If you send your child to private school…

[Quej]

Do you genuinely think it’s worth it or do you regret it… and why?

Ah ok! That makes more sense.
We live in a large village, in a generally low income area. There aren’t any choices for state secondary school… there is only one locally that the children have any real chance of getting a place at. I wouldn’t say it’s ‘unsafe’ necessarily, but it has a very strong reputation for bullying and low level violence. I went there, i hated it, and based on the experiences of many children who have attended recently/currently, it’s now worse. The problem with places like this (villages/small towns in low income areas) is that a lot of children are brought up with no real aspirations to leave or to make something of their lives, and I think that has a significant impact on behaviour and attainment. My kids would probably have been fine academically had they have gone there, they’re both very bright. However my eldest would have stuck out like a sore thumb and been a target for bullies. She’s likely ND, an absolute geek, not sporty in any way, not interested in any form of popular culture… honestly I think she’d have been crucified. My middle child would probably have got embroiled in the poor behaviour due to peer pressure and not reached her potential. We looked at moving but as I mentioned thread there were many reasons we had to park the idea. Honestly I’d far rather they went to a good state school were I thought they’d thrive, and in turn I could have a bigger house, a snazzy car and some luxury holidays! But we had to make our choice.

Some do, it depends what their job is.

Durham is full of private school people who brag about it constantly. And public school, not just big standard independent schools. She’s obviously fallen in with a sanctimonious crowd who think going to state school makes them better humans. My guess is they went to grammar school which technically is state but is a million miles from your bog standard comprehensive.

@Flamingojune career is really not my main focus. I want my children to come out of school with their physical and mental health intact. Local state options don’t support this. A child who gets broken by school ( and that is a substantial percentage) has no chance of a successful life.

Very worth it. We’ve had a wonderful experience, and have two sporty, confident, polite, well rounded, interesting children who can hold their own talking to anyone. The utter self belief is admirable. Their general knowledge is incredible. They’ve mixed with people all over the world, their emotional intelligence is high because they’ve had small class sizes all their lives, their cultural intelligence is high because they’ve met and mixed with so many inspirational people, and they’ve had opportunities way beyond what a state school can provide.

So yes, worth every penny for me.

With respect, I haven’t once said that I think we’re not privileged. I’ve acknowledged multiple times that we have high salaries and that’s the only reason it’s doable for us.
My point was about the ‘normal working families’ think. We get up, we get our kids breakfasts, we get ready for work, I drop my disabled child at his SEN school miles away, my kids get the bus to school, my husband and I work all day, we come home, pick the kids up, make dinner, do housework, help with homework, care for our disabled kid, often do more work when they’re in bed, spend weekends ferrying to hobbies, caring for my disabled mother, we meal plan, shop in Aldi etc. We don’t have family money, we won’t get inheritances. Does having a high income mean that we are no longer a ‘normal, working family’?

I work in private. I genuinely think my dd would’ve thrived better in private than the state school she went to. Yes, it’s an outstanding state, but I think dd would’ve benefited from the smaller class sizes and having a more focused approach on her education.
We looked at another school ( not mine as it is a boy’s school) and we were keen to progress, but after lockdown it closed. There’s none in the area (senior school) that was girls or even co ed.

Well, yes. High income isn’t the norm.

Yes.
Also there is this assumption that there is somehow choice to find another secondary if the one your dc goes to isn’t safe or good enough.
Thats not always the case..

Where we live, most schools are oversubscribed. Apart the one my dcs were going to, walking distance so the ‘natural’ choice for them.
I looked. The only ‘choice’ was to wait until A levels for them to then go to the town next door (25mins drive).

I think the culture inside the school is important.
dc1 learnt aThis state school that working and learning was BAAAD. The thing that would make you being bullied. Laughed at. Any as
iratiin to go to a good uni rather than the local one was a reason to be mocked. There is this whole above your station stuff,
It took him years to unlearn that and it’s only arriving at Uni that he switched his thinking. Consequence could have been dire tbh,

I know it’s not, I’ve acknowledged that multiple times. We’re still a normal family, and we still work.

Private school wouldn't have been worth it for us - my DC have thrived academically and socially at state school.

Twenty years on and we know it was a total waste of money for us. A crystal ball would have been very useful.

A lot of them aren’t retired. I’m in my 40’s. My kids have 4 grandparents between 70-85. All still drawing an income from their own businesses. Haven’t touched their pensions. The ones in their 70’s still work 30-40 hours a week through choice. The 85 year old is down to 2 hours a day.

Worth every penny for my children so far. One to one specialist support for issues. The schools have found their “thing” nurtured and encouraged it which has developed their confidence immeasurably

We did state until the end of yr5 in an “outstanding” primary by which point we had an overwhelmed, withdrawn, borderline school refuser. 12 months later we have a happy, thriving child that loves school and can’t wait to tackle secondary.
Part of me begrudges every penny because the environment and education are the same as I received from the state 30 years ago but I have enough friends who are teachers in the state system (and desperately trying to leave!) to know that it’s rarer than hen’s teeth in the state sector these days. Our local secondaries are failing, grammar options are a 90 minute bus ride (minimum). We really feel like we had no other choice apart from DH quitting his job to homeschool, we know 3 families of SEN children where one parent has done that because it’s cheaper than private schooling.

When people say things like state school is on its knees / schooling is inadequate, what are your expectations? I personally think state school teaching is pretty good. Not perfect but not awful either.

The people I hear that from the most are state school teachers TBH.

Is that because of the high level of neurodiversity in private schools? From the replies to this post it appears that a lot of kids are in private schools because they struggle to cope in state schools. I suppose it’s possible (in some cases at least) that once they leave that small nurturing environment they effectively return to baseline, but with the confidence the small classes/great facilities, etc. has helped them to develop?

Yeah I have zero concerns that my kids need to earn a particular salary or achieve certain grades for it to be ‘worth’ it. It might well be that they struggle more as young adults. But they’ve had a happy experience of school and tried things and not been miserable for years of their young lives.

as for the whole high income vs working people debate, this wasn’t the question was it, it was whether pp thought they’d spent their money well.

I work in HE and I don’t think it’s down to neurodivergence, no. It’s because those kids who do well enough to get in to the course I teach from mediocre state schools really are bright and self motivated. Private school pupils may have been spoon fed and given a lot of individual support that simply isn’t available at university. Thats why we make contextual offers and someone from a private school would need AAA but someone from a less than great state school would be offered ABB.
To be fair, it’s not true in every case at all. Lots of privately educated kids are seriously bright and do exceptionally well at university.

100% worth it. I feel like my son came out of school a really well rounded young person, equipped to deal with being at university. DH and I both went to state school and we turned out fine but the local state high schools were diabolical and we felt like even though he comes from a good home, he could easily be caught up with the wrong crowd. The amount of homework at DS school was excessive at times and the sporting commitments were a lot but it instilled a good work ethic in DS, and to be honest, he was so busy he didn’t have time to get into trouble.
I loved that the small class sizes meant teachers knew my son very well. We really liked that his Reception teacher came to the leavers BBQ and I think she was genuinely proud of all the strapping lads around her that she had taught as tiny little boys. It was hard financially, but completely worth it to see DS so happy and well adjusted.

Absolutely worth it. You're not paying for the education, you're paying for the right type of friends and general ethos of learning and doing well as a respected (peer-wise) ambition.
Private schools often have the advantage of being further away which means your kid doesn't know people in the area so they're not looking to be out every evening hanging around with their mates.
It's only 5-10k a year in Ireland, so a much easier decision.

It has definitely been worth it for our children for the smaller class sizes, extracurricular opportunities and great pastoral care.

Absolutely not worth it. It's a total con in my view.

My daughter has been in private education since reception (now in Y11 doing her GCSEs). You can get the exact same, if not better, education for free, but it's hard to get out once you're sucked in because you don't want to disrupt their education. I should have taken her out in Y9 the latest.

There’s going to be a selection bias in private schools towards the less able pupils and those with additional needs.

It’ll be offset to some extent by the fact that high intelligence leads both to higher salaries (as a cohort) and higher intelligence children.

Why on Earth would being able to play out with their friends be a negative?