AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

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I really resent having my FIL come round every Sunday. I work full time and have a part time job on top, so it’s often my only day off and even then I’m often doing jobs round the house, like so many people I know.

He drives round to ours every Sunday and has lunch and stays for an hour or so. I would never want to stop my DH from seeing him, and he could easily pop over there (5 miles away) so I don’t understand why he has to come over here all the time. Also, to add: he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants. He left a previous marriage because when they had a baby she ‘didn’t have a meal on the table when he got home from work’. Is he just a product of his time and should I just deal with it (he’s 88 and lonely) or should I stand my ground and protect my weekend boundaries?

Every child in the world knows old people are generally out of touch.

Children need to hear unpleasant things and hear others push back on them.

If he was still alive, my dad would be 95. He was a commited anti-racist all his life. He wasn't sexist or homophobic either. OP's FIL's age isn't a 'get out of jail free' card for his racism, homophobia and sexism.

The OP isn’t cooking for him.

He is capable enough to drive around and visit multiple friends and family each week (except his first child who he abandoned).

He doesn't seem to be a doddery old man, he can see OP's husband elsewhere sometimes presumably, but the husband isn't listening as usual.

Men know they dribble or don't care for their aim, then sit the FUCK down and don't expect others to clean up your mess.

No sympathy.

It's always easier to question an OP's version of events than ones own prejudices.

Remember you'll be 88 one day maybe. Think about it.
Post dosent make sense anyway. He phones half an hour before DH always agrees . Surely you'd need to know if you were having a roast dinner in advance.

And what exactly are my own prejudices?

Presumably I’m also a racist, sexist, homophobic areshole because I wouldn’t begrudge an 88 year old lunch with his child?

They don’t have a roast.

Why doesn't your husband tell him it's curry/rice/Bolognese etc for lunch. That might keep him away.

His age isn’t an excuse for those views. He was in his youth/middle age in the 1970s-90s when plenty of people were rejecting and fighting against racism, sexism and homophobia.

Ageism, certainly.

All OP is saying is she resents her only day off being ruined by the visit of someone she dislikes, every single week, and wonders if she should create some boundaries.

She hasn't really suggested what those would be, might have missed it.

I don't think that's unreasonable, but you seem to. That's that.

Only less than 2 hours then!! He's your Fil, it's not that long, suck it up.

Acknowledging that people generally require more support as they enter their final years is not ageism, FFS.

But whatever. I’m bored of you and I’m bored of this thread now. I think you can tell a lot about a society by how it treats its elders. I’m pleased the real world is a lot more compassionate than this forum.

Threads like this illustrate why it’s seriously important to get on with your partner’s family.

I’m not talking like you need to go away with them or be best friends, but if your values are so misaligned it will be a source of strife and conflict your whole relationship.

I thank every day (genuinely) what wonderful people my in-laws are.

And my PIL are late 70s/early 80s with no such abhorrent views. I have been welcomed into the family with open arms and heard only one racist comment from an old aunt in the 20 years we’ve been together which was universally challenged and I dealt with myself.

I want a nice quiet life and disliking my husband’s parents would make that tricky.

‘he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants’

Or, ‘quirkiness’. Dear God.

Yup, ageism. Bye then.

Yeah I was thinking the same, if you are out then he can't come round, simple! If you are planning on staying in anyway I really don't see the issue?

Would you rather DH went out with him for an hour and left you with the DC?

Is getting DH to phone him and say he will pop over with the DC an option?

If it's all falling on you, it's not fair. If he's a racist, mysoginist etc, you don't have to accept that. As I've said on another thread today, age is no excuse for such attitudes.

I’m sorry, but I can’t let this pass. It’s nonsense. My own father, a dear man, was born in 1936. Evacuated during the war, he had to cook his own breakfast. National Service meant he learnt how to cook, clean and be tidy. He remained a keen cook and what is more, never expressed a single racist, homophonic or misogynistic thought in all his puff.

I think people are forgetting that Sunday is OP's only day off.

Exactly, Kids need to learn it every week. OP should get her DC's friends to come round so they can learn it every week too.

What is wrong with young children being exposed to an hour of racism, sexism and misogyny every week? The government should make it compulsory.

Oh well if he is old and a relative then racism, sexism and misogyny are fine. In fact, maybe he should come around even more.

Yes bring racism, sexism and misogyny into schools to make sure children can hear it properly. That is what we need!!!!!

Yes. If you are 88 then racism, sexism and misogyny is acceptable. You are so right and clever.