Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

[Thesleer]

I don’t know if i’m being unfair. I’m in my early forties and my parents are late sixties. They have a few buy to let properties and whilst not incredibly wealthy they are comfortable. I feel this detail is relevant as it means they have lots of options open to them. Neither work now, they are in decent health generally, have a few grandchildren they see regularly. Both have wide friendship groups and socialise.

But, they just don’t seem happy. Always wanting something else. Is this what happens as you get older? The current drama is whether they need to move house, it’s like they enjoy creating a chaotic situation that simply doesn’t need to exist. Every weekend they’ve asked me to view houses with them (I have two dc so life is quite busy!) and they often comment on how life is nearly over.

On a lesser scale, there’s often dramas about getting home from a shop and the blueberries or whatever being off, calling the shop and having a rant about it, just really insane petty things. It all seems so stressful even from the outside!

I have sympathy in the sense that I can understand how life can feel empty sometimes even when it isn’t, but truthfully I’m also getting sick of the inability to see they have a pretty nice life! AIBU? Is this what happens as people
age?

My inlaws do the house thing. Pouring money into their house doing unnecessary renovations they'll never make back. Its like a hobby for them. They're in their 80s and their world has definitely because smaller through health concerns but they don't seem to sweat the small stuff. I think that may be more to do with personality traits rather than age.

I think the loss of confidence and increased anxiety is definitely a common change that I have observed. Also, the elderly are often being phased by minor things and jobs take far longer.
All these things are completely understandable though.

The negativity, angriness, unhappiness and making fairly routine things into a nightmare and being demanding over them are more specific to the OP's parents and personality related imo.

This is a skill that could be harnessed for good - get them to run for parish/town council - they’re just the people to get things done. If they weren't always like this are they getting enough exercise? I notice mine and my DP’s moods dip if we’re not getting out regularly, even if it’s just for a walk.

And if you can, wean them from the Daily Mail (this will be pretty much impossible). Reading hate and bile every day is not going to make them any happier.

I totally agree, although this isn't something that is particular to the elderly.

Mine are pretty positive unless they start talking politics, then it’s all boat people and tax talk. My mum reads the telegraph which doesn’t help.

Mine are like this. It makes it hard work when I see them. Anything I tell them they mange to put a negative spin on. I already feel like I am trying to manage a family, house job and older parents so the constant negativity is draining

I'm the same age as your parents. I am not like they are at all! I am pretty relaxed about most things nowadays.

I don’t think it’s necessarily an age thing, rather a time thing. My sil is the same since she gave up work after having dc. They’ve grown up and now everything is now a ‘drama’. Queue at the post office, no bread at the corner shop, run out of cornflour - a few of this week’s ranting issues.

Mine are 80s and largely content and grateful for the life they have but are disproptionally irate at mknor things such as when bin doesn't get collected or cold calls. After a couple of rants I avoid them on those occasions and they got the message and rant to each other!

My parents are very recognisable versions of themselves when we were all younger. I’m older too. They just have a little more time to think about things. My mum will bang on about VAR and my dad about the ‘state’ of the UK. TBF if either of them started talking about mouldy blueberries I’d just say something like ‘puts X into perspective doesn’t it’, then we’d all move on.

I think it can be partly memory issues - so worrying about which bin to put out and when...... but also anxiety, I have a friend who is sooo stressed about anything, she is on her own but I'm a couple of years younger and my attitude is more laid back - the garden will still be here whether you mow on a certain day or not, our house is 100 years old, it will survive the odd leak, loose slate, dripping tap, pointless having a melt down.
She is not fun to be around.

I notice I have also switched off about bad drivers, busy roads, too much rain etc etc - I'm a happy bunny

My mum is like this but she always has been. Shes 86 now and is constantly angry with everyone, moans all the time and now gets upset that no one wants to spend time with her. She’s even had three different cleaning companies walk out and refuse to work for her and i recently found out that all the gardeners in the area have put her on a blacklist because she’s so vile to them. My dad was the opposite.
cheerful, friendly, never complained. Even when he was very ill.

MIL is like this since retiring (had a high level City job so worked long hours and under stress) and I think it’s boredom/less to fill her world.

I’m 62 , so can understand a bit from where your parents are . I’ve watched my own parents die as well as friends and relatives . Seen a lot of sad things in life and when you are in your 50s it’s a bit of a turning point. When I turned 60 it’s like reality hit and you start thinking differently.
instead of looking forward, you start thinking about what you haven’t done, regrets, and if you are going to be healthy in the years to come or suffer like maybe you’ve seen in older family members that have passed away .ive seen some harrowing stuff .

i have had a knee replacement and have arthritis, also health in general is starting to deteriorate . It’s really frustrating as inside my mind I’m still young, (I’m a ps5 gamer addict ffs 😂) just with a lot more experience in life .
We are in the middle of moving to a nicer quieter area , to make things easier , but that thought that not so great things are looming is never far from my mind .
Maybe that’s what you see in your parents ,money and being successful isn’t everything. Sorry to sound so depressing but I do get what you see in your parents

I think what someone said upthread about hobbies has made me think that I need something for my 70s and 80s. My 80 year old parents in law are out and about, mostly with our dog. But you do see that thing where one small task takes all day….or week.

why did you let your day be overtaken? I can assure that my retirement is not being wasted.

I think this happens when people have too much time and no significant worries. It's like there is a need to have a problem and in the absence of a 'real' problem mouldy blueberries will do!

My dad is lives alone and has few friends... I swear he switches phone / broadband providers in the hope it won't go smoothly so he will need to make multiple calls to customer service, go into town to the phone shop, write emails of complaint and then tell everyone he meets about how awful 'X company are, the minute details of the issues, and compare it to the previous switch 12 months ago.

It gives him something to do / talk about/ moan about!

I’d say definitely not true. A big age gap affects you more as you get older. In my 40s I was in a relationship with a man in his 60s. Lasted 4 years. Eventually he started to get old man-ish and got on my nerves.

My parents are the same, as a PP says i put it down to having too much time on their hands

Every minor inconvenience becomes a story

Because I don’t live in a bubble
where I can prevent my partner having visitors to my/his home!

I intend to enjoy my retirement too. The phrase ‘wasted on the young’ doesn’t mean literally that anyway, it means that a a young person lacks the life experience to optimise their youth and, vice versa in retirement when you get the gift of time and you have the experience, it may not be at an optimum time (ill health, tiredness) or you may just have seen so much of the world by then it’s hard not to be a bit jaded and cynical! All generalities of course.

This is a reason for an early retirement which I intend to seek. I will try to be mindful with others of what it is like to work, be busy with family, to guard your time because time is precious. Who knows though - years in, like childbirth, I fear the edges of the memory become softer and it gets hard to truly imagine what it is like to live a different life. Sometimes having someone with time to complain is no bad thing though; local plans wouldn’t be written without the retired and if the shop improves their stock handling due to complaints about blueberries, then that benefits everyone including those who don’t have time to complain about blueberries!

but they aren't your relatives?

In-laws. So yes relatives but non-blood relatives.

you still don't have to give up your day off for them unless you choose to.

Indeed! AIBU would be empty if not for younger people getting het up about absolutely nothing!