A man unlocked a changing room door whilst I was inside. Health club

[GymClassZero]

I went to my gym and used the disabled changing and shower room (it also has a toilet). I have mobility issues and need the aids provided here. The room is between the male and female changing rooms and can be accessed from both sides, so both doors need to be locked from inside.

I locked both doors and was getting ready to shower. While I was inside, I heard men talking on the other side of the door. One tried the handle, it was locked. He said to his friend he wanted to use the room. Another man said ‘there might already be someone in there because the door is locked’. The first man then said words to the effect of, ‘Nah, fuck the women, it’s been left locked. I’m going in there’.

Seconds later, I watched the lock unwind as it was being manipulated from the outside. He opened the door while I was inside in my swimwear. He was surprised to see me in there. I shouted at him to get out, got dressed and reported it immediately.

The gym has investigated. They’ve accepted the member accessed the disabled changing room inappropriately but they are not banning him. They say he has been spoken to and warned not to use that facility again.

They’ve also said they are replacing the locks to something more up to date than the current basic lock, and reviewing the signage on the doors.

I’m glad they’re changing the locks, but I’m angry that this is being partly framed around confusion, signage and lock issues

He was warned someone might be inside. The door was locked.

He could have knocked and waited. Instead, he chose to interfere with a locked private changing room door and enter.

I’m left feeling pretty upset and a bit traumatised by the whole incident. I really don’t want to bump into him again in the gym As he’s quite intimidating. I’ve seen him in the gym, he’s quite loud and has a certain vibe about him.

I also found out there have been previous issues with this changing room setup, which makes me even more concerned.

AIBU to expect stronger action from the gym, and to feel that a warning is not enough in these circumstances?

ideally I’d like to see him banned as it was an accident.

(The gym have confirmed he is not disabled and should not be using the disabled facilities).

The language is being mangled.
Physiological harm? From a mistaken walk in? 'Slightly' traumatized?

No. There was no harm done. Feelings were briefly upset. That's not harm. It's not trauma. It's a normal, minor incident of the sort I'm sure everyone on here has encountered more than once, that briefly affects us, that we can use to inform our future choices and behaviors.

That's how it should be regarded.

If you truly believe a mistaken walk in- and immediate walk back out- is actual harm then I really do question how you came to that conclusion.

If the accessible space is locked and you suspect in error then you ask a member of staff to check, you don’t barge in

Yes, I completely agree with that.

He couldn't do that because, as he confirmed to staff, he had no legitimate reason to access the disabled facility. He made a statement to that effect.

You don't appear to have read my posts. I'm not defending him. He was in the wrong. He sounds like a twat. However, there was no victim, there was no crime, there was no harm done, and theres nothing to be gained by making a bigger deal than necessary out of it, other than building a victim mindset.

Maybe the guy has experience of the door being locked when no one is in there, it might happen often? He probably thought someone would say something if they were in there.

Agreed. A man once walked in on me pissing in a train loo. The door hadn’t locked when I was certain it had. Should I feel traumatised? No it was like mildly embarrassing for a few minutes.

But then as a pp has put, he just needs to tell staff.

Which makes him thoughtless at best. It's an accessible cubicle, which means the odds are high that a disabled person has been using it.

Hmm, are there disabilities that interfere with being able to hear? Yes, yes there are. Are there disabilities that interfere with speech? Yes, yes there are.

I can only hope Mumsnetters are learning from this thread, because he probably won't.

There was a victim. It was the OP who was making legitimate use of the disabled facilities to shower and change when a man with no legitimate reason to use them overrode the lock and let himself in, in spite of another man warning him that there may be someone in there. It's up to the OP to decide how she experienced this and whether not she was traumatised by him. It's not up to you, in spite of your apparently insatiable appetite for repeating yourself and stating that he meant no harm and no harm was done. It's not your call to make.

Why did you get my post removed? I didn't even mention disability. What was offensive in what I wrote exactly?

Maybe the guy has experience of the door being locked when no one is in there, it might happen often? He probably thought someone would say something if they were in there

Yes, that's what a lot of people are saying, including me. It's a regular problem with this type of Jack and Jill set up as the OP has stated. The vast majority of people would shout out when they realised someone was trying the door but, as this thread has revealed, there are a few people who might feel unable to do so.

The bloke should have asked staff , or maybe a woman, to nip round and check (although that might be too much of imposition to some posters). Definitely staff anyway. He was out of order and he's now been told that. I think banning him is a bit extreme.

Agreed. A man once walked in on me pissing in a train loo. The door hadn’t locked when I was certain it had. Should I feel traumatised? No it was like mildly embarrassing for a few minutes

That happened to me once and I kicked the door shut. Had it been the other way round I would have gone back to my seat and waited 10 minutes to save embarrassment. But no, he was standing there when I came out 😯

Fundamentally, the gym was in the wrong in that the locks should have worked; they should be properly installed tested periodically. There should ideally also been some kind of visual indicator that the door is locked/facility is in use, but not all locks provide that.

When someone else approached and wanted to use the unit, they should have observed the indicators if present. If there were no indicators or they thought the indicators might be malfunctioning, then knocking on the CLOSED door was appropriate. Saying "fuck the women" is categorically unacceptable, as is trying to open the door without knocking or calling and out. The combination of aggression, misogyny, and disregard for fellow users of the facility displayed by this person is arguably strong grounds for a ban, but the decision-makers may feel that this person is mentally or developmentally impeded in some way and therefore an exception should be made to continue allowing him to use the facility. They may feel that replacing the locks and committing to test them periodically is sufficient to ensure the safety of the other members despite continuing to allow this known threat. I hope they're right.

Great. You keep telling her she's a victim. You're right. Anyone's free to find themselves traumatized by any interaction really, aren't they? Perhaps I'm traumatized by you invalidating my point of view repeatedly. Or perhaps I assume control in my world and understand my own actions have bought about the way you're speaking to me so next time I can speak differently to you if I don't like it.

'Harm' means something.
'Trauma' means something.
'Being a victim' means something.

Chose your label and accordingly. Anyone chosing to label this mistake as above of course has the right to do so.

My point is that its not optimal.

I leave you to it.

100% this

why is everyone traumatised by everything

Someone walked in on me when I was in the bath at a university halls of residence. We were from another university and staying there for a sports competition. I didn't realise the lock was dodgy and nor did he.

I was naked (obviously)

I just laughed hysterically! He apologised later (when I was fully dressed)

"What sort of person unlocks a toilet / shower / changing room door with even knocking."
The sort of person who would enjoy an 'accidental' eyeful of a naked lady, His offensive misogynistic comment shows his true nature.

Quite possibly because in this case a locked door doesn't always mean that, and in fact it is locked from their side when the room is unoccupied a lot?

Agreed, and I'm sorry he treated you that way he sounds like a horrible aggressive man, i would be nervous if seeing him again if I was in your shoes. The gym should put him on notice and certainly ban him if he behaves badly again.

i Locked the door. I reasonably assumed locked door would stay locked. I had only entered the room a minute before so it’s not like it had been locked for ages.

i didn’t know there was an issue that the doors were left locked by other users. Therefore , i had no reason to believe a locked door wasn’t in fact, a secure locked door.

how would he know its locked and occupied a lot? Unless he repeatedly unlocked a locked door

its a terrible system

I wonder if the gym discussed the details of your disability with him?

Even if it had been locked for ages, it is reasonable to consider that a disabled occupant needs extra time to change.

I am intrigued that some MNers are more perturbed that the guy has been asked if he has a disability because of his rights to privacy when your physical right to privacy has been breached and you have been forced to go into details about your disability on this thread.

Bully for you. That doesn’t give you the right to tell someone who has been distressed that their experience doesn’t matter.

The only person in the wrong here was a man who felt entitled to force his way into a locked changing room which is used by women. Everything else is victim blaming.

If the gym actually cared about the safety of their disabled customers they would not have this model of changing room or would at least have safer locks. The same gym who are quite happy for the man who barged into a locked changing room to continue using their facilities. I’m not surprised frankly - the one and only accessible changing room is often treated as an inconvenient business expense.

Who wants to join a gym like that?

That’s what the OP has reported.

Please stop justifying yourself to the morons that think this was somehow your responsibility.

You did nothing wrong. His behaviour was not your responsibility. If you had hearing loss you’d not even have known the handle was tried. His behaviour was wrong.

You were using the right facility, for the right reasons and you had every right to do so without having to listen to an oversized toddler throwing his toys out of his pram because he couldn’t get into the room he had no right to enter any way yet alone have the experience of him barging in on you. His actions were unacceptable. Full stop.

I am sorry you are having to deal with people suggesting you should have predicted and prevented a grown man from doing something unpredictable and moronic.

Out of interest, did you get a proper apology from him?