AIBU to feel blindsided after my partner ended our 16-year relationship?

[Blindsided2026]

Name changed for privacy.

While my partner of 16 years was at work yesterday, he texted to say he's come to the decision that he wants to leave me. He's already rented a flat, and will be staying at a hotel first for a few days.

I am 10 years older than him, cannot have sex at the moment because I have horrible gynae issues, which ARE being sorted, but it's dragged on for so long. Years. I try my best in that department but when you bleed 3 weeks out of 4, and your tummy is bloated with cysts, you don't feel sexy.

He said in the message that he's been with me since his 20s, is now 40, and can't do it anymore. He wants time and space to see what's out there.

I might sound calm but I am in absolute bits.

When he got home yesterday, it was only to pack and leave again. He was crying and wanted a hug. I told him to get the fk out. He'd clearly had time to process this. I hadn't.

He came back again today unannounced to pack more things, then left again. He's told me exactly where he's staying. He's worked out what he'll keep paying for at home.

In summary=

No kids, not married, a houseful of cats and dogs, and like I say, together almost 16 years. Been through miscarriages, parental deaths, milestone birthdays, losing one of our dogs, you name it. We train together, we just do everything together. I don't really have many good friends. House is in my name.

I left London and my family network for this man. I am now stuck up here in the north with zero support.

All I have done since he told me yesterday is sit on the floor.

Just, when will this get better, if ever? There was absolutely no sign anything was wrong. He's been happy as Larry! Even on the morning he went to work yesterday, we were joking and laughing. What do I do now?

He says there's no one else but made it clear he wants to date.

Don’t do anything in a hurry except change the locks on your house.

but by all means, when you feel less raw, arrange some weekends in London so you can assess how much of a friendship group you still have there and whether a move would be worth it

Pretending everything is fine, never discussing any issues or concerns with her at all, even booking holidays etc all while flat hunting and planning his exit in secret, and then telling her via text after 16 years is an absolutely shit way to treat someone. Implying OP is domineering and has taken advantage somehow so this poor man has done the right thing is mean, and shows sympathy to the man who isn’t even on this thread.

My point is more about the responses lacking any nuance

YABU for ‘stuck up here in the north’.

We aren’t lower class people 🙄

It’s very very sad and YANBU to feel blindsided. The sad truth is though that anyone has the right to leave a relationship. You will grieve, but you will feel better in time

Where did OP refer to herself as 50s?

She actually said - He's almost 40 and I am 10 years older.

I'm sorry, OP. Such a devastating thing to go through. At least your home is your own and you're not having to scrabble to find somewhere new.

I find it odd that long term couples don’t seem to talk, no discussion about your health, the lack of sex, his want of a family??
Hes either met someone a good bit younger or finds a clean break easiest rather than a confrontation, MN always advises women to walk away from sexless relationships and do what’s best for them, his only fault was the blunt way he’s done this.

If my husband I split is consider myself stuck in scotland. Despite the fact I love it here I'm far from family. I ultimately built a life her for him though. I don't think she's slagging the north

I'm sure people who move to London for a partner and then go through a breakup can feel 'stuck down in the South'. I don't think she was implying people in the North are inferior, just that she's now all alone with no network around her.

If he left you over lack of sex through no fault of your own then he's hugely disappointing. Gynae waiting lists are insane in this country and he should've supported you, not blamed you, if that's the case. Please please don't blame any of that on you.

Sorry about your news OP. All I can say is be really kind to yourself, do whatever you need to do to get through it. It will become less painful with time and of course you're going to be ok but it's just tough going. Sending hugs.

Does it? I’ve read it like 4 times now and I can’t see any reference to her being in her 50s? 50 is likely obviously but I don’t think she’s suggested she’s older

I think it's been edited because I'm 100% sure I read that initially

It tells you at the bottom of the post if it’s been edited and you can click on and read the origional, and it’s not been edited.

I now think I extrapolated it from 'when we were 25/35 it was fun' and '16 years together'

Why is it hugely disappointing? If I was in relationship in my 30s (not married, no kids), and my partner was unable to have sex with me for many years, for whatever reason, I would absolutely leave. There is nothing wrong with that.

Almost 16 years together is what she said

Hold on
your nearly 40, so let’s say 40 he’s 30 but you’ve been together for 16 years, that puts him at 13 and 23 when you met.

Am I wrong?

Yep you are wrong. People are really struggling with the ages on here today 😅

It really frustrates me when a woman is having gynae issues that the man’s sex life is discussed - well, he will be missing it, imagine how he feels.
I am going through similar as the OP and it’s horrible. It’s like grief sometimes for a system that once worked reasonably well and then it’s just a mess. OP sounds really healthy and takes good care of herself.
However, this man has been with her since his very early 20s. He’s now 40. Something has moved the dial. It could be someone else, he wants to be a dad, it could be a combination of things but delivering that message the way he did was immature and unkind, to say the least.

yes, you're wrong.