Was DP’s comment to waiter ‘encouraging’ or crass?

[Janeywestblue]

We had a lovely meal at our local earlier. Our waiter was someone we hadn’t seen before and he told us he was on his first shift when he came over to take our drinks order. DP commented to him ‘I bet your arse is twitching like a rabbit’s nose’ to which he sort of awkwardly/politely laughed. I told DP off and he said the waiter would appreciate him breaking the ice and having a laugh with him.

I disagree and thought it was crass. AIBU?

@Janeywestblue what does that even mean?However, talking about the waiters arse twitching like a rabbit’s nose - whatever that means - is of course crass.

Your DH is very bottom of the barrel and should be kept at home being one-to-one tutored on common decency.

Like my kids have said, if you want to learn to dislike people in general, work in retail or hospitality.

Lived all over the UK and never heard this and would never want to. I'm so glad my dh isn't like this.

Would he have said the same thing had it been a waitress and not a waiter? I suspect not, because you’d have been asked to leave. I don’t understand why people think this kind of comment is appropriate for a male, but wouldn’t dream of saying it to a female. It’s very creepy and inappropriate.

Does he often comment on the condition of other men's bottoms?

Jesus wept, people telling OP to leave her partner, calm down
sounds like a misjudged and, yes, crass comment but without ANY context about your partner as a person how on earth can anyone pass comment really.
you know whether this was clumsily or if it is a side of his character you don’t like and have seen it in this scenario, nobody else does

Yes it was crass. If it wasn't a common thing I'd let it go now I'd mentioned it though.

My husband used the 'selling ice to eskimos' idiom in a business setting recently, I cringed hard. Somehow he'd missed all the reasons it's now problematic.

Another proportional response from MN 🙄

It's weird alright!😂

But no, I don't think it was less embarrassing for the waiter...

or compare them with a twitchy bunny nose?

Oh god, this is really grim. I just can't imagine what was going through his mind when he decided to comment on the waiter's arsehole. Does he often engage in 'banter' when out and about? I wonder whether he's one of those 'Cheer up, it might never happen' men, sharing his hilarious comments and making people (often solo women) cringe.

I don't think it is the whole bottom. I think this refers to a need to use the loo urgently - think along the lines of incoming nervous diarrhoea.

ETA or outcoming I guess ...

How embarrassing, incredibly uncouth.

i hear all sorts of craziness at work (supermarket), it’s weird for the moment but the partners always look far more like they’re going to die from cringe, doubt he thought much about it after the initial comment compared to OP. It’s weird but not as weird as some are making it out to be on this thread it’s essentially just a variety of squeaky bum time

I think it's somehow the reference to the bunny nose that tips it over the edge.

Yes, we did this, about a year ago. Student waiter on his first shift at our favourite restaurant. He knew the menu, and did really well.

What a strange thing for your DP to do, OP.

Oh, OK.

I mean, I have heard that it is one of those common but not often talked about things, that soldiers might soil themselves when going in to battle. For example, leaving one of the landing craft at the Normandy beaches on D-Day.

But it would seem like an extreme reaction to attribute to someone on their first night waiting on in a pub.

It is interesting to compare this thread with the softplay thread also trending.

There lots of posters thought the reference to the op's bottom was acceptable as a way to deal with awkwardness, but the difference there was she had accidentally pushed her bum in his face (you need to read it for that bit to make sense) so that part of her was already topical. In this instance it is just a totally left field reference to his bottom.

Indeed it would.

I say loads of things my parents wouldn't have approved of. Nothing this embarrassing though, but definitely things that have nothing to do with my upbringing.

Nice bit of satire there. 😅

Is it just me or has there been a trend lately of threads where the OPs report something inappropriate that their male DP has said to someone, and it's always an arse-themed comment? 😬😆

I don’t think I really understand it. Do people’s arses twitch when they are nervous? I imagine the waiter was a bit confused. But if your DP was being friendly then I suppose the waiter might not have taken too much offence?

Did it only start after you got married?

Well I was wondering about the conceptual links - if that isn't too grandiose a term for butt threads - with the softplay thread.

I also notice it on name threads. Strings of posters decide that place names are not MN approved and suddenly there is a crop of "Thoughts on the name Manhattan for our baby" or "Is Idaho too potato-like to name our baby?" threads.