To not make my son share?

[drearyllama]

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

YABU

At our local pool what you have described is probably 1/3-1/4 of all the shared toys. I might have let him take them but acknowledge if someone else asks he would have to share because they are shared toys. That is an unreasonable amount of hold on to.

If they were his own, that’s different but as shares pool resources that was very unfair.

"Whilst it's in use" is the key phrase here. The OP's son could not possibly have been playing with all those toys at once. He simply doesn't have enough hands. So some were floating around in the water unused but reserved. AKA hogging.

Shared toys are for sharing - simple. If you don't want your son to share after a prolonged period of playing, take your own.

We don't live in a world where you get everything you want, whenever you want it, even if its is unsettling.
The organizer should of noticed and helped.

Did the other kids have as many toys as he had? He may have been targeted because he had so many toys.

Probably because your child had a lot of toys to himself!
An hour is a very long time to have all those toys without sharing.
You are that parent we all hate at the park that doesn’t make their little treasure share the swing and ignores the huge queue of kids waiting their turn.

Love this simple explanation-🙌

Think op has realised they were wrong and ain’t coming back 😁

Although given their posts of faux-innocent outrage, I doubt she had a great revelation about how selfish and wrong she was.

OP just doesn’t like the responses she’s received, and has gone off in a hissy fit.

I think OP must have got her friends to come and vote that she's NBU. Or are 11% of mums that selfish/ socially inept?

That is a lot of toys you let your son choose. I let my kids choose one watering can at a time!
He couldn’t possibly have played with them all at once. Of course you should have said “you’ve had long enough now darling”

You don’t know if anyone else’s was targeted by other children as you took your Child away to play alone

you also took 2 buckets and sounds like he had 7/8 toys

why go to a toddler swim if he prefers independent play

aka doesn’t want to share

why not just take him to the pool

I periodically open this thread hoping that the OP has come back. She won’t I guess. But I do hope that when she’s in the group in future she will look at herself and see what others see. It’s not the child that other parents there will be judging harshly (usually), it’ll be OP. Maybe she’ll see the looks and will help a change for the better.

I hate it when children are told to share with another child who just announces that they want what that child has. It seems to me if children want something from another child, they play the 'share' card. Basically it is teaching that child if it wants it, it can have it. No no and no. Bugger off and find your own toys. I GPT'd it and I completely agree with what it said.

Here are some reasons why forcing or overemphasizing sharing can be harmful:

1. It can undermine personal boundaries. Children should learn that they have ownership over their belongings and can choose when and with whom to share. This helps them develop healthy boundaries later in life.
2. It may create resentment. If a child is required to hand over a favorite toy whenever another child wants it, they may become frustrated or less willing to be generous voluntarily.
3. It doesn't teach genuine generosity. True generosity comes from choosing to share, not being compelled to do so. Forced sharing teaches compliance rather than kindness.
4. It can encourage entitlement. If children learn they can have someone else's toy simply because they ask, they may develop unrealistic expectations that others must always accommodate them.
5. Young children are still developing self-control. Toddlers and preschoolers naturally have a strong sense of possession ("mine"). Learning to take turns and cooperate develops gradually as their brains mature.
6. It may ignore emotional attachment. Some objects have special meaning. Adults aren't expected to lend cherished possessions to strangers, so it's reasonable for children to have a few items they don't want to share.

Rubbish in, rubbish out.

Did you just forget to provide ChatGPT with important details such as, this was a public space with ‘shared’ toys and that the child had quite a few for over an hour?

In any case, when did AI replace common sense 🙄

Exactly, @Maggiethecat - @NavyTurtle has clearly missed the fact that the OP allowed her son to take more toys than he could play with at one time from the toys provided by the pool for ALL the children there, kept them for a considerable length of time, and then refused to share.

OP’s child only has two hands but had several toys, and had taken them away to the other end of the pool to keep them to himself for a long time. I do not blame him for this - I blame the adult that didn’t say to him, “No, you can have one or two toys, not that many!”

Why, oh why do people post lengthy responses from ChatGPT as though they provide supportive evidence of anything? Hint: they do not.

Of course the child in the OP should have shared the communal toys, as everyone with the slightest awareness of life in the real world knows. (I know the OP has long gone and I have doubts as to their motives in starting this thread in any event.)

Yay I agree. When it’s THEIR stuff/toys. All the stuff you mentioned are right.

Not when it’s communal toys put out fur EVERYONE.
One wonders how that child copes at nursery/school tbh….

@NavyTurtle you really thought that was a valid contribution? 😂

Is this a new thing? Resurrecting threads where the OP has disappeared long ago to post AI slop?

😂😂😂

Yes, unfortunately!

🙄 We’ve all got the internet.

Probably as valid as this comment from you.

Did your comment apply to toys that are supposed to be a shared resource, @NavyTurtle? My reading of it suggests it is referring to toys that belong to the child, not ones provided by the venue for all the children to share, as was the case in this instance. The OP let her child take and monopolise more toys than he could play with, and she refused to get him to return some of them, so other children could play.