If you send your child to private school…

[Quej]

Do you genuinely think it’s worth it or do you regret it… and why?

Yes it’s worth it because she was so unhappy almost ill in state school. She needed somewhere small with very little bad behaviour. Her outstanding state school was frankly dangerous- kids shouting swearing fighting. Teachers crying. Awful.

I should say fees would be slightly higher at ours but they are both on academic scholarships, with a fee reduction.

Certainly not why we do it either. Their private school is so much safer as they can kick dangerous pupils out. The academic side is good too as you are a customer so they try their hardest to meet the subjects your child wants to study, and the lack of behavioural issues makes study time far, far more productive. But the teachers in state are just as good.

I had a son and daughter that both went to a private secondary school. They had been very happy in their lovely village state primary.

The village state secondary was not bad, but I wanted them to have the sort of 'grammar school' experience that I had had, for free. Lovely environment, single sex, there to work but plenty of opportunity for fun.

It was a financial sacrifice - was it worth it?

My son didn't much like it - he stayed until he was 16 when he went to a state sixth form college with all his village friends. We were lucky, this state 6th form was one of the best in the country.

My daughter loved her time there and stayed until A levels.

I don't regret sending them at all. I think my daughter would love to send her children, but won't be able to afford it. My son? He'll probably find a decent state school somewhere.

Normal working people can still earn a lot of money.

We have three children all at private from reception.

I wouldn’t say it’s “worth it” in the same way a £2,500 handbag isn’t “worth it”. But people buy those (not me!!) because they can afford it and they want one.

for us we much prefer the sports, the music, the facilities, the class size, the discipline and the community over that which is offered at our local state school. Other state schools may differ.

so in the same way those people choose to buy the handbag that’s not worth it even though they could do better things with their money, we choose to pay for the school of our choice.

we don’t regret it and are very happy customers.

I think it massively depends on the school and the child. SIL had both her children in private school - DNephew only just passed 2 GCSEs, which was a bit of a wakeup call, he went to a state college, did well in retakes and is very happy there. They moved DNiece to state secondary, it turns out she has some overlooked SpLDs and is now thriving there with the proper support. If you have really investigated the school and determined it is the best place for your child, I imagine it is worth the cost, if you just assume private must be better than state, it may not be.

We can afford it as we’re mortgage free and on good salaries. We decided to spend on school than move to a much more expensive house in a better catchment area. Whether it’s worth it time will tell but my dc is getting a dyslexia investigation instead of me just being told they can’t read like I was when they were at state school so that is good. It isn’t 5k a month where I am either and we’re hoping to be able to help with uni and house deposits as well, though not a quarter of a mil for a terrace in Croydon 😁

Don't forget the uniform, trips etc.

I do really feel that the lack of behaviour control in state is criminal these days. These are children’s lives. They shouldn’t have to go to school fearing witnessing or being a victim of physical attacks. Not everyone can afford to bail out to state with their anxious / ND child and these children deserve to learn in peace and safety too.

But (and to repeat my point above) there are some normal working people whose jobs pay a lot of money.

Agreed. I don’t know what is meant by ‘normal working people’ in this context.
Neither my husband nor I went to private school. Neither of us come from wealthy families. We both went to university, and both got a place on a good grad scheme. We’ve both worked since, and both earn very good salaries. Neither of us earn over £100k. Does that make us not ‘normal working people’?

My son started a £20k a year school in Y7. Yes it's worth it but we can only afford it as e have 1 kid. Also planning on him being there for 5years and finding somewhere else for A levels.

We considered it at primary level, but there are so many good primaries it wasn't worth it. I teach part time in a private school that is reception to y13, and I don't think it's worth the money in the junior school

Absolutely 💯 worth it. My kids are in private and I’m a teacher in a state school. State education is on its knees

Normal working people don’t make enough that they have an entire salary going spare every year.

State education is on its knees

that's what's so sad...all schools should be able to offer the basic extra-curricular stuff that private schools have as standard, like music lessons and art classes. Our two local state options offered neither of these, and one of them had behaviour issues so bad it's in their Ofsted report.

My eldest got a scholarship (and an associated bursary) to an extremely expensive private school. My middle child starts there next term also. It’s so so worth it. It’s respectful, engaging, small classes, they’re always outside. Half the time the kids don’t realise they’re in a lesson because the teachers take them into the natural environment to learn geography, or to local sites to learn history. Our local high schools are really bad and definitely not right for our ND child. We are definitely the poor family (and we earn 6 figures between us so very far from poor) but it has never been ackowledged by kids or parents.

I did after the dcs started secondary school in a state school.
Best choice I could have made

It has nothing to do with opportunities after school, networking agd what not. The school they went to isn’t that kind is school. It’s closer to a grammar school in an area where there is grammar school.

But it meant dc1 wasn’t bullied anymore for being ‘a nerd’
dc2 got a support he would never have had. Starting from the fact he was seen and noticed despite being the quiet child who never talked, created problem etc…. (The school rang me within a week Wonderimg if he was ok because he was so quiet….)
Plus opportunities in doing lots of activities, in particular lots of stuff that pushed them to be independent, take decisions etc…. which has been particularly important for dc2.

We did private secondary (boarding) from y7. DD passed for the local grammar but it was a large school and the private school offered different opportunities. She didn’t really have any school friends going to the grammar so we thought a new start would be better. Fees were £30,000 plus when she left after A levels in 2010.

DD enjoyed drama, music and lots of other clubs and activities. Not a huge fan of sports but the drama was fantastic. Not all teachers were brilliant but some were. And had fun though and is still very close to her school friends.

DD2 went to a prep in y4 then boarded. The fees for 6th form ended up at £33,000 in 2013. She loved art and the school she went to was superb for that. Both my DDs are now self employed. One is a barrister and one an interior designer. They think it was worth it and both would like any dc in private education. DH was self employed and ran a SME in engineering consultancy. So very much working, employing lots of people and paying lots of tax. No help with fees from anyone else and we didn’t go without anything.

What about my scenario below makes us ‘not normal working people’? Genuinely interested. We both work full time, have done since leaving uni (bar my mat leaves). DH earns approx £90k, I earn approx £80k. We both chose to work in high paying industries, but I don’t see how that makes us not ‘normal working people’?

Worth every penny for us. Our children have loved their schools and they’ve been given opportunities they would never have got at our state options (academically, sporting, and musical). In addition, rightly or wrongly, there tends to be less disruption in private schools because private schools have a greater ability to ask pupils to leave.

Yes, we could have given them the money for a house deposit etc instead, but an excellent education is worth more than that in my view. There’s a saying “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime”. Hopefully an excellent education has provided a great foundation for them leading a fulfilling life.

I will caveat this by saying that not every private school is worth the money in my opinion. There are definitely some where I would choose the state option instead. It’s probably only worth the cost if you can find a school which suits your child. We researched schools a lot to make sure that our choices were the right ones.

A combined household income of £170k when the average UK salary is £35k?

Come on.

My DCs went to private school because my parents funded it.
It was the case for a lot of people in their school.

Youre right that, for most people, it’s not possible to pay those fees.
Our area isn’t wealthy so for a lot of people, it worked only by gettimg support or parents really making huge sacrifices to make it work

I know we have high salaries, I acknowledged that. Obviously people on the average salary can’t afford private school. But we work, like everyone else. We went to uni, we got on a grad scheme and we worked our way up. We don’t have any family wealth, we don’t live in a big house, we don’t have exotic holidays.
So can ‘normal working people’ only be defined as people who earn the average wage? Because that rules you out, too, with your £135k annual household income.

What age??

that’s crazy.

very rural Scotland here. Issues more with budget cuts and councils. But on the ground the small rural schools are incredible.

my worry is “high school”. Age 12 here.

But primary on a rural basis sits alongside private at this age.