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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

678 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 11/06/2026 17:17

Were there other buckets and watering cans available?

Blimms · 11/06/2026 17:17

That’s an awful lot of the shared toys to hog for 1 hour.

amber763 · 11/06/2026 17:18

Did he need 2 buckets?

InveterateWineDrinker · 11/06/2026 17:18

Your DS kept shared toys for an entire hour and then wouldn't give them up? That's not a great lesson for him, honestly.

Overtheatlantic · 11/06/2026 17:18

I think after an hour you should have shared.

VividDeer · 11/06/2026 17:19

I think you had best take your own with you as he seemed to have a lot of toys for a long time

Tiredforfive45 · 11/06/2026 17:19

The other adult had a point. In a shared play environment, it’s important for children to learn to share toys, especially when there are multiple kids involved. If your son was holding onto multiple toys while other children were waiting, it can come off as hogging. It’s all part of teaching kids to navigate social situations and learn compromise.

SooPanda · 11/06/2026 17:20

Your child is only playing with the toys they're holding in 2 hands. The rest is hoarding. 2 buckets and a watering can is more than your fair share especially for over an hour!

concertinacornflake · 11/06/2026 17:21

Both sides at fault here.

He should be expected to share toys that are not his own, by taking reasonable length turns.
An adult should not have removed the toy from him but should have discussed properly with you the parent (as your parenting was the issue).

Basically two wrongs don't make right - you were wrong, then she was wrong.

Motnight · 11/06/2026 17:21

Surely in this situation your son should be taking turns with the toys? Not keeping them all to himself?

MANCHIIIIILD · 11/06/2026 17:21

I genuinely don't believe a child could pick and carry all of those toys and go to another end of a pool at 3 and a half years old.

If this actually happened you are being obscenely unreasonable.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 11/06/2026 17:21

You only take 1/2 toys max at any one point at those sessions. When you’re finished with one, you can choose another. You don’t arrive at the start and choose the toys you want for the whole session. Tbh the fact you’ve had to ask this is staggering. If your DC can’t ‘share’ toys which don’t even belong to
him, and has to play miles away on his own with the set of toys he can’t share, these sessions are not for you.

BMW58 · 11/06/2026 17:23

We're there buckets etc to spare?

If not then sorry, but YABU. Your son took several items and more than 1 of each. He had exclusive use for a hour!

You need to help him overcome this.

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:23

MANCHIIIIILD · 11/06/2026 17:21

I genuinely don't believe a child could pick and carry all of those toys and go to another end of a pool at 3 and a half years old.

If this actually happened you are being obscenely unreasonable.

I said we went to the other end, meaning I helped him.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 11/06/2026 17:24

From your post, it doesn't sound like you were making him share though, or that you were going to make him share at all

Honestly I think your son had had the toys for long enough that you should have made him share yes.

canuckup · 11/06/2026 17:24

An hour in the pool?? He must have been shrivelled

Savvysix1984 · 11/06/2026 17:25

Yes your child should have shared. One hour of exclusive play with a toy in a shared environment is long enough.

Arlanymor · 11/06/2026 17:25

Your son took multiple toys: 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float. That's so greedy and deprives others unless there were loads of other things to play with - including a watering can - which I guess not, otherwise the other family wouldn't have asked him to share.

It's not your kid's fault, it's your fault. Why did you let him take so much stuff? He's only got two hands. Entitlement springs to mind. And you hogged them for 45 minutes. My goodness. You are incredibly unreasonable. And selfish.

SooPanda · 11/06/2026 17:25

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:23

I said we went to the other end, meaning I helped him.

Yes you grabbed more toys than is reasonable and then taught your child to hog them

PurpleLovecats · 11/06/2026 17:26

How many toys are there overall? If there are hundreds then fair enough but it sounds like he had quite a few. I think he should have shared.

Gigglegiggle · 11/06/2026 17:26

If you want to hog toys, take your own.

itsgettingweird · 11/06/2026 17:27

How many buckets. Watering cans and toys were there?

in a shared session with shared toys if you hog the only available items for over an hour then you aren’t teaching your child to share.

You are teaching your child they can have what they want, at whatever quantity - regardless of everyone being there for the same reasons.

How would you and/or child feel if there was no toys available and after an hour at the session he still couldn’t access any?

ithappenstootherfamilies · 11/06/2026 17:28

And we wonder why children have issues later in life!

Blimms · 11/06/2026 17:28

You’re not doing your dc any favours here. He is going to struggle when he starts school and isn’t used to sharing. It’s a really basic skill and you will be letting him down if you don’t teach him this.

Arlanymor · 11/06/2026 17:28

This reminds me of a girl when I was at primary school who would never let anyone else in the playhouse when she was in there. She would go in, close the door and then play with everything inside and not let anyone in for the whole of every single break. The teacher had to repeatedly try and remind her that there was such a thing as sharing - in the end she was banned from playing in there at all, as she would never, ever share. I guess I know what her swim sessions probably looked like now...