AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

I think you should have swapped halfway. As a lone parent I did flights with 2 children and it's hard, he could have done with a break. It's so much easier with 2 people to take the responsibility. Perhaps he might have liked to relax with a book too.

YANBU. Have you left him alone with them whilst you go for a weekend away (or night)? I think you should consider that. My DB copes perfectly well with his toddler (including bedtimes) by himself.

From the wording of 'finish the book I didn't get a chance to on holiday' I am going to assume that the DH left most of the active parenting to OP while they were away, so this is her claiming the time back.

If so, then yanbu OP. If it is fair for you to do all the graft on holiday, it is fair him to take this turn. After all, if it was such hard work he wouldn't have left it up to you while you were away.

If not then yabu, offering to tag in half way is pretty normal.

He could have pressed the call button and asked the attendant to get you? Or texted you.

I would highly doubt it was 50/50, and if OP sat with the kids on the way out why shouldn't she have some peace and quiet ont he way back, it's only 2.5hrs

Phones would have been on airplane mode obviously

Yes, it was unreasonable and you were selfish not to swap with him at some point or check in with him. I bet you wouldn’t have wanted to have been left dealing with your two small kids by yourself for the duration of the flight.

I love it when women excel in male dominated fields.

@Dhflightsulk oh, the poor chick.
He watched his own dc for 2.5hrs.
Be sure to post it on the fridge.
Mr. Dhflight watched his own dc today with no help.

Don't feel bad op, I'm sure you'll be repaying him the favour for years.

Your dh definitely drew the short straw there 🤣 I would have gone down halfway through and offered him to swap seats for a while. Flying with young kids is intense.

I sat with 2 of my 3 children for 9 hours on the way to Florida who at the time were 1.5 & 4. They were fine. I told DP to have a rest and relax.

2.5 hours is nothing

Yeah you were pretty selfish not to swap halfway. Sure, he can cope but why should he have to when there are 2 parents to take turns?

Sorry if I am being obtuse but I would be happy to leave a child on their own briefly while I took the other one to the toilet. If you're standing up, unless it's a huge plane, you can usually see them and it's not like they can go anywhere.

I think some of this depends on what your kids are like and your approach. We are into tablets for travel - they don't have lots of screen time normally so on a 2.5 flight, I would just plug them in to a movie and read my book. Obviously need to deal with toilet trips and snacks and stuff but it's not a huge thing

I’m another one who would have wandered down halfway through to say hello and check if everything was ok/he wanted to swap. Of course he could and should be able to cope on his own for the flight, but we’re a partnership and I actually like him so I’d want to make sure he’d didn’t need any support (ie “one child had fallen asleep and the other needed the loo” type scenarios.

So you do the return trip by yourself yes? That’s fair.

Just because single parents would have to do it on their own, doesn’t mean it’s fair that one person gets to relax, read their book and order drinks whilst the other had both kids all flight long.

I’d have arranged to swap half way.

Oh this is the return flight… I dunno steak and bj tonight for him to make it up?!

Was the reason you’d barely had a chance to read your book while away that your DH mostly left you to be the default parent while he had more time to chill?

Or was he doing equal parenting with you, and it was just the fact of having two small DC that meant neither of you had much time to yourselves?

I think if the former YANBU, if the latter YABU.

I'd be really irritated if DH didn't come down at some point but if, during the holiday, you did the hard yards, then I think you were entitled to a 2.5hr break.
What makes me wonder, though, is that the kids were happy to sit with him and not you. They usually want to be with the most involved parent.

In your case, I probably would've offered up front to switch part way through but if the answer was no thanks I'd leave him to it. If I did get up e.g .to use the toilet I'd have stopped briefly to say hi, but otherwise on a flight that short I'd probably have stayed in my seat so I wasn't clogging up the aisles unnecessarily. In his case, it wouldn't have occurred to me to be upset that you didn't come by (I'm assuming there was no way to text or otherwise communicate) since there WAS no issue. If there had been an issue and I needed you and couldn't bring or leave the children I'd have put on the attendant light and asked a flight attendant to alert you.

Why is he still talking about this, though? Does he want the two of you to agree to do things differently if the situation happens again (OK, let's discuss it) or does he just want to criticise you/rant (I'd probably tune it out after a while)?

That’s not really the point is it? You’re not a single parent and neither is DH. You were both on the flight together, but one of you got to completely relax and kick back with a drink and a book whilst the other had to manage two very young children in a confined space for 2.5 hours by themself. The fair thing to do, as PPs have suggested, would have been to offer to swap with him halfway through.

I was on a flight only this week, the mum was in a row with 2 young children, the younger one was not a happy bunny at all. The father was across the aisle, and hardly interacted with his family at all, during the 4 hour flight, so, OP, I think you did the right thing.

I’d have checked on him definitely. And probably offered to swap half way

…how is this your conclusion when you have no idea of the dynamic between the OP and her husband…?

It may have been nice to walk back and just check in. but not necessary because it’s an aeroplane, ones that take you on 2.5hr flights aren’t that big so if there was any kind of issue, you’d have been made aware of it pretty bloody quickly.

plus it was only 2.5hrs, I’m sure he was fine really. Just didn’t enjoy being the ‘on’ parent.

boohoo for him. I’m sure you’ve had the kids sat with you for that long before. Probably on the flight out and even if he was sat across the aisle on the way out, how much active parenting did he do?

For what it’s worth for families of 4 I suggest booking 2 x 2 seats on flights. 1 adult to 1 child and that way no one is stretched too thin and in tbd unlikely event of needing to exit in an emergency you have 1 child each to focus on.