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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel blindsided after my partner ended our 16-year relationship?

207 replies

Blindsided2026 · 13/06/2026 15:03

Name changed for privacy.

While my partner of 16 years was at work yesterday, he texted to say he's come to the decision that he wants to leave me. He's already rented a flat, and will be staying at a hotel first for a few days.

I am 10 years older than him, cannot have sex at the moment because I have horrible gynae issues, which ARE being sorted, but it's dragged on for so long. Years. I try my best in that department but when you bleed 3 weeks out of 4, and your tummy is bloated with cysts, you don't feel sexy.

He said in the message that he's been with me since his 20s, is now 40, and can't do it anymore. He wants time and space to see what's out there.

I might sound calm but I am in absolute bits.

When he got home yesterday, it was only to pack and leave again. He was crying and wanted a hug. I told him to get the fk out. He'd clearly had time to process this. I hadn't.

He came back again today unannounced to pack more things, then left again. He's told me exactly where he's staying. He's worked out what he'll keep paying for at home.

In summary=

No kids, not married, a houseful of cats and dogs, and like I say, together almost 16 years. Been through miscarriages, parental deaths, milestone birthdays, losing one of our dogs, you name it. We train together, we just do everything together. I don't really have many good friends. House is in my name.

I left London and my family network for this man. I am now stuck up here in the north with zero support.

All I have done since he told me yesterday is sit on the floor.

Just, when will this get better, if ever? There was absolutely no sign anything was wrong. He's been happy as Larry! Even on the morning he went to work yesterday, we were joking and laughing. What do I do now?

He says there's no one else but made it clear he wants to date.

OP posts:
SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 20:39

Velumental · Yesterday 20:35

You're saying this of us who are horrified wouldn't be if it was the other way round. I'm telling you how I feel about it and actually I'd be more horrified the other way round. I just can't imagine at 30 what you'd want with a 20 yr old. It's widely accepted men prey on much younger women as they as easier to manipulate etc.

It also means you're forever in different life stages as op has found out. She's menopausal he's become clucky.

I had a boyfriend who was eight years older when I was 25, it wasn't an issue at all. A friend has a wife 16 years older than him and they've been together thirty years now. (Edited as lost track of time, holy shit)

Velumental · Yesterday 20:43

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 20:39

I had a boyfriend who was eight years older when I was 25, it wasn't an issue at all. A friend has a wife 16 years older than him and they've been together thirty years now. (Edited as lost track of time, holy shit)

Edited

And op was with her partner 16 years. And now isn't. I'm saying there may be exceptions but they are exceptions (if they even are)

momtoboys · Yesterday 20:47

I hope you are ok.

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 21:03

Velumental · Yesterday 20:43

And op was with her partner 16 years. And now isn't. I'm saying there may be exceptions but they are exceptions (if they even are)

Actually how is this helping a heartbroken, blindsided woman?
And plenty of people of a similar age chest and/or break up too.

Velumental · Yesterday 21:05

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 21:03

Actually how is this helping a heartbroken, blindsided woman?
And plenty of people of a similar age chest and/or break up too.

How are you helping exactly?

SpaceRaccoon · Yesterday 21:14

Velumental · Yesterday 21:05

How are you helping exactly?

I'm at least not sticking the boot in.

ArabellaWeird · Yesterday 21:15

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but your relationship wasn't in as good a shape as you thought. The fact that he couldn't raise the issues he had, in a timely and reasonable way with the partner he was supposed to respect and love shows he is cowardly and lacks capacity to be the partner you deserve.

He isn't who you thought he was, and in time you'll realise that you deserve much better.

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