A man unlocked a changing room door whilst I was inside. Health club

[GymClassZero]

I went to my gym and used the disabled changing and shower room (it also has a toilet). I have mobility issues and need the aids provided here. The room is between the male and female changing rooms and can be accessed from both sides, so both doors need to be locked from inside.

I locked both doors and was getting ready to shower. While I was inside, I heard men talking on the other side of the door. One tried the handle, it was locked. He said to his friend he wanted to use the room. Another man said ‘there might already be someone in there because the door is locked’. The first man then said words to the effect of, ‘Nah, fuck the women, it’s been left locked. I’m going in there’.

Seconds later, I watched the lock unwind as it was being manipulated from the outside. He opened the door while I was inside in my swimwear. He was surprised to see me in there. I shouted at him to get out, got dressed and reported it immediately.

The gym has investigated. They’ve accepted the member accessed the disabled changing room inappropriately but they are not banning him. They say he has been spoken to and warned not to use that facility again.

They’ve also said they are replacing the locks to something more up to date than the current basic lock, and reviewing the signage on the doors.

I’m glad they’re changing the locks, but I’m angry that this is being partly framed around confusion, signage and lock issues

He was warned someone might be inside. The door was locked.

He could have knocked and waited. Instead, he chose to interfere with a locked private changing room door and enter.

I’m left feeling pretty upset and a bit traumatised by the whole incident. I really don’t want to bump into him again in the gym As he’s quite intimidating. I’ve seen him in the gym, he’s quite loud and has a certain vibe about him.

I also found out there have been previous issues with this changing room setup, which makes me even more concerned.

AIBU to expect stronger action from the gym, and to feel that a warning is not enough in these circumstances?

ideally I’d like to see him banned as it was an accident.

(The gym have confirmed he is not disabled and should not be using the disabled facilities).

Why would they do that? She is making a complaint about what happened. They should not disclose personal information like that, nor should they have disclosed that the Man had no disability either. The whole set up sounds poor.

Why didn't you shout out? I'm in here.

Yeah, but everybody has to assess levels of seriousness. I'd have shouted out I'm in here and then told the bloke to fuck off.

No, it isn’t.
And as I said, your ‘opinion’ is irrelevant.

Literally read the definition of common assault and you'll see your wrong.

I don’t need to read it.
I already know it.
But if you read something on the internet, I guess you must be some sort of authority.
(spoiler you’re not).

Chill out Mandy. By all means good luck getting the next person who accidentally opens a door on you, is surprised at finding you and leaves charged for common assault. Remember, it does need to be reasonable that you would have believed they intended to harm you.

It's not common assault. Dont be ridiculous.
might be public order section 5 .. maybe

A man who you have seen pacing and swearing who you have heard talking aggressively about women?

He didn’t ’accidentally open a door’ though. He deliberately unlocked it using the method created for emergencies. Not because he needed to use it. Not because he had a right to use it. Because he was angry and entitled.

Im sure the op could pick out any bits that don't fit - if she wished to use the letter - obviously they may not want to. Just the same as boom is incorrect in your post, we don't get every detail exactly correct but are able to work round with that information

opening up a locked changing room is evidence enough he was prepared to find someone naked on the other side - that is usually what is to be found in changing cubicles

I think I'm Ms Average for handling confrontations and awkward situations, and I don't have any relevant disabilities.

If someone simply knocked on a cubicle door I'd merrily call out that I was there. But I'm really not sure how I'd respond in the heat of the moment if I was getting changed and the following situation was occurring outside.

One tried the handle, it was locked. He said to his friend he wanted to use the room. Another man said ‘there might already be someone in there because the door is locked’.

That's a conversation between two other people in the room next door, and it is British social convention that you don't acknowledge conversations between other people in public spaces. Even when they're shouting loudly, you're supposed to pretend you can't hear! So if you speak up then, it's like admitting you were eavesdropping, even though it literally isn't eavesdropping.

The first man then said words to the effect of, ‘Nah, fuck the women, it’s been left locked. I’m going in there’.

At this point, I don't know whether I would freeze entirely, or grab a towel to cover myself or yell. The aggression would make a difference to how I reacted, but I still don't know how I would react in thst split second. I hope I don't have to find out.

The guy did not knock and he did not politely address any potential occupant directly. Instead he assumed a female gym user had forgotten to unlock the door and unnecessarily (and aggressively) swore at this imaginary gym user, and he then took it upon himself to deliberately open a locked door instead of asking a staff member to handle the situation.

There are so many things he could have done to avoid opening the door on OP, and the blame is on him, not on OP for not calling out fast enough.

Yup

It's relevant here that the OP is at the gym to access physio and rehab after a brain injury. The brain injury has caused physical mobility issues, and given her a speech delay.

When people are physically vulnerable, they are often instinctively more reluctant to risk confrontations because they cannot win. This is especially the case for people with acquired disability.

Perhaps he could have knocked?
Like a normal human being would before assuming the room must be empty despite the locked door.
He sounds like an entitled thoughtless arse to me.

Most normal people would shout "There's someone in here" as soon as they heard someone trying the handle. But then we are on Mumsnet where 'normal' people don't seem to exist these days! You created the drama by not speaking up!
I also call 🐃💩 on his "fuck the women" comment. Disabled loos/showers/toilets are all unisex. He wouldn't have known who was in there. Unless of course he was lurking about when you went in, which in your mind, he probably was! 🙄

Most normal people wouldn’t;
Pace up and down swearing in a public place
Throw a massive tantrum because they can’t access a room they do not actually need and have no right to access.
Unlock a locked door, having been warned there might be someone (likely a woman with a disability) in a state of undress in there using the emergency mechanism in place for … well … emergencies.

The OP has (unnecessarily due to the victiming blaming on here) already explained that;

1. he was angrily swearing (staying quiet is a normal response in that situation so as not to further enrage)
2. she assumed (as most ‘normal’ people would) that a member of the public wouldn’t use the emergency mechanism to unlock the door (especially without warning first)
3. the unlocking bit happened within seconds.
4. she has a brain injury leaving her with slowed ability to process/verbalise.

Additionally, it has been pointed out that in the vacinity of a large, muscle bound man who was ‘activated’ ‘swearing’ ‘pacing’ and taking angrily about ‘the women’ - a fight/flight/freeze response would be very natural for most ‘normal’ people. That would be highly likely to leave the frontal cortex ‘off line’ and make verbalisation even harder.

HE is the only person who didn’t respond like a ‘normal’ person.

And on that note: I would expect a ‘normal’ person, upon reading a post like the OPs, to keep any doubts about the veracity of the story to themselves, and err on the side of providing a supportive environment (or just scrolling past), so that women feel they can call out men on their aggressive and intimidating behaviour without fear of being blamed, doubted and called abnormal for their response in a stressful and distressing situation.

@HangingInJustAbout
There was no need to make it all very complicated, it could have been solved just by simply shouting "It's occupied". And usually those spaces have a pull cord for emergencies, if the op felt there was such a problem or threat, then she could have summoned help. 🤷‍♀️

I am not sure it's helpful to dramatise and make up a whole story just to fit your narrative?

The OP said he looked surprised, not that he swore or was threatening at her. Yes it was an absolute dick move, but he saw her and left. A bit of a non-story compared to your version?

It's a unisex accessible Jack and Jill room with a door that opens on to the men's area and onto the women's area. OP had locked both doors, because it was in use.

From his point of view, he only knew that the men's door on his side was locked. Instead of realising the room was in use, he concluded that it was empty and the previous occupant had exited out of one door, without unlocking the other door first. As the men's door that was locked, he concluded that the fictitious careless gym user had exited through the women's side, and therefore had been a woman.

But beyond all this, I take grave exception to your sentence: Most normal people would shout. It is an accessible changing room for people with disabilities. If there's ever a time to drop your expectations about what people can do, it's there.

Could you open yourself up to the idea that the manifestations of possible disabilities are manifold, and that some of them would mean the person doesn't shout "like a normal person"? In the OP's case, she has already explained that she goes to the gym for rehab after a brain injury, which has caused delayed speech.

Other issues someone could have include, but are not limited to: hearing impairment so didn't hear any of the men's conversation (by the way NHS hearing aids are not waterproof and you certainly do not wear them in the shower or the pool), being non-verbal, having slurred speech that wouldn't have been audible outside that room if they tried to shout, slow processing that would mean they couldn't shout in time. These are just the issues I know of. There will be many more. The important point is that people with disabilities should be treated with respect instead of being told what "normal people" can do.

Hear hear. It was a despicable post.

Read ALL of the OPs posts and come back to me.

Read everything properly and come back to me.

I followed that, I was telling PP her own story says he didn't intend their to be anyone inside

I have.

She said he looked surprised and left. That's the only direct interaction she said she had with him. HTH