AIBU to be upset my friend cancelled and left me paying?

[ItWasCalledYellow]

I live near a really nice spa and the cost is about £200 for a day with treatments and lunch. A long time friend who lives over 3 hours drive from me has always wanted to go and had been repeatedly asking could we book to go and she stay at my house after. I have no problem with her staying with me, except I have 3 kids, work full time in a busy role and most weeks are busy with sports and activities, so not always easy to find time or money for days like this with mortgage, childcare cost and general COL. Friend works part time and has older teens and has never had childcare costs and has mortgage paid off due to divorce and living in an area with much lower housing costs.

So after many times of her sending me info on different packages I book and my card is used to hold the booking with 48 hour cancellation policy. The day before we were due to go my friend rang and said she could not come as her DS injured his leg at school and needed to go to a&e, fair enough I would not expect her to travel 3 hours away when that happened. She then contacted me the next day to say sorry that she could not go and that there is a spa half way maybe we could meet at that one in future as it was unfair to expect her to do all the driving. I was really annoyed as it was her that kept asking to come to the one near me, I did not suggest it. I asked how her DS is feeling, she said oh he’s fine didn’t go to a&e and put a bag of frozen veg on his leg.

Due to short notice I still had to pay the full cost, I ended up going myself as none of my friends nearby were free with less than 24 hours notice, friend didn’t offer any money for her part despite knowing I had to pay hers due to late notice. AIBU to be furious with the whole situation and think she is not much of a friend despite knowing each other since school.

Your friend knows the situation, give her time - she might be planning to make up for it in some other way, If not just mark it down as ‘another life lesson learned’ and forget about it. Life’s too short,

Was it £200 each @ItWasCalledYellow or £200 between you?

send her your bank details and how much she owes you as you’ve been charged. Tell her she has until Friday. If she messages talking about going to another spa/outing, ignore it and repeat that she needs to repay you. If she doesn’t pay you back then she is no friend. It would end the friendship for me personally.

Teachers know that if you want a child to do something you don’t ask them would they mind sitting down please, you say ‘sit down, Tommy, thank you.’ You don’t request it, you act as if it is done already and thank them.
The same is true of cheeky fuckers. ‘Glad DS’s leg wasn’t serious, here are my bank details for your half of the money. Thank you’.

She is a cf. Don't book anything with her again. She shoukd pay you back.

You need to explicitly tell her she must pay for her share.

"Hi Katie, as you know my card was charged for your spa session as you cancelled outside of the free cancellation time frame. Please can you send this by X date as I don't want to be charged interest on my credit card".

If it ruins your friendship, so be it. No one needs friends who would leave them to swallow the cost of their cancellation.

Instead of stewing over it, just message her, your share is X amount, here are my bank details.

Don’t advise, tell. The friendship is over if she doesn’t pay anyway.
She should’ve paid you on booking anyway. That’s what my friends and I do. Someone pays and the other immediately transfers. Would be so embarrassing not to pay upfront.

Sounds like she made up a story about son's leg to get out of the spa day. Keep asking her for the money and then drop her. She is not being a good friend at all.

Message her again asking for what she owes. If you don't hear back, cancel the friendship.

It just seems a really odd way to behave.

• desperate for a spa day with friend, close to friends house so that she can go to friends house afterwards.
• everything falls apart at the last minute, using a poor excuse for not going, and making out that friend is the unreasonable one.

someone who is exercising coercive control fits right in the middle of that.

• waiting until the last minute to make objection
• undermining the friendship by making out friend is being unreasonable expecting her to ‘do all the driving’.
• telling them they don’t owe the friend because ‘reasons’.
• basically sabotaging the relationship to isolate them.

It’s unlikely. But I’d still be asking them if they are ok, because it just seems a bit odd.

Send her your bank details. Tell her you need it by x date as that's when your credit card needs paying.

Bin her,

Send her your bank details

@ItWasCalledYellow you're just going to have to be assertive here.

"Hi! Could you please pay me your share of the spa day of £XXX. My bank account details are XXXXXXXX. Its such a shame you couldnt make it given its the venue you suggested! Happy to meet half way next time and try a different venue."

(But make her pay next time!!)

Absolutely. I would not be fucking around on this.

I'd say, 'it was such a shame you couldn't come on x day, I'm just sending you my bank details so you can send me your half of the bill. Hopefully we can meet at that spa you mentioned that's in the middle between us as some point. Thanks, from x.'

I think you have to be nice and polite otherwise you give her as excuse not to pay - she'll tell herself 'why should I pay someone so rude and demanding' even if your demands are perfectly reasonable.

Whether she pays or not though I wouldn't be seeing her again as she sounds like a complete CF.

So many CFs around. Pisses me off.

I would give her a last chance and appeal to her better nature. Something like.
“Hi CF
Just messaging about the spa situation. I understand you couldn’t go but are you expecting me to foot the whole cost? I am down £200.
I know its alot but we have friends for ages so we should be able to work something out if you’re skint.
Hope DS is ok now xx”

and put your bank details at the bottom

If she ignores you then I would bin her and small claims it.

Your friend cancelled at very short notice so needs to pay the cost of her portion.
Message saying: As you cancelled at such short notice the full amount is payable.
id ignore the jibes about nearer to her.
Dont book a spa day with her again unless she pays.

The relative financial situations are relevant because it’s even more CF to be slow to reimburse a friend who is worse off than you are yourself.

Absolutely send this message ^

Not one person who has commented thinks you should shrug this off and leave it.

That’s just as it should be. Good spa days are expensive and you had to pay twice! Once for you, and again for her.

What are the chances of her backing out at the eleventh hour if she had already paid up, at the time the booking was made? Very slim, I’d bet. She would not want the considerable sum of (her) money to be wasted, so she would have found a way to attend. But somehow it’s okay to waste your money?!

Um, I don’t think so. Send one of the shorter emails that pp have suggested and don’t give up.

I can’t imagine ever doing this to someone.

She already knows she should have paid the CF.
Straight in the bin.

You need to be direct and ask her for her half of the costs.