AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

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I really resent having my FIL come round every Sunday. I work full time and have a part time job on top, so it’s often my only day off and even then I’m often doing jobs round the house, like so many people I know.

He drives round to ours every Sunday and has lunch and stays for an hour or so. I would never want to stop my DH from seeing him, and he could easily pop over there (5 miles away) so I don’t understand why he has to come over here all the time. Also, to add: he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants. He left a previous marriage because when they had a baby she ‘didn’t have a meal on the table when he got home from work’. Is he just a product of his time and should I just deal with it (he’s 88 and lonely) or should I stand my ground and protect my weekend boundaries?

If he's 88 and your DH cooks for him if let it go. He won't live for many more years and your DH likes having him there. If you are fed up of him go out for a walk when you know he is arriving.

Kindness is allowing children to hear racism, sexism and misogyny week in week our.

And what’s his response?

Easily changed…….

If someone is elderly, then it is fine to let racism, sexism and misogyny go.

Lets teach the kids being old is a free pass.

YABU; he’s 88 and may not have many years left. It’s only for a few hours. If it bothers you let DH cook the lunch and see him while you go out, or ask DH to go there with a meal every fortnight. But you’re being a bit cruel.

Why can’t you just get on with your day leave them to it when he comes round ? It’s only an hour

Yes OP should stop being cruel and let her children listen to racism, sexism and misogyny. It is just what young children need in their lives every week. Shut up kids and listen to your grandad. He is 88 and there is nothing wrong listening to racism, sexism and misogyny.

She get on with her day leaving her children exposed to racism, sexism and misogyny. Great idea!!

Well she allows them to be exposed every week anyway.. she never pulls him up on his views, so what difference would it make if she was there or not?

Both parents are allowing him to air his views around the children, and in fairness, that PP who mentioned 'getting on with your day' didn't say anything about leaving the kids with them, I assume they meant getting on with whatever you would normally be doing with the kids and leave your DH and FIL to it for a couple of hours.

He's almost 90 and he's not going to change. I'd just accept him as he is but not agree with things he says.

Nothing to stop her taking kids to park for an hour when he's going to be there.

He’s 88. He’s able to drive. He’s taking up 2 hours of your “family time” per week. From where I’m standing, you are incredibly lucky…..

I think you should leave a list of jobs and take the kids out some Sundays if your husband won't say no occasionally. You are missing out on life a bit just spending your Sundays sorting the house and hosting a bigot.

The DH should pull him up.

OP didn't mention whether she pulls him up or not.

That would be a hard 'I'm not cleaning up your father's pee' from me. Doesn't matter that DH is cooking, he gets to clean the loo too.
🤮

I hope your kids partners dont get fed up and resent you when your in your 80s.

Life's short and when people die thats it there will be no more calls no more Sunday get together no more nothing.

You have a DH problem.

If DH wants him there, even though he makes you feel uncomfortable then there’s not a lot you can do.

I would not want this type of behaviour in my home around my kids.

I teach them that when you go to other people’s homes then you are polite and respectful of them, even if you may disagree with how they do things but our home is our home and no one comes into it that makes any of us feel uncomfortable.

It sounds like none of them will be that sad when he’s gone.

He sounds awful.

If Sunday is your only day off, then presumably you work Saturday? Tell DH to invite him round on Saturdays from now on.

Yes life is too short. We should be happy to listen and let children be exposed to racism, sexism and misogyny every week.

Maybe suggest alternating. So every other weekend your husband goes there or they eat out somewhere?

He is so old that I wouldn’t make a big deal of it to be honest. You can still occasionally organise to go out for lunch with friends if you wish, go to the gym, shopping etc while he is there. You don’t need to be there to entertain always. Your husband can have a lunch with him and enjoy his time together.

The kids will be exposed to all of that one way or another. The point is to educate them to filter out what’s good and what’s not.

Maybe the OP should invite the kids friends round so they can listen to it every week too?

It is inevitable so lets deliberately expose the kids to it.