Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

[Thesleer]

I don’t know if i’m being unfair. I’m in my early forties and my parents are late sixties. They have a few buy to let properties and whilst not incredibly wealthy they are comfortable. I feel this detail is relevant as it means they have lots of options open to them. Neither work now, they are in decent health generally, have a few grandchildren they see regularly. Both have wide friendship groups and socialise.

But, they just don’t seem happy. Always wanting something else. Is this what happens as you get older? The current drama is whether they need to move house, it’s like they enjoy creating a chaotic situation that simply doesn’t need to exist. Every weekend they’ve asked me to view houses with them (I have two dc so life is quite busy!) and they often comment on how life is nearly over.

On a lesser scale, there’s often dramas about getting home from a shop and the blueberries or whatever being off, calling the shop and having a rant about it, just really insane petty things. It all seems so stressful even from the outside!

I have sympathy in the sense that I can understand how life can feel empty sometimes even when it isn’t, but truthfully I’m also getting sick of the inability to see they have a pretty nice life! AIBU? Is this what happens as people
age?

this is definitely a thing. We’ve just had my PIL and my mum stay with us for my eldest school graduation. My MIL cried twice while she was here. Once because my 11 year old old mentioned that she thinks my FIL favorites my nephew and the other time because she doesn’t feel as academic as my mum. Absolutely exhausting. I just had to say to her that I loved her very much but she can’t be doing this at such a busy time.

My parents were quite dramatic as in everyone needed to know all the detail. “We had to buy a new kettle!!”, “my hairdresser has left the salon!!” etc.
So, whilst I am including them in the settling of my late father’s estate because it affects them directly, and even tho I do speak to a combination of the three every day, I don’t share things they don’t need to know.
My daughters were upset that I hadn’t told them about a mammogram recall, but why bother them unless there was something to be bothered about (there wasn’t).

Edited to point out that it’s my three children whom I am including in the settling of my father’s estate 🙄

I agree, from my time working in healthcare and with the public, elderly people are so rude and entitled and will argue black is white even when proved wrong.

No, my parents aren't like that at all and neither are any retired people I know. They're just glad and appreciative of having more time and are busy.

Perhaps is less then never being happy is how they always have been to a lesser / less obvious extent

I am extrapolating hugely but with multiple buy to lets that suggests very money driven and that isn’t associated with being a happy sort of person

Check out the symptoms for Dementia. It is possible one of your parents has it and the other is covering.

I find this "they need to be busy, they need a routine" thing really strange. One of the things I dumped as soon as I retired was being busy and having a routine. I do keep active. I am a keen gardener and do a load of my own DIY but I do it to my schedule and If I want to binge watch something and go to bed at 2am, I will do that too. I know that all people are different.

Not an age thing at all. Family with a few nonagenarians here and none of them behave like this. The comments about their lives nearly being over are particularly odd. Realistically they could live another 20 years. Age really is an attitude.

That doesn't sound normal. Must be awful to be around. We are in our 60's and that is not tracking with me.

My brother maintains that everyone needs a certain amount of drama or stress in their lives. He reckons the retired for a while create the stress they would have had at work etc by getting annoyed at petty nonsense that wouldn’t have been on their radar when younger. I’m not entirely convinced.

No my parents were always happy. I only have my mum now but she is one of the most positive people I know. X

I think there will always be the half empty and the half full type of people and don't think it has anything to do with age. Look at Gen Z and all their mental health problems.

I'm approaching 60 and very happy with my lot. I don't have much but make a point of enjoying myself. I'm also not one of these MN women who get all frothy about men. Love them too!

Mine are both dead & my mum died young but I remember my dad as he got older losing confidence & getting more anxious. He was generally a happy person & a lovely man but seemed to lose confidence over things he had previously done with ease and worried a lot more about things. He enjoyed being alive but found the physical effects and mental effects (memory etc) of ageing depressing.

Definitely was the case with my mum but she was always a drama queen. It just got worse after she retired. Dad, on the other hand, was always pretty chill and mostly remained that way.

PILs are lovely but both worriers and that's gotten worse with age too. I think it's probably more a case of age/too much free time amplifying the more negative personality traits.

does your bro always talk rubbish?

My mother is 83 and sucks every single solitary piece of joy out of a room or even a phone call. She is also a generally horrible human. That said, she has always been this way so, I assure you, it could be worse 😂

It’s also interesting that people talk about older people assessing their own mortality, thinking about how much time they’ll have left alive. I do this a lot and I’m only 46. Possibly because I lost my mum at 22 when she was only 53. I often calculate my children’s ages if I were to die at various ages and I have a very latent buried terror of leaving my children when they’re “young” (particularly my eldest who has nothing to do with his dad).

I'm going on 75 and my DH nearly 80. His health has seriously deteriorated over the past year and is now virtually housebound and I have the task of looking after him for everything in his life as well as all the cooking, cleaning, gardening, driving, household finances etc. etc. I wanted us to move house to something more sensible than our 5-bed detached with large garden but he wouldn't hear of it, so now our lounge has become a hospital bedroom and he lives in there with some visits in his wheelchair to the breakfast room to watch telly and eat his meals. He is doubly incontinent and is currently at the hospital (50 miles away) under specialist neurological investigations.

My life has changed beyond recognition in less than a year and the stress is driving me insane. I am so tired I could sleep all day, but am existing on 4-5 hours a night, often disturbed. Plus I have spent the last 30 months battling cancer and new symptoms have arisen that are worrying me to death.

That said, I am a fighter, and not about to go under yet. I keep up to date with the news, politics etc and am pretty good with technology. I volunteer in a serious capacity for two local charities (mostly work I can do at home) and my main complaint is that I have lost all my friends either through recent deaths or the fact that I can't go out and meet people. I don't fuss about blueberries, rarely complain about minor stuff (though I might rant about it to DH!).

All that said, I have developed the annoying feature of becoming overwhelmed with everything and have to keep asking my wonderful DD (busy-busy mum of two and a full-time job) to help out - and she does her best so I am very lucky.

But right now I hate what my life has become so suddenly and am fearful for our futures. My main concern is that my youngest DD (43) is currently in the maternity ward of a hospital 200 miles away, being induced with her first (and probably only) child and I am not likely to be able to visit every again.

Yes, we thought we were comfortably off in retirement but carers 4 times a day for 30 minutes a time are costing over £50k a year. I may well become a grumpy old lady before too long!

Rant over. Be thankful that your aging parents have nothing else to worry about other than blueberries!

Myself and my friend have noticed how difficult older people can be on buses. She is a very fit 81 year old and I am a physically disabled 67 year old. I walk with the aid of a rollator, so it's fairly obvious I have mobility issues, but some older people are not accommodating at all, even keeping their shopping on the adjacent seat without offering to move it.

No, but can’t make anyone else happy, so don’t waste your energy trying to.

I wouldn’t get too involved in their dramas or go on endless viewings they are not exactly old and you have young DC.

@Hallywally I know this is not quite what the thread was looking at, but what you are describing is entirely normal when you've lost a parent at a relatively young age - there's a great book called Motherless Mothers which I think you'd find helpful, I know I did. My mum died when I was 13 and she was 54 so around that time of my life I was thinking how much longer do I have, will I leave my children alone etc.

Not all old people are like that. But l.think.l.know the sort of old people you are referring.to And they may behave like that because they have nothing better to do.

My MIL is like this, my parents were not. They broke up when I was young, both lived till great ages, mid eighties and for my Mother mid nineties.

Both had known great adversity as children as grew up in WW2 and my Fathers family were refugees to Hong Kong, his sister died whilst feeling the Japanese. He talked about her a lot just before he died. My maternal English grandfather died in WW2, he was in the army and my Mother was around 15 at the time.

My MIL has had a very easy life, very wealthy parents, did divorce FIL, her choice but was fine. She gets completely hysterical and obsessive about minor stuff.

I sometimes think people that experience real adversity can get to a stage where they are just glad they are not in that stage anymore. MIL hasn’t had real adversity and creates problems. I have just been 60 and I feel like I want to cram in as much as possible now I’m in my more Autumnal years, but I have been in New England in the fall and it’s glorious, that’s how I look at life.

I’m 67 with a 96 yr old mother. I do not consider myself old!! I worry more, seeing danger in many more situations than I used to, but I put that down to life events.

I am actually less likely to be bothered by the little things. I feel that maturity helps you see the bigger picture “it is only a carton of blueberries” etc.

I guess we all develop in different ways.