AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

[ItWasCalledYellow]

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e

This was the time TBH.
"Oh no Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear that little Glenn has a bad leg, but what shall we do about the booking? YOU are going to lose your £200 if you can't come!"

I don't think she could afford it - Maybe she thought it was similar to a council leisure centre and if you pay for the swim session on arrival or something; or she thought someone else would step in & take the place.

Either way, it's cheap & nasty to dump the cost on a friend & pretend nothings happened.

You're well in your rights to be annoyed about it Op, the point is you really should be DOING something about it, too.

I'd be messaging her and firmly pointing out that it was her who has been pushing to go to that spa, that you have been left paying out hundreds of pounds and that you absolutely will not be making any further plans to go anywhere with her in the future as you will not allow this to happen again.

if you have any sense you would then block her.

She is no friend to you.

Absolutely do not let that go with her.
Spell it out that she needs to pay.

I would get the money and then step away.
I have no time for such awful behaviour.

ask Her for the money and then never bother with her again. She sounds really awful.

Again, this has nothing to do with her not paying her debt to the OP.

@Besidemyselfwithworrymaybe the next message needs to be 'when will you be paying the £x you owe me Friend? Bank details again in case you've mislaid them...'

I would definitely ask her about paying for the spa. She does realise you booked it and there was a cost to you. Given that, when is she going to pay you for it.
Press her. Tell her she hasn’t paid yet. And you need to pay your credit card bill.

I’d let the friendship fade after that one. The lack of consideration is baffling.

Screen shot the email with the bill on it, and send it over with your bank details, and a date you need it paying by.
This is not a friend I'd be going out of my way to see anytime soon.

Good advice! Makes a lot of sense.

You will not get any money from her

You have to be prepared ro lose this friendship. She will NOT give you that money as she feels she doesn't owe it due to not going and can you still be polite to a person that can do that to you?

You can be petty and get her to book the other spa on her card and not turn up, teach her a lesson but I'd just move on, I'd be seething but move on. I've had friends owe me money in the past and I eventually had to write it off. Guess what, no-one gets my money now.

@YerArseInParsley same here, I have been scammed due to kindness/stupidty. I don’t know how they can live with themselves but never again.

In this situation you need to be more firm. Send your bank details. Sounds like she’s ignoring you on purpose. She knew the late cancellation charge when booking, so she should pay half.

I think in hindsight, as this was all her idea she should’ve been using her card to secure the booking. She’s a CF as she was badgering you to go to this certain spa but when it came to it, she says you’re the cheeky one expecting her to do all the driving!

I bet she has past form for this type of behaviour?

She’s a cheeky cat, and she’s trying to rewrite the narrative re who wanted/asked to go. She sounds very untrustworthy.
I’d send her my bank details and the amount with a breezy ‘thanks!’ And would fully expect her to either attack me or ghost me.
I don’t think losing her as a ‘friend’ would be much of a loss.

She’s not treated you well. Make sure you get the money for her share and then don’t book anything else for her

She owes you for the spa day. If she refuses to pay she should be an ex friend and you don't have to worry about any future soa days

Sounds to me like she’s reframed it in her mind to make her not look like the bad guy. As if you suggested she should drive all
that way because it was more convenient for you. Makes her feel less bad about leaving you in the lurch. I’d have no interest in seeing her again, personally.

Do this now and it will all be resolved one way or another fairly quickly.

Are there really people in real life who have such a fragile sense of self-worth that they put up with bullshit like this? Just tell her to pay up for the spa, tell her not to even go there with meeting half way because she's the one who's been bleeting on about this particular spa and then don't bother communicating with her again until she's done the above. What do you actually get out of being her friend?

Always take payment in advance from friends and family before booking.

@Comeinsideforacupoftea I have absolutely no intention or interest of meeting half way for another spa day. She is aware that she owes me the money, you’re right it’s BS but how do you make someone pay when they clearly have no intention to. I dont intend to have any contact in the future.

“how do you make someone pay when they clearly have no intention to”

Hi x, I still need to pay my credit card bill which includes £x for your half of the spa cost. My bank details are xxxxx thanks”

If still not paid within a few days, then send a daily text “just a reminder about the outstanding money, please would you transfer today, thanks”. She’ll do it eventually.

Have you had an actual conversation with her? What has she said when you told her you expect her share of the money?

Just badger the cowbag for her half. The friendship is over anyway, so make her justify not paying you after she nagged you to book it in the first place. Don’t let her off easily - the silence and embarrassment of their victims is what these cheeky fuckers rely on, and why they get away with it time and time again.