A man unlocked a changing room door whilst I was inside. Health club

[GymClassZero]

I went to my gym and used the disabled changing and shower room (it also has a toilet). I have mobility issues and need the aids provided here. The room is between the male and female changing rooms and can be accessed from both sides, so both doors need to be locked from inside.

I locked both doors and was getting ready to shower. While I was inside, I heard men talking on the other side of the door. One tried the handle, it was locked. He said to his friend he wanted to use the room. Another man said ‘there might already be someone in there because the door is locked’. The first man then said words to the effect of, ‘Nah, fuck the women, it’s been left locked. I’m going in there’.

Seconds later, I watched the lock unwind as it was being manipulated from the outside. He opened the door while I was inside in my swimwear. He was surprised to see me in there. I shouted at him to get out, got dressed and reported it immediately.

The gym has investigated. They’ve accepted the member accessed the disabled changing room inappropriately but they are not banning him. They say he has been spoken to and warned not to use that facility again.

They’ve also said they are replacing the locks to something more up to date than the current basic lock, and reviewing the signage on the doors.

I’m glad they’re changing the locks, but I’m angry that this is being partly framed around confusion, signage and lock issues

He was warned someone might be inside. The door was locked.

He could have knocked and waited. Instead, he chose to interfere with a locked private changing room door and enter.

I’m left feeling pretty upset and a bit traumatised by the whole incident. I really don’t want to bump into him again in the gym As he’s quite intimidating. I’ve seen him in the gym, he’s quite loud and has a certain vibe about him.

I also found out there have been previous issues with this changing room setup, which makes me even more concerned.

AIBU to expect stronger action from the gym, and to feel that a warning is not enough in these circumstances?

ideally I’d like to see him banned as it was an accident.

(The gym have confirmed he is not disabled and should not be using the disabled facilities).

That's not how the law works. The fear of attack has to be founded in some sort of reason and logic.

I am wondering if they had a right to ask him, in the first place. The staff need some training, by the sound of it

No, you're right, they didn't. All sounds a bit wishy washy to me.

Anyway in this example I don't think he should have used a coin or whatever to unlock the door but got a staff member who hopefully would have given the OP a longer time to respond

I think everyone would agree with that.

You would tell your daughter that she was a victim if someone mistakenly walked in on her at the gym? And encourage her to call the police?

Rather than to just speak up loudly if someone tries to walk in on her?

I despair if this is the younger generation's way of viewing life. It's so damaging.

There is no victim. There has been no crime. No one has been hurt. Us women can speak up loudly and control our own environments to a very good extent. There is nothing to be gained from taking on a victim mindset where personal control of the situation would have been sufficient to avoid an awkward encounter. And thats all this was- am awkward encounter.

No point dwelling on the would’ve, should’ve, could’ve — it’s happened now, and you’re absolutely right to feel angry about it.

I would escalate this as a formal complaint to head office. Make it clear that you now feel unsafe around this man. He entered an accessible toilet with no visible need to use it, and he unlocked the door from the outside even though you had locked it from the inside. That alone is unacceptable.

You also do not feel that a simple “talking to” is an appropriate response, especially given that he said “fuck the woman” despite knowing the door was locked.

This behaviour is completely unacceptable from any service user, and it reflects poorly on a company that would allow someone with that attitude and behaviour into their premises.

It sounds like they dealt with it adequately. He did a stupid thing but it seems clear he believed the room was genuinely unoccupied. If you had shouted out that you were in there, and he had still persisted in trying to enter, that would be grounds for banning him. It's good that they are upgrading the locks.

These types of changing rooms are very confusing and I agree that there needs to be greater clarity and security around occupancy.
I am sorry that you are upset OP, I don't believe that the man should be banned.

Surely they have a right to ask, because otherwise any selfish jerk can just hog the disabled facility

Not a good setup. Someone could then access the other changing room through the disabled changing room. There has to be a simple solution.

It's poor design. They're probably used to people forgetting to unlock one side so it looks occupied on one side when it's empty.
I think the gym banning him would have been over the top.

Its gobsmacking, especially challenging the OP as to why she needed to cover up quickly whilst in a fucking changing room. Its an accessible changing room - the occupant could be non verbal, deaf, or simply unable to respond quickly due to being frozen (it take seconds to open one of those stupid slotty locks).

The gym are stupid to have a jack and jill type access model between the men’s and women’s changing facilities, but especially so to have such without even decent locks.

There is zero excuse for this man. He was misusing the facilities and the gym’s failings put another member at risk. A telling off is going to make zero difference to a man who assumes both the rights of access to someone else’s space and is to damned lazy to go and ask the staff to check the room. Of course if he had checked with staff for the room’s availability they might have asked why he was using it.

I’d be looking for another gym which could offer women and disabled members safe facilities as well as taking the complaint further.

@GymClassZero was this gym part of one of the big chains?

Yes that is what really matters here 🙄.

The point is even if he was in need of an accessible space he had no right to breach a locked door to a facility for disabled members and which could easily contain a female disabled member. If the accessible space is locked and you suspect in error then you ask a member of staff to check, you don’t barge in.

it isn't ops fault, but it was clearly also not intended as a way for this man to see women naked / gain access to assault and abuse a woman etc. he thought it was empty, he clearly said so, op heard him say so. it's a unisex space with two doors where one is accidently left locked periodically.

Sorry. I didn’t mean I don’t believe you. I do. I was aiming that at the people doubting your story. Regardless of whether they believe you or not, victim blaming and picking apart your actions is wrong.

Intent doesn’t matter. Also he was behaving in an aggressive and intimidating way. His motives were probably not sexual but they were still aggressive and intimidating. Harm was still done. He also broke into a locked public toilet. He should have got staff involved if he truly believed he had a right to access. He could have written to the gym if he felt the locked door was an infringement on his rights.

It doesn’t matter if he thought it was unoccupied.

1. he didn’t need to use the facility and has no right to. That has been confirmed.
2. he absolutely shouldn’t have used the outside kick that was designed for emergencies. He should have asked a member of staff.
3. he was acting in an aggressive and intimidating way in public. A breach of the peace you might say.

where did you get behaving in an aggressive and intimidating way from the OP when all they write was: He was surprised to see me in there. I shouted at him to get out

I know the OP also said "he had a certain vibe" but as she couldn't see him from her cubicle, I think we can take that with a pinch of salt 😂

Exactly what harm was done here?

Do you seriously believe that true harm was done? Beyond something that everyone should be able to deal with giving a huge internal cringe and a reminder to next time speak up loudly? Or even to shout at the guy- Hey! I'm in here! That's why the door was locked!

Vastly more harm is done by assuming a victim mindset and telling yourself you had no control and that the world is full of predators.

Yes the guy sounded like a huge twat but we will forever more be surrounded by huge twats. We have to cope with the small things in life sensibly. Theres nothing to be gained by making this scenario into something it wasn't.

What harm was done?

A large, intimidating and strong man was pacing, swearing and acting aggressively. He was specifically directing his anger at women (likely smaller and weaker than him physically). That is not ok and does create fear in normal people. He then deliberately ignored the verbalised possibility of someone being in the changing room and deliberately broke in. He had no need to use the space and no right to enter it. It sounds scary. I think victim is the correct language here. That doesn’t make the OP a ‘victim’ interns of her whole being but he is in this case the aggressor and she is the victim of the consequences of his aggressive behaviour.

He needs to learn that his toddler tantrums are not ok to engage in now he is a grown up.

Yes. The OP has said she is left feeling slightly traumatised. Psychological harm was indeed done.

Just because you report something to the police does not mean you see yourself as a victim.

People report things for many reasons.

He opened a locked disabled door.
He shouldn't have.
The door was locked.
The OP locked the door and have every right not to have the door interfered with.

Your determination to defend men like this is seriously creepy.

As is trying to imply reporting something to the police is not the right thing to do for someone should they wish to.

A large man, using aggressive language forced open a changing room that was locked, and you are saying someone who wouldn't accept his actions is somehow wrong?

The OP was using disability services and she has a mild brain injury.
She has every right to feel upset at the intrusion.

Defending an aggressive man violating her privacy is disgusting.

I despair of posters so determined on this site to defend such awful behaviour against someone using a gyms disability facilities.

Yes, that's the pertinent disability rights issue. <- sarcasm

The disabled cubicle was occupied. As he thought it was locked in error, he should have got a member of staff to check and unlock, due to the risk of walking in on a disabled occupant who did not hear a knock or could not respond. The reasons for that could include hearing impairment, being non-verbal, or various disabilities that cause slow processing.

I don't wish to go into details because of GDPR but one person I support would shower independently in the accessible cubicle at swimming, but would freeze up if a stranger tried to access the room. I am generally on guard outside the room, but people slightly more able wouldn't have that funding.

That's A LOT of details from someone who was not there 😂

A male while she was getting undressed. And sure, you go set more female-only provision up. It's a big disability issue, due to disabled women (particularly non-verbal ones) being targeted for sexual abuse. There are a lot of vulnerable disabled women with PTSD from sexual assault.