppers? 😬

I am sorry to hear this 💐 and wish you felt ok around treats

In the middle of the afternoon?

Wow. So your culture basically forces food on people whether they want it or not?

I think it’s very rude. They invited you over, knew you were driving 90minutes to get there and made no effort whatsoever. Maybe it is a cultural thing but I have always been taught to be generous with guests and I would be mortified if someone left my house hungry. If my neighbour popped in, I’d offer cup of tea/coffee and maybe some biscuits but if friends had driven over an hour I would absolutely make sure I had a spread ready!

Which is why many of us who escaped from this kind of coercive hospitality culture are delighted to just have a literal cup of tea. It's deeply annoying to be considered rude for declining food you didn't ask for or want, and which you may have specifically said in advance you didn't want/wouldn't be hungry for/or didn't have time for.

This reminds me of a couple who invited us to theirs (for what we assumed was lunch). The husband was a colleague of my husband’s and we had previously invited him and his wife to ours for dinner and had a feast (I’m not exaggerating - my husband is a feeder!)
They lived a good 90 minutes away too and our son was about 10 months old at the time. He’d had his milk and snacks before leaving but we had (stupidly) assumed there would be enough food for him to have some of ours as he was doing really well with finger foods at the time. However we were only offered tea and biscuits and it became really uncomfortable 3 hours later when we realised we weren’t getting any lunch! Our son had devoured all the snacks and emergency baby pouches in the baby bag when we make our excuses to go and headed for nearest pub! I wouldn’t have cared less if they saw us as quite frankly I thought they were so rude!