If you send your child to private school…

[Quej]

Do you genuinely think it’s worth it or do you regret it… and why?

Yes for our child. They are very academic and love sports. At a very selective school with lots of sports opportunities and loving it, no longer bored especially in maths. Offered a grammar place but much more rounded focus in the school they chose and are at, and would have been single sex which we were not keen on.

Completely depends on the child and the school options though. Whether state or private either could be the best option in different circumstances. We visited and applied to equal numbers of both.

Bright, academic kids also thrive at state school

And yet they do! Areas of social deprivation still have hospitals, law firms, universities, big industries requiring highly specialised skills etc - they employ people and pay them a salary that goes a long way in areas where housing/living costs tend to be low. Meanwhile, the local state schools here sit at the bottom of league tables for GCSE results.

We could all up and leave so the area doesn't have educated professionals manning important local services/industries. But, instead, some move further out to the nicer countryside, where they pay more for housing and get better state schools but have a lengthy commute. Others of us choose to live closer to where we work and pay for private education.

In a perfect world, the local state schools would improve (and to be fair the local state primaries are very good, it is 11+ where the problems arise). I hoped that would be the case by the time my DS got to 11. But, by that time, there had been no obvious improvement in the local state provision. They had become more limited in their resources and opportunities available, with even bigger class sizes. The private school was the only school in the area offering the options that I had been fortunate to have in a state school in another area of the country. So, it wasn't state vs private - it was which school offers what we want for our child. We're lucky enough to be able to make that choice because we earn the money to pay for it.

That is probably the biggest misconception.
Yes, many kids thrive at state schools, but it has nothing to do with being bright.
Kids who fit the mould often thrive at state school. Kids who are even a little bit different- good luck.
For my clever (predicted gcse 7/8 across the board) but anxious ASD son, it was a diseaster. He can’t deal with the chaotic and loud environment and huge classes (35+ kids). He needs a disciplined and calm environment.
For my gifted youngest - similar (yes, we have the paperwork, he is profoundly gifted). He was bored to tears, and then became the class clown. He needs stretching way beyond “more of the same”. And that’s before we are talking about the incessant bullying over “non-masculine “ hobbies……

There are some thugs in our local state school; knives being brought in, teachers insulted and menaced, students bullied and menaced. But one shouldn't talk about that because it's classicism? Keep burying your head under the sand but it's your child that suffers (perhaps in silence) because of your pc opinions. If you're not lucky to live next to an exeptional state school but then surely you must realise that it doesn't look the same all over the country.

Our home postcode counts for contextual offers for state school students from many different universities…. so yes, I do live in one of these places.

The research actually shows that the kids who thrive at state schools are the same as those who thrive at private schools - children with stable home lives and parents who offer a rich, loving, stimulating and supportive environment. That by far outstrips any difference of attainment that paying or not for school offers.

For our children British State schools were shocking and both we tried were ‘outstanding’z. I’m not sure people that haven’t seen other systems truly get how terrible the provision really is. The UK has serious issues it needs to face. We are now just above the GDP per person of America’s poorest state, Mississippi. There are very few jobs for graduates and when they do find them the salaries are shockingly low compared to other western countries. If our kids didn’t hold multiple passports I’m not sure I would have invested in private school. I’d probably have put the money into investment funds for them. I don’t think any of our children will stay in the UK to start their careers. Accessing mediocre healthcare is now increasingly difficult. The NHS spends more in settling maternity lawsuits than it does on actual maternity care. It’s all fairly damning. It’s not a place for the young to start out.

I have always found this hard to believe.

You wouldn’t expect an adult to work in a *challenging/toxic environment and expect them to be successful, maximise their potential and have a wonderful experience just because they have a stable marriage and comfortable home. I say this irrespective of whether it is a private or state school,

(*obviously not referring to those that do work in these environments by the nature of their jobs!).

We did. Only child but still a financial stretch. The school introduced the child to the instrument he’s now starting out making a career on. So that’s the biggest pro! Was pretty pivotal.

I have one DC at State. In hindsight his state primary wasn't great but he is getting on so well at secondary. I'm sure he'd have more opportunities at private school but really couldn't be happier with what he does have on offer, with the exception of sport which I would say is fairly weak.

I have another DC at a very small non selective non academic private, the small classes and additional support they are able to give children is great and they have a totally different way of learning. But the facilities are not great and again sport is fairly weak.

If I had a child who naturally excelled at sport, drama, music or academics I'd be tempted to send them to a private specializing in their area of interest.

This is kind of right (researcher here). Nothing is as strong as parental involvement and a stable home life are massive influences. The best school in the world will struggle if these two aren’t provided. And both state and private schools have kids who lack one or both.
However, among children with both things get interesting. And “thrive” can be measured in a million different ways as well (academically? Emotionally? …)
So yes, there are children who thrive in state (hugely dependent on school and child), and some who can only thrive in private (again, school and child dependent). However, most studies do not go into enough details to measure the differences.
Same for example for class sizes. Quite often, small class sizes are only present for disruptive or challenging groups - so if you correlate this to results, you might even see that class sizes correlates negative to achievement. Correlation and causation are two very different things, and in reality there are few studies who go into enough details….

I’m also a researcher. I think your gloss of the literature is a bit biased - all educational attainment is ‘hugely dependent on child and school’, whether state or private. If you had a state school with the same intake demographic and level of parental buy in that an elite private school has, there’s no evidence the children’s attainment would massively differ in most cases. I don’t really believe in the idea of a good or bad school (though individual schools can have bad practices, policies, conditions etc.) The concept of ‘the best school in the world’ isn’t really helpful, because how do you really establish that? As you say, it’s dependent on child - but also on the wider culture and ideology that they exist within. You will also find that certain types of schools often considered ‘good’ by middle class parents have the kinds of rules and discipline that effectively bar access to children with neurological differences or with high ACE scores etc.

@Soontobesingles i actually think we agree…. especially as the parent of two neurodivergent children who would have no chance in the often praised “excellent “ state schools (none of them around us), but thrive both academically and socially in private.
It is about the fit of school to child - however tbe financial situation of many state schools makes any sort of fit very difficult

It's not just about achieving, it's about enjoying how you get there.Not many people on this thread have spoken about achievements.

Its a huge misconception to think that only kids 'who fit the mould' thrive at state school including the 'profoundly gifted. Not my experience at all.

Good for you! it was the case for us, for the schools around us. Glad your schools fit your children!

This is yet another of those threads where posters come along to tell others that their own lived experience is wrong.

The 'Is it worth it?' question is so context-specific. I have two DC who have been in prep from Y4 then public school from Y7. It's so much more costly than it should need to be and has been financially pretty tough for us. We started down this road because as a military family, we wanted to avoid the disruption of endless moves of school. Continuity of Education Allowance made it pretty manageable despite using top of the line schools- both DC had academic scholarships, there were fee reductions for military families and means-tested bursaries. So during those years it felt very much worth it. DH left the Army when DC were 13 and we have been self-funding since then. We have been just able to manage with savings, my change of job from public to private practice, and scholarship/bursary. Would it have been worth it if we hadn't had the continuity issue? Or if we'd had to sell our house? Or if there had been excellent state options nearby? Probably not. Was it worth it for us given earning ability, local state alternatives etc? Yes. The pressure comes when it feels unfair or unkind to switch midstream- once you embark on this course you need to be able to finish what you started.
Fwiw I don't regret the choice- DC are wonderful young adults now with incredible friendships, a great rounded education and a love for the boarding school they are about to leave for Oxford (grades permitting).

If it was 5k a year I would do it without question. Our three nearest average about 7,500 a term, so nearer 20k a year.

If private schools were charging 5 grand a year, there would be a massive massive uptake.

It has been worth it for DS1 - he is dyslexic and then subsequently diagnosed with ADHD in yr10 (school spotted it). The smaller classes and support have suited him. I don’t doubt he would have got worse GCSEs in a state school.

However DS2 (not neurodivergent) has thrived at state school and did not want to go to private school. We are lucky we have a good one locally.

It depends on lots of factors as to whether it’s with it…

100% this. People seem to think private school is just about grades. That couldn’t be further from the truth for us.

Not sure now, but it’s in the bottom 20% in Scotland, lots of bullying, school refusers and complaints.

It’s a very personal decision. Whilst I don’t regret it per se, the fees have gone up dramatically since we started. Had we been given a 7 year fee plan, with all the rises marked up, maybe we wouldn’t have signed up. Do I think the school is excellent, yes I do or I’d remove my child. Once you’ve been private, some state settings feel underwhelming. OP have you mentioned which schools you are considering?