AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

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I really resent having my FIL come round every Sunday. I work full time and have a part time job on top, so it’s often my only day off and even then I’m often doing jobs round the house, like so many people I know.

He drives round to ours every Sunday and has lunch and stays for an hour or so. I would never want to stop my DH from seeing him, and he could easily pop over there (5 miles away) so I don’t understand why he has to come over here all the time. Also, to add: he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants. He left a previous marriage because when they had a baby she ‘didn’t have a meal on the table when he got home from work’. Is he just a product of his time and should I just deal with it (he’s 88 and lonely) or should I stand my ground and protect my weekend boundaries?

You have my full sympathy.
Your life sounds very full on.
Could ypu go for a walk and coffee somewhere and leave your husband to his father and children?
Take it as leaving them all for quality time together.

Tell him to sod off. He sounds vile!

I for one, wouldn't such vile racist and homophobic rubbish spoken around my kids especially if they were young.

I get where you’re coming from but you’ve said yourself that you’re busy doing things. I’d just carry on doing things while he’s there. Or I’d definitely tell DH to alternate going there/taking him to a cafe or garden centre or something.
It’s not as if you’re having to endure a Sunday lunch with him but I can also see why you’re irritated by it.

So its 2 hours then. You spend 2 hours with him once a week . Have a heart . I see my FIL 3 times a week, he's lonely and the company keeps him going. I work full time too and have a busy sideline but will always make time for family Bet you wouldn't be moaning if it was a relative of yours. Surely you can welcome him for 2 hours once a week, it's not a lot

So what has your dh said to the suggestion that he goes to fil for Sunday lunch every other week?

go out....just go out.

Start making some changes. Go out on a Sunday - let DH deal with his dad and you go and enjoy some time on your own. See a friend, get a coffee, go for a walk, get your nails done etc.

Nope. A proudly misogynist racist sexist homophobe doesn't deserve any pity.

Perhaps he could come round to yours?

Take yourself out for lunch with a friend and let them enjoy father-son time.

I loved my dad but i wouldn't have wanted the same commitment week after week , it's not unreasonable to want a bit of peace and your own space after working all week.

Why does this beastly vile cunt of a man get preferential treatment over the son's own WIFE?

If you work on Saturdays, get DH to invite FIL over on Saturday and say you’re busy on Sunday.

FIL gets to visit, DH has to cook and clear up the piss after he leaves and you don’t have to see him; everyone wins!

You should probably have tried to build boundaries, as they say, before, and you and your husband could have tried to make him a better person, not your job, but as you say, people are products of their environment. But now, as you say, he's unlikely to have much time left, and you've tolerated it this lomg, so seems mean to suddenly end it, so maybe just encourage your husband to do half the prep for him coming, and challenge any phobic talk especially if you have kids.

Why can’t your husband take him out for lunch out of the house instead ?

Yes. It would be foolish to risk him amending his Will which is presumably currently in DH's favour.

YANBU. Every week? That's crazy.
Get him to come over when you're working. Speak to your DH and tell him you need the house to yourself.

Where's your line for unacceptable behaviour?

He does. How many times does it have to be said?

Oh, Good For You.

Now what the fuck does your relationship with your FIL have to do with OP's situation???

Another bloody Pollyanna, virtue signalling for all she's worth 🙄

You need to alternate some weeks
Get DH to go to his
Go out for lunch
You go out as a family and tell him ‘not this week’ (it is a bit odd you never ever do anything at the weekend)

Then he still comes over every few weeks. He’s 88 so is not going to be forever, but equally could be a few more years of you never having a Sunday to yourself!

yanbu op. Every single week on your only day off is
clearly too much.

I wouldn’t tolerate the bigotry from him.

If you're just doing chores all day, surely you can sit and eat your cheese toast which will take all of 5 minutes then get on with your chores and leave your DH to hang out with his father?

So he was born in 1938 and was 20 in 1958 - his experience of married life would include an expectation for the wife to cook. Rightly or wrongly it would have been the expectation of virtually everyone at that time. My dad is also 88 and when first married came home at lunchtime from work expecting a meal as well as tea time. He does now do most of the cooking as mum has Alzheimer’s so people can obviously change. I think because you mentioned Sunday lunch people were imagining a full on Sunday roast, cheese on toast or scrambled egg is a lot less of an imposition. The toliet thing is often also part and parcel of being elderly, my dad has prostrate trouble (same as most men over 80), his flow is, well, somewhat unpredictable and he certainly couldn’t get down on the floor to clean up even if he was aware it needed it. Maybe if you did as others have suggested and have one Sunday a month off and one Sunday eating out, it might make you feel it was less of an imposition.