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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

130 replies

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:33

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · Today 16:43

That's really annoying. I mean she needs to pay.

Was she aware of the cancellation policy? It's such a shame you couldn't even find someone to fill the slot for free! I guess you know she's not reliable for anything pre-booked.

Pancakeorcrepe · Today 16:44

She needs to pay you that money. What a cheeky mare

Newyearawaits · Today 16:44

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:39

I advised her we still have to pay full cost, told her the amount heard nothing back!

Then you need to ask her

Okiedokie123 · Today 16:45

Striveforcompetence · Today 15:38

You’re an adult with a voice, use it.

“I don’t know why you are saying that it’s unfair to expect you to do all the driving - you’re the one who wanted to go to this spa, and kept pushing to arrange it. Not me. You also know the cancellation policy was 48 hours so I’ve had to pay your share, which is £200 so you need to sent that to me. I will not be out of pocket due to you cancelling on plans you suggested, so you need to pay me back.”

Yup. I’d send that. Don’t let her not pay @ItWasCalledYellow

Chilly80 · Today 16:46

What a CF

Wayk · Today 16:48

Her behaviour is awful. It sounds like she decided to journey was too much. Please ask her for her share.

offtodreamland · Today 16:52

Someone who would leave me with their half of a bill and no mention of paying me back would no longer be my friend. Either she pays you back or I'd cut her off.

perlana · Today 16:53

I doubt very much you will get anything from her, and you have just lost a (flaky) friend aswell, which is no bad thing really and I'm sorry she did this to you.

However it is a good life lesson not to pay for anything up front until you get paid for it by the other party(ies). Too many people are taking the absolute piss these days. Playing on people's good nature when they have none of their own.

DameOfThrones · Today 16:53

Darker · Today 16:37

Is there an outside chance that her trip was sabotaged by someone else, and she is too scared to tell you?

Well that's not going to glue her purse shut, is it?

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · Today 16:54

Onmytod24 · Today 15:59

Sometimes long-term friendship fade away gradually and sometimes something happens that just finishes it. I think this is one of those times.

Edited

This …. If she isn’t willing to pay her half she’s a CF and the friendship dies.

A true friend wouldn’t lump you with their bill.

Therealjudgejudy · Today 16:57

Really bad form of her...

hourspassed · Today 16:59

I agree with pps. I'd send her another message saying 'please remember to pay me £x as I've had to pay for your cancellation.' Just keep on at her. If she calls or messages you for any other reason, then just keep going back to 'just a reminder you haven't paid me for your cancellation yet.'

I certainly wouldn't be planning any more spa days with her!

PinkEasterbunny · Today 17:00

Striveforcompetence · Today 15:38

You’re an adult with a voice, use it.

“I don’t know why you are saying that it’s unfair to expect you to do all the driving - you’re the one who wanted to go to this spa, and kept pushing to arrange it. Not me. You also know the cancellation policy was 48 hours so I’ve had to pay your share, which is £200 so you need to sent that to me. I will not be out of pocket due to you cancelling on plans you suggested, so you need to pay me back.”

This

ForeverTheOptomist · Today 17:00

It sounds to me as though she's already willing and happy to chance dropping you as a friend. Yes, send the request for the £200 to be paid back to you. Shocking behaviour.

OliviaBonas · Today 17:00

She couldn’t be bothered with the drive. If you don’t get the money the friendship is over.

Option3 · Today 17:01

Send her your bank details. 'Hi friend, here are my bank details so that you can send me the money for yesterday.'
Don't faff about explaining that it was too late for a refund, or even reminding her what to pay you. Just act as if she's obviously wanting to pay you.

Besidemyselfwithworry · Today 17:01

TeenLifeMum · Today 15:36

Send her a message - spa cost owed for your portion is x, here’s my bank details. Glad ds leg is okay xx

This precisely!

Evaka · Today 17:05

Omg people recommending invoices and solicitor's letters have made my day.

Yes explicitly ask her for the cash and feel free to call out the dickhead behaviour OP. What a tit she is.

Bubblegum222 · Today 17:08

Hi Sarah here's my bank details for the £200, thanks.
Don't explain yourself just assume shes paying her share. Leave it a few days, send a reminder and if no answer I would block and never speak to her again.
If your friendship is only worth £200 to her you're better off without her

Wonderlandpeony · Today 17:09

I'm thinking that the reason she cancelled was that she had second thoughts about the cost and didn't want to pay that much, so used her son as an excuse.

She's very cheeky, and whether you get the money back or not, I'd have nothing more to do with her after this.

Krevlornswath · Today 17:12

I doubt you'll get the money back by the sounds of the dialogue so far, so wouldn't bother with her going forward full stop, let alone organising something else. I would be sending a clear message reminding her that she chose this location and the balance is still owing.

Sounds more like she couldn't afford it in the first place so made up an excuse and this has now backfired because she's too daft to understand that you still need to pay for things if you pull out last minute. That's her problem, not yours so I wouldn't feel guilty about pursuing the funds owed.

TequillaSunset · Today 17:14

She is no friend, but you must ask for your money back.

Send her a copy of the receipt showing how much you paid and tell her YOU OWE ME HALF and add your bank details.

She definitely changed her mind and the clue was in the comment about the driving. I really dislike people who pull shit like this.

ilovesooty · Today 17:18

Evaka · Today 17:05

Omg people recommending invoices and solicitor's letters have made my day.

Yes explicitly ask her for the cash and feel free to call out the dickhead behaviour OP. What a tit she is.

I only suggested that if she doesn't respond to a clear request for payment with bank details supplied. I'd certainly move on to a formal invoice then a solicitor's letter if she doesn't pay. I can't afford to write that kind of sum off and in any case I wouldn't accept being treated with such disrespect.

I'm not sure why that's made your day.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · Today 17:21

She absolutely needs to pay this. Be clear that you didn’t get any extra treatment etc etc - you paid for her with the expectation of reimbursement, received nothing, nobody else could take her space at such short notice and now she still needs to pay.

PeoplesNet · Today 17:23

ItWasCalledYellow · Today 15:39

I advised her we still have to pay full cost, told her the amount heard nothing back!

Then she isn't a friend. If you arrange anything again, ask her to pay it.