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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

130 replies

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:33

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

OP posts:
TootSwete · Today 15:53

Don’t give up on the reminders to pay you. Post payment give up on her.

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:54

@ilovesooty yes you are right financial situation not relevant, only mentioned as I have worked really hard full time and have done well in life, but I do not always have loads of spare money, she had referenced previously how lucky I am, luck has nothing to do with it, she had less bills in life was all I had meant. But had left me with a sizeable bill!

OP posts:
Matleavehelp12 · Today 15:56

I’d message her and say you’re glad DS leg is OK but you’ve had to pay cancellation fee due to her no show and it’s come to £200. You can’t just sweep it under the carpet due to how big the bill is, can she send it over to you by tomorrow evening your bank details are x x x

Matleavehelp12 · Today 15:56

Just wondering did she know that there was a cancellation fee for no show before booking?

Onmytod24 · Today 15:59

Sometimes long-term friendship fade away gradually and sometimes something happens that just finishes it. I think this is one of those times.

seanconneryseyebrow · Today 16:02

You've told her she owes you and why, and she made excuses and ignored you. Its done. I would give it zero headspace now, and block her and never speak to her again.

Might sound harsh, but I have wasted soooo much time and energy in my life trying to reason with pricks. I no longer bother. Im pretty ruthless now, and much happier for it.

MyArtfulGreySloth · Today 16:04

She’s not a friend.

Horses7 · Today 16:06

Tell her you had to pay for her and send your bank details for the amount.
If she doesn’t pay she beomez an ex friend I hope, don’t be a doormat.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · Today 16:08

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:39

I advised her we still have to pay full cost, told her the amount heard nothing back!

It sounds like she is the sort of person who will ignore a subtle hint like this, @ItWasCalledYellow. I think you need to be completely direct and blunt, as other posters have suggested, and tell her she owes you her half of the cost, and that, as she wanted to go to this space, it was perfectly reasonable for her to do the driving.

Thehop · Today 16:08

Absolutely ask her for her share. Cheeky cow

GoodbyeZebedee · Today 16:15

You need to be explicit. People behave like that because other people let them away with it.

wetbugsthissummer · Today 16:16

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · Today 16:08

It sounds like she is the sort of person who will ignore a subtle hint like this, @ItWasCalledYellow. I think you need to be completely direct and blunt, as other posters have suggested, and tell her she owes you her half of the cost, and that, as she wanted to go to this space, it was perfectly reasonable for her to do the driving.

I agree with being direct about you having paid her share and sending her details of your bank acct so she can reimburse. But I would not send any of the nippy texts suggested here. She is already looking for a reason not to pay you, and a sharply worded text will give her that reason. Be clear but friendly.

You may have to accept you are just never seeing that money again though, if she does not pay up.

Larrythecatforpm · Today 16:18

Just tell her to send her half of the money, once received ignore her.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · Today 16:20

I absolutely wouldn’t leave it.

hi Jane, please send me the £200 you owe. Here are my bank details. thanks.

WilfredsPies · Today 16:20

I strongly suspect that this is the end of your friendship. I don’t believe her story about her son’s leg for a minute. I think it was probably due to money, the cost of treatments and the mid way spa being cheaper. I think she had it in her head that she wasn’t responsible for paying you the money you’d paid out and that she has no intention of paying you, at least without a fight.

StormGazing · Today 16:29

I’d do as others have said and text her it’s cost you so you’ll need that money transferred over

AmyDudley · Today 16:30

Yeah, I'd be very upfront about it 'Hi Jane could you send the £200 you owe me by tomorrow, as I will need it next week, here are my bank details. Thanks.'

mindutopia · Today 16:32

Have you told her how much and sent her your bank details?

Helpmefindtime · Today 16:32

Pursue her for the money.
Also even though she had to do more driving, (and it was her choice) she was also going to be staying at yours so surely that balances out.
Completely ungrateful and selfish "friend".

ilovesooty · Today 16:33

For the next step I'd send her a formal invoice with a clear deadline for payment.

Use a free app like Wave to create one.

Darmont · Today 16:35

Make sure she pays you, then drop her!

DameOfThrones · Today 16:35

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:39

I advised her we still have to pay full cost, told her the amount heard nothing back!

Well stop 'advising' and start telling her.

"Here's how much you owe here are my bank details".

🤷‍♂️

Darker · Today 16:37

Is there an outside chance that her trip was sabotaged by someone else, and she is too scared to tell you?

WeatherOrNothing · Today 16:40

Darker · Today 16:37

Is there an outside chance that her trip was sabotaged by someone else, and she is too scared to tell you?

🙄oh yes she must be some wee vulnerable woman with a big bad controlling man who told her she can’t go.

Shinyandnew1 · Today 16:41

If you never hear from her again, that probably says a lot about your friendship. What a horrible thing for her to do.