AIBU to say I cannot keep lifting my mum’s chair?

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My mum had a fall 3 years ago and had a broken hip also diabetes and heart issues
she brought a chair to be go out however it is down to me her only child to lift the chair in and out of everywhere and I hate it. It’s so heavy I have severe shoulder pain each time it rips my clothes and gets mud all over them I feel I cannot do it anymore but if I don’t her life is even more limited than it is.

Tell her you’ve broken your wrist or sprained it. Buy a splint from the chemist and wear it around her and tell her they’ve told you not to lift it for 12weeks.
She either agrees to a hoist for the car and a SS assessment or she doesn’t leave the house. Do you live with her?

I’m disabled.

you can get super light electric wheelchairs. I have one which at the time I bought it was the lightest in the market at 17kg including battery.

not all cars are suitable to have a hoist fitted.

you can get wheelchair accessible vehicles on motability but the majority require an advance payment.

Have you had a carer's assessment? It is a useful process, and social services will take it into account.
Being a carer can be very challenging- but you need boundaries, What will you do, and what you won't do. Taking your Mum out in a wheelchair is not something you are duty bound to do. Her outings do not trump your physical health. Your Mum may have needs, but that doesn't mean it is your responsibility to supply that help. You have needs too. Does she have carers? is there any elderly day centres she could attend- they often supply transport too.

She can walk.

OP you shouldn’t be lifting a power chair in and out, they’re heavy. I have one and have a lift for it on the top of the car to winch it in and out, and mine is one of the lighter models. You’re going to do yourself damage if you carry on doing this. Why does she need a power chair if she’s accompanied - l can understand using one to get out of the house and around the local area if walking is difficult, but it’s not feasible to insist on lugging it in and out of the car. Have a look on ebay - there are some good quality lightweight ones available and you can get some bargains.

If it is an electric wheelchair, you may be able to remove the batteries.
Often the canvas seat can be lifted on one side, the batteries will then be visible. Disconnect the cables. The batteries should then lift out.

You should be able to remove the cushion, footrest, and armrests to make it lighter, the back may then fold to make it smaller.

If you can't work out how to do these things, try and find an instruction manual online for the wheelchair that she has.

Do you live with her? I’m sorry, tbjs sounds like such hard work and made all the more frustrating as she won’t accept help from anyone but you. That’s not fair

Multiple times a day ?

Motability will provide the vehicle - assuming she qualifies - but adaptations have to be paid for by the customer. If we’re talking abut hoists, ramps and wheelchair accessible vehicles they are very expensive (the upfront payment for a WAV can be thousands of pounds, as well as the cost of the adaptations). And you have to start again at the end of each lease period.

Do you mean she brought it? If so, where did she bring it from, and can it be exchanged?

If you mean she bought it, could she sell it and buy a lighter one?

You can't keep injuring yourself like this otherwise you'll do permanent damage.

Are you in her mum’s body to be able to tell what she can or can’t do??

OP has said that her Mum can walk about in the house, it is outside where she uses the power chair. Having a fall, especially one that results in a fracture can lead to anxiety related to mobilising,and that is completely understandable. However that anxiety doesn't trump OP's own physical health.

Hi - she brought it off the internet no OT input at all she brought it after getting annoyed with me as I could no longer lift the scooter in the boot and this is foldable but still very heavy. I make myself do it because she will otherwise be housebound but I absolutely dread every tome
i do it and end up making excuses and then get called lazy and a let down. No I don’t live with her

I really think she just expects me to push through everything I really hurts me emotionally as well as physically . She will
make a big deal and say she will help me with it when in reality she won’t be able to and if she does it just makes it worse. Or she will want me to take it all apart. Following her hip op she was using a walker but later got scooter and then a chair . What upsets me is she’s not trying anymore then I have to listen to her moan when she is not doing anything to help me or her

I cannot do this I have adhd and it’s completely overwhelming to have to take it apart and together again and it takes ages and then she blames me if it goes wrong in any way

I never say this on Mn but I’m going to now; you are being abused by your mother. I’m going to say again, stop damaging yourself by lifting this and tell her to speak to her Gp for physiotherapy and occupational therapy referral.

i will be saying I cannot do anymore however I have tried before and I just feel so guilty I end up doing it again . Have asked her to look at hoists and things (I work full time and am a single parent) and I just don’t have the time or money but it never materialises

I feel like I need some sort of medical back up to show her

Check out this video, "ratchet strap to pull power wheelchair into boot" https://share.google/WEQF7bMBKTMC76NsZ

Could you get a ramp for putting it and out of the car? I would fo everything you can yo find a solution.

I feel like she is bullying you and your word should be enough. If your word isn't enough, then you have bigger problems with your mother than her disability! have you always been her skivvy?

You need to drop the rope OP. Tell her you're not doing it anymore and if she's determined to stay disabled and not try, then she can engage with the services.

Or she can stay in the house.

Sadly the hoist will only materialise if you say no and stay consistent. Just phone her tomorrow, say you can't manage it any more and she needs to find a solution. And every time she complains telling her that she needs to find a solution as you're not lifting it again and repeat as necessary. Don't feel guilty, you have been very supportive.

At a bare minimum, she will be guided to buy either a more appropriate powerchair or an electeic hoist to get it into the car. As the OP has explained (and was obvious from her opening post, if you read between the lines), the OP's mum has bought a random one with no professional guidance about whether it was suitable for her life.

Adult men refuse to lift this chair. It is clearly not suitable for the OP's daughter to lift in and out of her car, and if an OT had been involved before the purchase, he or she would have raised the issue of how it would be moved into the car.

I also suspect the OT will identify the most appropriate models of walker, so that the OP's mother can walk outside the house without falling.

If you injure and potentially disable yourself what happens then?

But the mum sounds like she is over state pension age and unless she was already in receipt of DLA or PIP, she will be claiming Attendance Allowance which doesn't have a mobility element.