AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

I would have offered to swap half way to be fair - so would DH if he had taken the single seat.
DH would have been perfectly capable of managing a 2.5h flight with our children at that age but it’s not exactly fun is it?!
In fact this exact scenario happened to us when DD was 2, 2 seats together with DH and DD took then one single further back 2h flight. I did check on them when I went to the loo and offered to swap but DH said he was fine because he didn’t want to sit in a middle seat between two strangers anyway!

For him just having to be a parent for 2.5hrs?

Would he have checked if roles were reversed? I think he should have been able to cope for 2.5 hrs

It is still possible to do both.
I can’t imagine either of us feeling like that about each other that way about each other.

My DH still checks in to see if the evening is going ok when he does a long day and I am at home with the DC, and they are older teens who are no trouble. So far removed from a cramped plane journey with young children.

It would have been a nice thing to do if you thought he would struggle, but it's not something that would get more than a passing comment from me, let alone being annoyed about it for days.

Does he normally hold long grudges over relatively minor incidents like this?

If he is usually a fairly absent parent then I think the fact that you though of yourself for once and left him to manage is fair game. If you are more equal I think its a bit selfish. I definitely would have, but then in the reverse, pretty sure he wouldn't check on me for such a short flight.

I’d nott expect it but be pleasantly surprised if it happened. Generally my wife would rather the kids than a stranger though.

I am sorry, but you think trusting your partner to look after his own kids for the duration of a relatively short flight means that you are not a ''normal human being'' or that you don't love your partner?

Sometimes these threads feel like stepping into some kind of weird, parallel universe.

He isn’t a singly parent though. I’d have checked with DH, and he has done the same for me.

It’s a bloody joke. Unclench.

I was joking you know.

Nah just steak. It was a joke!

My comment still stands. It was only a 2 1/2 hour flight. But you do you.

Weird joke. You’re not funny

It was a bit funny.

We grin and bear it 😂 If you were saying your DH ignored you and the 2 kids all flight, I'd be saying he's a useless parent. Why is it different because you're the mother? (Still waiting for the 'reverse' reveal, tbh)

YANBU. On our holidays I did the child wrangling on airplanes, and dh slept. In return he does all the holiday driving, and we’re both happy. It’s definitely active parenting but not really a major deal.

Whilst I would have checked myself, I am paradoxically secretly somewhat in awe of you OP and kind of admire what you did.

You are being deliberately obtuse. Nothing to do with trust at all.

Lighten up. Have some Pimms.

If it was me I would have checked in but I am more interested and impressed that you got to sit on your own as the mother and not the father. How did that end up happening? Well done! 👍

This.

Op did he make his needs very clear to you, or did he expect you to be a mind reader?

Been in a similar situation and swapped half way. Hard work, at least when my kids were under 5, and the person in the single seat definitely gets a better deal

No well done from me.

In that situation I'd never have needed to make XH "step up and parent". Because he was a parent.

If women keep telling each other things like this, then women are setting each other a low bar and building an expectation that men are all incapable and need to be told what to do by "mum".

OP-when that happened to XH and I, we agreed a time we'd swap seats. YABU.