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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

678 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
PinkPonyAnonymous · Today 13:46

YABU

At our local pool what you have described is probably 1/3-1/4 of all the shared toys. I might have let him take them but acknowledge if someone else asks he would have to share because they are shared toys. That is an unreasonable amount of hold on to.

If they were his own, that’s different but as shares pool resources that was very unfair.

YorksMa · Today 14:36

HaveYouFedTheFish · 11/06/2026 17:33

There is a lot of evidence that forcing children to share before they've finished playing actually produces children who resource guard and are less likely to share voluntarily. What @drearyllama descibes is the Montessori principle that everything is communal except whilst it's in use, and whilst it's in use nobody else takes the toy/equipment/materials.

On the other hand this was a communal shared play situation, so the question really is whether there were enough toys to go around. If there weren't then leaving one child with nothing is very poor social skills, and a typically developing three year old can understand that if it's explained.

Its completely irrelevant that the other child was older (and completely possible you misjudged their age - people always mistook two of my children for twins even though they are two years apart because one was tall and broad and the other small and slight - parents made passive aggressive comments about how my three year old was "too old" to be in the under 6s area with his five year old brother and two little sisters (and he was playing with his siblings and not doing anything he shouldn't have been).

"Whilst it's in use" is the key phrase here. The OP's son could not possibly have been playing with all those toys at once. He simply doesn't have enough hands. So some were floating around in the water unused but reserved. AKA hogging.

Bluedenimdoglover · Today 15:29

Shared toys are for sharing - simple. If you don't want your son to share after a prolonged period of playing, take your own.

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