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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

121 replies

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:33

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

OP posts:
EdinaTheConfessor · Today 15:35

Have you asked her to pay her half?

UpsyDaisysarmpit · Today 15:36

YANBU at all. I'd ask for the money from her cancelling at the very least.

TeenLifeMum · Today 15:36

Send her a message - spa cost owed for your portion is x, here’s my bank details. Glad ds leg is okay xx

amber763 · Today 15:37

Yeah you need to ask her for the money

Striveforcompetence · Today 15:38

You’re an adult with a voice, use it.

“I don’t know why you are saying that it’s unfair to expect you to do all the driving - you’re the one who wanted to go to this spa, and kept pushing to arrange it. Not me. You also know the cancellation policy was 48 hours so I’ve had to pay your share, which is £200 so you need to sent that to me. I will not be out of pocket due to you cancelling on plans you suggested, so you need to pay me back.”

KateBushAgain · Today 15:38

Send her your payment details .

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:39

I advised her we still have to pay full cost, told her the amount heard nothing back!

OP posts:
VIII · Today 15:40

Striveforcompetence · Today 15:38

You’re an adult with a voice, use it.

“I don’t know why you are saying that it’s unfair to expect you to do all the driving - you’re the one who wanted to go to this spa, and kept pushing to arrange it. Not me. You also know the cancellation policy was 48 hours so I’ve had to pay your share, which is £200 so you need to sent that to me. I will not be out of pocket due to you cancelling on plans you suggested, so you need to pay me back.”

Agreed. You sound like you're letting her walk all over you.

Yellowpapersun · Today 15:41

She's a cf, she must realise you'd have to pay in full. You shouldn't have to ask her for the money but you'll have to. Frame it as though you think she might not have realised. In future, if you keep her as a friend, tell her to book if she wants to go somewhere.

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:42

@Striveforcompetence yes I’m aware I am an adult with a voice, I’m more annoyed at the absolute ignorance of people thinking it is okay to treat others like that.

OP posts:
Thingcanonlygetbetter · Today 15:42

She is one cheeky woman, and not really a friends if she can do that to you. You need to tell her she owes you.

Genevieva · Today 15:42

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:39

I advised her we still have to pay full cost, told her the amount heard nothing back!

You send her an invoice with your bank details and give her a fixed period to pay you. Maybe until the end of June.

Dearg · Today 15:43

Sounds like you need to be really specific re the money side.

As in ‘Friend, you owe me £200 for the day you cancelled. Here are my bank details. Please transfer the money today. Thanks ‘

She’s hoping you let her off. To be honest I probably would drop her.

ElfAndSafetyBored · Today 15:44

TeenLifeMum · Today 15:36

Send her a message - spa cost owed for your portion is x, here’s my bank details. Glad ds leg is okay xx

Yes, send this.

Fast800goingforit · Today 15:44

Follow up with another message with your bank details and asking her to transfer you her share.

SilverPink · Today 15:46

Whatever you do, don’t agree to any more spa days with her. She can find someone else to go.

ElfAndSafetyBored · Today 15:47

Was it £200 each or £200 for both of you?

If it’s the latter and she won’t cough up, you could get her to book the next one and just not pay her.

eekididitagain · Today 15:47

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:42

@Striveforcompetence yes I’m aware I am an adult with a voice, I’m more annoyed at the absolute ignorance of people thinking it is okay to treat others like that.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I’d drop a final message to her on the subject, letting her know they debited your card for her amount and here are my bank account details for her to transfer the money.

If it works, great! Never book for others again or be pressured into something you don’t really want or need to do.

If you don’t receive payment, just drop her. She’s hard work, and damn right off-the-scale taking the beeswax!

pasturesgreen · Today 15:48

The fact she wasn't profusely apologetic and making moves to pay you back asap makes me think the friendship is lost.
Might as well make her life a bit difficult and insist she pays you back. I doubt she will, but don't let it go. It's a massive amount of money and even if it was a genuine emergency (which it doesn't sound like it was), it's not on to leave you to foot the bill.

ilovesooty · Today 15:49

Her behaviour is appalling and you've asked her for the payment.

Don't let it slide - pursue her through a solicitor's letter and the small claims court if you have to. I don't think your different financial situations are relevant though. She's behaved with a total lack of decency.

SofaDayWithDogs · Today 15:49

Send her you bank details.

If she doesn’t pay, then the friendship is over.

Robogob · Today 15:50

I bet she actually cancelled because she can’t pay, and settled on a sort of half truth in that her DS did something to his leg. She grabbed that excuse to make herself feel better.

IDontHateRainbows · Today 15:51

Keep it short simple and firm.

Hi Barbara, spa is asking for the full amount due to short cancellation, can you please transfer your share (£100) to x bank details.

Then follow up/ rinse and repeat until the cf pays

KeyLimeCake · Today 15:51

Good for you for going anyway, and not letting her ruin your day.

As others have said, ask her directly for the money. Maybe give her an option of different ways to pay you - bank transfer, paypal, etc. Just don't make paying you back sound optional.

Don't get involved in any more spa days with her.

PullTheBricksDown · Today 15:52

ElfAndSafetyBored · Today 15:47

Was it £200 each or £200 for both of you?

If it’s the latter and she won’t cough up, you could get her to book the next one and just not pay her.

Yes, ask her when she's booking the one near her that she wants to go to. Say it's her turn to do the booking. If she asks for half tell her this will cover the earlier one where you were out of pocket as you'd paid for both of you. She'll probably cancel if it comes up beforehand but that'll end the whole saga.

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