AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

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I really resent having my FIL come round every Sunday. I work full time and have a part time job on top, so it’s often my only day off and even then I’m often doing jobs round the house, like so many people I know.

He drives round to ours every Sunday and has lunch and stays for an hour or so. I would never want to stop my DH from seeing him, and he could easily pop over there (5 miles away) so I don’t understand why he has to come over here all the time. Also, to add: he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants. He left a previous marriage because when they had a baby she ‘didn’t have a meal on the table when he got home from work’. Is he just a product of his time and should I just deal with it (he’s 88 and lonely) or should I stand my ground and protect my weekend boundaries?

Have you expressed to DH you’d rather FIL didn’t come every week?k

Sorry if you’ve answered this. mN is glitching for me, it’s taken several mins to type and I can’t scroll up to check without everything vanishing 🙄

I suppose we don’t - and this is probably blowing my mind a bit. Quite honestly, Sunday is a reset day for me - laundry, cleaning, sorting uniforms etc.

Am I missing out on life? We are never away at the weekend, but often busy doing swimming lessons and sport sessions etc.

Just go out for lunch every week?

Suggest you go out for lunch somewhere.

Yes I have. Several times.

I agree.

Leave DH with his dad and the 3 dcs.
Go out for lunch or maybe even better see your own family/friends etc….

My parents are hard work. I’d never exoect dh to have to see them every week like that.

Decency would be OP's FIL not being racist, sexist, homophobic and saying that he hates immigrants. It's really easy not being any of those things and him being 80 isn't an excuse. Family or not, I wouldn't welcome someone with those views in my home, never mind cooking them a Sunday dinner every week.

Why can't you alternate
One week DH goes there and cooks for him at home ,then you get some peace and space

Op I am in the car about to visit my lovely terminally ill FIL in hospital. He was fit and well up until a short time ago. Embrace the visits and remember you’ll be old one day too.

Have you asked FIL to clean up his piss after himself? Or if he won't tell your DH to sort it?

Oh god no. Pass the toilet to your husband. I'd start going out and having some lovely Sundays to myself and also tell your H to start going to visit his dad instead. You do not have to put up with this. The people saying 'poor lonely old man, it's not much to do for him' should invite him round to their homes to be racist and sexist, eat a meal and shit all over their toilet.

FFS

You have a lovely FIL. OP doesn't. Take the Pollyanna shite elsewhere 🙄

The least his son could do is clean up his sodding piss / shit.

If your husband is refusing to decline the visits, then he is not putting you first. Whether you put up with this, and in what way, is up to you.

Perhaps the fucker will die soon.

It's about two hours and he's a bigoted, racist arsehole.

I'd be getting a colour change mat like this to put next to the toilet!

https://www.amazon.com/Bloody-Bath-Mat-Sheet-Footprints/dp/B075MXJ6LJ?th=1

The reason I mention it is wondering if this lunch date is unconsciously being prioritised over other family things? You could do X,Y,Z for the day but you can't because you all need to be available for FIL for 2-3 hours on a Sunday?

Sundays are my days for adventure with DD & DH, sometimes we do just loll about relaxing, or doing chores, DIY or entertaining family, but it is OUR day to do with as we wish, I could never be beholden to a certain time and place week in week out as it would drive me crazy, we get enough of strict scheduling during the week! I'm not surprised this is grinding you down.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely think it is right he should be able to see his dad once a week at your house if he wants to, but the whole household should not be expected to grind to a halt to accommodate it at a set time and day every week.

If he won't budge on flexibility, then I'd suggest start planning family activities on a Sunday once a month, or taking up a new hobby and going out while he is there once every couple of weeks, or doing something yourself with the kids which takes you all away and leave your DH, once you break the pattern and no longer feel obligated to even be there then it may stress you out less and you won't mind it so much.

What does he say?

Is your FIL an outspoken racist, homophobic bigot who thinks a woman's place is in the home? Why on earth would OP embrace the visits of someone with those hideous views? To top it all off, he pisses all over their bathroom floor and OP has to clean it up.

Most people will be old one day, including those with racist views. That shouldn't give them a free pass.

He’s 88, so this is likely to be a short term problem. Personally I think I’d just keep quiet and find something pressing to do elsewhere when he calls in.

Why do ppl always trot this sort of stuff out? Fine if the elderly person is reasonably pleasant, but op’s fil is openly racist, sexist, homophobic and pees on the floor. Why should old age be a free pass to be horrible?
Presumably your dfil has none of these repugnant qualities.

Be thankful. I used to have to see my mother and father in law every single day without fail so they could see their granddaughter. If we ever had plans and didn't then pop in on the way back the next day they would walk into our house in an absolutely foul mood and ignore me.
My now ex mother in law is a snotty no it all who looks down on everyone. Constantly back stabbing someone or other whilst pretending she is perfect.
13 years I put up with it. My ex wife wouldn't rock the boat as she is worried about her inheritance.

He's not even getting lunch! It's cheese on toast. It doesn't seem a lot, especially as you're not actually making the toast.

So what?

I'm not putting up with listening to that in my house. It would be dealt with straight away as well rather than letting it fester.
I do not clean up after animals either. So your husband needs to tell him to clean up if he has an accident or have a sit down pee. But again I would stop that immediately.

I mean, he's not going to be around that much longer, is he? A couple of hours a week doesn't seem like much to ask, especially if DH is cooking (and I'd make him clean the toilet too!) Can't you just take yourself off after lunch and leave DH to it? Either get on with the chores that need doing, go out for a walk or meet a friend for coffee, or go for a lie down upstairs and read or whatever. You don't have to entertain him.