AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

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I really resent having my FIL come round every Sunday. I work full time and have a part time job on top, so it’s often my only day off and even then I’m often doing jobs round the house, like so many people I know.

He drives round to ours every Sunday and has lunch and stays for an hour or so. I would never want to stop my DH from seeing him, and he could easily pop over there (5 miles away) so I don’t understand why he has to come over here all the time. Also, to add: he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants. He left a previous marriage because when they had a baby she ‘didn’t have a meal on the table when he got home from work’. Is he just a product of his time and should I just deal with it (he’s 88 and lonely) or should I stand my ground and protect my weekend boundaries?

Let DH do the cleaning for him.

Product of his time?

My gran is 91. My mother in law is 90.

Neither of them are hateful, racist idiots.

You can make your boundaries perfectly clear on the views he is expressing under your roof.

Just as you behave in a particular way as a host, he needs to behave in a particular way with you as a guest.

It's OP's only day off and she would just like to be able to spend it in her own home without a horrible old man spouting racist, sexist and homophobic remarks. She can't stop him having these toxic views but she can make it clear that he can't say these things in front of his grandchildren and, if he won't stop doing this, he won't be welcome in her house.

He is lonely because he is a horrible person.

I have to challenge that. The OP's FIL might be a horrible person, and he certainly sounds like he has some horrible views. But lots of people are lonely through no fault of their own. Especially someone of 88 since so many of his contemporaries will have died off.

My lovely FIL died recently at the age of 95. In his day he had loads of friends, a very wide social circle, but at his funeral there was only family. Basically he had outlived everyone he knew. He lived alone since MIL died and I am sure he must have been lonely a lot of the time, despite DH and BIL/ SIL ringing and visiting as often as possible. But he certainly wasn't a horrible person. He was just old.

He sounds genuinely lovely and my heart breaks for people in this situation who outlive everyone else around them. But the OP here was pretty clear the FIL in this situation is in no way lovely. He is racist, misogynist, anti-migrant and a homophobe. Just because people are old and might be lonely, it doesn’t mean us women have to overlook all their unkindnesses, and basically accommodate discomfort in the service of not very nice men.

He's 88. Let it go, live and let live a little. I would hate for my partner to dictate when my mum comes. If he is a little unbearable, find a reason to keep busy for some or all of the time. It's not like he's there all day and it's just once a week. Sent with kindness, text always comes across a little harsh, I do sympathise tho x

Can you cut it down to every fortnight and in the intervening weeks your DH goes to see him? That will give you a day to yourself every 2 weeks.

Well no, I wasn't necessarily suggesting this was the case with OP and her FIL. But I was challenging a PPs statement suggesting he was lonely because he was horrible. There are no doubt plenty of horrible people who know lots of similarly horrible people and are therefore not lonely. At the same time I know there are lots of lovely people who, through no fault of their own, are lonely. So to suggest a person is lonely because they are horrible is, actually, quite horrible.