AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

Honestly this is ridiculous. He’s a grown man, he is perfectly capable of looking after his own children for a couple of hours. Why does he need a “check in”?

I would understand more if you were flying long haul but for a flight of duration after factoring in takeoff and landing there’s only about 45 minutes in which to move around the plane anyway.

What a baby.

In 2 minds about this. Yes I would have checked but usually it is the woman on the plane who gets the kids. Did your OH do his share of parenting while on holiday?

I'd be so pissed off if my DH didn't at least offer to swap half way through. Of course I could cope, but why should I have to whilst their other parent was happily enjoying reading their book in peace for the entire flight?

Pretty sure he could have alerted you if there was an issue since you were travelling on the same plane 😂

I think it's a bit out of order personally. You should have at least checked if a loo break was needed etc.
My husband recently sat with our daughter on an outbound flight and I took her to the toilet and watched her whilst he did
I would have expected the same in return.

WTAF

so gross.

make up for what? Him parenting solo for a couple of hours.
you think he gets to use her body as payment / compensation?

None of us really know the OP's exact situation. Is she the one who does most of the heavy lifting at home? Why didn't she have enough time to read her book? Was it because she was organising everyone on their holiday?
I don't know, but assuming Their life is like that of the majority of other families, I decided she needed a break.

Is he normally inadequate as a an adult?

Would he have checked on you if this was the other way round?

It’s not a foregone conclusion that the reason she couldn’t finish her book on holiday is down to her feckless husband. I wouldn’t have finished many books on holiday when my kids were those ages and my husband is very much a 50/50 parent.

I don't see a problem, and neither does DH. We've both flown alone with DS. It's fine.

It depends really. If he normally steps up and parents and you have a good balance, YABU and should gave swapped part way through the flight. If he takes the piss and leaves you to pick up the slack, I’d say that’s karma and YANBU.

Hmm. This isn't really about this flight, is it?
Do you do the lion's share of childcare, including on this holiday? Hence not being able to read a book, not even in thr evening after such young kids were asleep? Does he normally leave it all to you at home and felt hard done by when he actually had to have both kids at once for a couple of hours?

We would probably each have made a joke about it while the one on their own skipped off down the aisle. Whilst knowing the other was going to have them both solo on another occasion. The solo one would also have thanked the other for allowing them a bit of peace, because flying with two little ones is painful.

A little kindness goes a long way in a relationship. The 'he's an adult' type snark and his sulk suggests you may both have forgotten how to look after each other here and that there is a bigger issue that needs addressing around equality in your relationship.

If you do the lion’s share of the parenting the rest of the time then I don’t see why he couldn’t manage by himself for 2.5 hours without needing another adult to “check on him”.

He’s probably annoyed you didn’t “check on him” because he would have asked you to swap!

🤢🤮

Exactly. Or he could press the button for the steward if in a situation like a projectile vomiting child and asked them fetch you to help.

It was a very short flight and unless you’re going to drip feed that the kids behaved like complete horrors the whole time then I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.

DH says yanbu.

Yanbu. As someone who travelled to Oz and back on my own with two under 3, one that wasn’t quite walking, he just needed to get on with it.

But you are not a single parent.
And if that is your reasoning, would it be acceptable if he checked out of everything related to home life?
Are you a team or just in it for yourselves? Genuine question - because there maybe some underlying resentment.

I mean I'd have pop in to say hi and check in because I think id want him to and its nice to be nice, no?

Yes and he would do the same back.
And we do things for each other even though the other person is an adult and could do it for themselves. A little bit of thought for the other person goes a long way, assuming it is not always one way.

So a man cannot be expected to look after his own kids in an enclosed space for a couple of hours?

Really?

OP you have done nothing wrong.

It is always amazing how low the bar of expectations is set when it comes to men and childcare.

Grim. Do you give your husband a blow job whenever he’s pissed off with you?

Some leverage he has…

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for this. It was a short flight and your husband is perfectly capable of caring for your children. You would just be a nuisance wandering up and down the aisle to check on them.

I wouldn’t expect DP to come and check on me & kids if we were seated separately. It probably wouldn’t occur to me to check on them either as I’d expect they’d be perfectly fine unless they came and told me otherwise.

It’s not about childcare - it’s just about being a normal human being. If the roles were reversed I would expect the father to check in on the mother.
Actually, if DH and I were flying without DC and ended up in different parts of the plane, we would wander over for quick hello and a check-in…. We actually do love and care about each other so it wouldn’t occur to us to act in any other way.

No. I would have savoured the peace. Despite his potential irritation.