If you send your child to private school…

[Quej]

Do you genuinely think it’s worth it or do you regret it… and why?

I absolutely agree that all children should have the same opportunities. The state system should be able to provide for every child’s needs and offer a large range of academic subjects and extra curricular activities, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t look to be improving any time soon either, as the current government has already cut funding for things like music, art, classics and STEM.

Huh?

I don’t have a household income of £135k? 😂

Many apologies, that was a different poster.
But my point stands. At what point do you become ‘not a normal working person’? Is it simply when your salary exceeds the national average? It’s a genuine question, I’m not trying to be an arse.
Through a combination of luck and hard work (and deliberately choosing industries that pay well!), we both have high salaries. We work, like everyone else. Often 60 hours a week in the case of DH.

She might be confusing you with me! I know our salary is well above average.

I decided it wasn’t worth the extortionate cost of the fees these days for the advantages it gives. I’m putting the money away in a stocks and shares ISA for my child instead as I think having a big lump sum for uni costs, house deposit etc will be of more benefit in the long term.

I’d say you know when you cross that line.

When things like the food shop aren’t heavily budgeted things anymore. When you can afford private school like it’s not really a big deal.

It is a big deal for us. As I said, we still live in our ‘starter home’ and don’t have annual holidays. Food shops are heavily budgeted. Obviously if we didn’t sent them to private school we could afford a much bigger house and luxurious holidays!

I think £5k a year is much easier to maintain compared to £30-40k a year though

I couldn’t agree more.

I think some people have a choice of state schools, or a good (or even reasonable) one nearly and assume it’s the same for everyone. Thats not the case.

Private secondary was worth every penny for us, even though it cost more than all our other bills combined.

I have one child at private school.

For us it has so far been worth it. My daughter is thriving, being pushed to the right level academically and supported. She has good friends and is happy. She’s a geek and socially awkward and would have really struggled in a large, mixed sex comprehensive.

But it’s bloody expensive and I have had to make a lot of sacrifices to do it. Its been (and continues to be) a burden for me. I am well paid but I hate my job and have no wiggle room, never go on foreign holidays etc. so I feel quite trapped.

I don’t regret because it’s working for my daughter it but it’s hard to answer the question “is it worth it?” Because I don’t know what the counterfactual is. Would she have been OK in another school? Its impossible to know.

As PPs have said, the question as to whether private school is worth it is too complicated to answer in general terms. It depends on the child and the school.

i guess it depends on whether you feel school is all about future employment

Ours went to a private nursery, which was a feeder to a small private school, it cost no more than a normal nursery. It just seemed natural to let them go on to the school with their friends when they were old enough, it wasn't a hugely expensive school and was non selective. It was practically accidental that they went there but they stayed there to GCSE and then went to state for A levels.

"Good" and "safe" are doing a lot of work in that sentence. What do those words mean? I think the schools my children go to (state primary and state comprehensive) are "good" and "safe". I think that is also true of most of the similar schools in the surrounding area. 95% of the parents in the catchment areas of both schools, who earn at a similar level to me, either don't think that, or (I suspect more likely) don't consider "good" and "safe" to be sufficient.

To add: absolutely no issue with people sending their kids to private school. But I don't think most of them are doing it because there is no "good, safe" state option.

That must be quite an unusual (and wealthy) area if 95% of families privately educate? It’s around 3% in the large village I live in! It’s not an affluent area, hence our very low mortgage.

Agreed, but I think most of those sending their child there after trying primary or secondary for a few years are going to avoid violence and disruption.

Probably my punctuation at fault there in trying to be brief! I meant that of the people in the catchment area who earn at a similar level to me, a very high % of them choose to educate their kids privately. That is an estimate obviously! There are very many more people in the catchment area who cannot afford private education.

Yup we hit that exactly. Prep school was never part of our plan.

We sent our kids to private school. My son didn’t get into the FOUR closest state schools and was offered a place across the borough that was inadequate (I think they have a different classification for that now). We could afford private so we chose that instead, and it seemed natural for my second to go there too. It was quite alternative (they didn’t have any computers and there was no board of governors). Then we moved and the state school options were dire so back to a non selective private school. Was it worth it? I think my son might have been a juvenile delinquent if the private school hadn’t kept him to a certain standard! But he was not academic and came out with barely any GCSEs after being predicted 5 and 6s. I am furious about that. Still I think he benefited in many ways. My DD is very academic and the provision during Covid was excellent. They had the same schedule just done remotely (my son had left by then).
However. Both my children (now 22 and 21) think I should have sent them to state. My son because he didn’t think that private school helped him (I disagree), my DD because she is almost embarrassed to admit she went private. None of her friends did, and even though she’s at Durham Uni, which has a relatively high percentage of privately educated students, she says it’s frowned upon. This attitude annoys me as they most certainly did benefit and it rather disregards the sacrifices I made to afford it. My DD seems to conveniently forget that we looked at a state school for sixth form which she rejected.
My kids had left before the VAT ruling - I could not afford it now.
I went to state school and if there was a good one that my kids got into that’s where they would have gone. We were fortunate that we had the funds for private when a state school place was not an option.

We sent our eldest to the preschool attached to a well regarded local prep, with the intention of sending all three children there for their entire primary education.

Instead, we moved to state school for reception. I couldn’t get past the competitive parenting and flashiness of many parents. I know that doesn’t make them bad people, but I felt that it was exposing the children to an odd bubble of privilege and pressure, and a values system that felt at odds with ours.

We are very pleased we made the move to state, even though the school is pretty average! Our children are thriving.

I recognise that all schools are different and I’m not suggesting that all prep schools are equal! I also acknowledge our privilege in having the option to move back to the private sector if we had real difficulties in the state system.

I don’t regret it but I do think it depends on the child and their individual needs. If I could have saved/invested all that money (since reception all the way to year 13) I could be thinking of early retirement!!

But I invested in my DS and he’s worth every penny.

Or luck of the draw

Absolutely worth every penny.
Oldest is neurodivergent, we tried State Primary. They promptly forgot my non-swimming 4 year old in the swimming pool building…..apparently that wasn’t an issue, I disagree.
Private ever since, nd he’s flying. No way he would be able to cope with massive classes, and our local secondary with a massive behaviour problem ( and outcomes well below national average).
Youngest is a ballet dancer - much better off at private. We had to stop several hobbies outside school because bullying was intense - the worst bullies are the kids for our two local primaries….
it means very few holidays, bike instead of car, and a tiny house. Its worth it - i want children to enjoy learning, not to endure school.

But those are all luxuries. You’re not going without anything essential to pay for it.

I just wish people would recognise that being able to pay for private education is a luxury that so many people could only dream of.

I guess you'll really find out by how their careers go