AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

[Bigglebiggle]

Have a DD age 13, for the last 10 years she has lived with me primarily and stayed with dad every other weekend and through the holidays. There has been periods in the past she has said she does not like dads and did not want to go, however I have always encouraged this.

I have been with my partner for 3 years, due to get married next year and ever since the engagement DD has been trying to split us up. Recently she has told her dad and school information that is not true, leading to the welfare officer being involved. She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her, however he asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores etc.

DD has informed us and her school she wants to live with dad, however I know this is just a phase and informed her and her dad this is not going to happen, I dont want my child living away from me. Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order, im at a loss of what to do, im heart broken.

AIBU to think he is just being over the top and to go to their his house to demand her back?

Exactly how many men have you made her live with?

How many other children do you have? Do they live with you?

do They see their father often assuming a different man to this.

3 years ago you had a 2yr old DD, a 10yr old DSS and a husband. What happened?

"He asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores". This sentence summarizes it all; that is why she wants to move in with her dad. Your partner is not her father. His role is to be a friend—to support her if she is upset or sad, and to give her a ride if she needs one.

How strange, what's the point, I don't get it.

How curious

I was 13 when my stepdad moved in, and my mum was so grrat beforehand, almost fiercely explaining that if I didn't like it he isn't moving in. He had grown kids and knew the score nd never lay down the law at home (my mum more than capable of that!) Point is, to you he's your partner and therfore has some authority to tell your daughter what to do like a parent, to her he's a man you're with, he's not her dad. She obviously doesn't care for him.

Sorry op I think you should put your dd first. Why do parents just move on without considering there kids feelings. She might be ok with dad’s relationship because she doesn’t live there. You might lose your dd you don’t want to so why can’t you just date this guy live apart not everyone can cope with blended families. I get you want a relationship and to be happy which is your right but you’re making your dd miserable.

You can object, but I'm not sure you should actually fight it. Dad is her parent too, why shouldn't she live with him and see you weekends and holidays?

Don't get me wrong, I'd hate it, but surely it's not different to how it's been for him for however many years since you've split.

It's a shame she has met multiple partners, I assume they didn't try and parent her though. Chores etc should come from you, not your boyfriend (assuming he hasn't been there as long as she can remember given she met others). And even if your arguments are about her, kids shouldn't be hearing them. Of course she's not going to be happy living there if she's basically hearing that she's the problem all the time.

If he has a prohibited steps order I wouldn’t recommend it. I’d probably step back and arrange a visitation schedule.

In the 1980s I was a residential social worker caring for girls who were under care orders, They had been in trouble, stealing, skipping school, alcohol, drugs, bad boys ++ they were ALL from homes where there was another "Dad" or Dads. Not bad girls just couldn't cope with a bloke who had NOTHING to do with them telling them what to do and having to share their Mum in their precious teen years.
Do consider holding off on your living together relationship for a couple of years.

Dbd.Dick before daughter.Choose her.

I’d really look at this relationship. Speak to her by yourself about why she doesn’t like your partner. Has something happened?

Unfortunately, she is old enough to decide where she wants to live. And as heartbreaking as it is, it is not with you.

My nephew, last year, decided he wanted to live with his dad. Not quite a year later he is asking to come back home.

Couldn't agree more. From bitter and learned experience.

Those of you saying ditch your DP are mad @Bigglebiggle she is acting up and no child should dictate what their parent does.
As long as he's not abusive then it's fine to ask her to tidy her room, but in all honesty that's not his job, it's yours. So why were you letting him do your job? You may have lost your DD because of you not him.

I hope she comes round and the court order has a review dates so this can be discussed in court or with mediators.

Listen to your daughter. Shes trying to tell you she's not happy

It is NOT up to your partner of barely 3 years to be telling your daughter what to do. He is not her parent.

No wonder she’s sick of him. He’s moved in and starts acting like he’s in charge. Add in teen hormones and it’s obviously a recipe for disaster, why didn’t you stop him before this? It’s your job and role to deal with your daughter. She doesn’t need a third “parent” figure - she has 2 parents.

Your choice OP. Him or your DD.

Wow. So people think that having a child means you have to stay single for decades? That's insane. OP is engaged to this guy. He's not a boyfriend.

If DD doesn't get on with him that's a separate issue but fuck being single and lonely for 20 years. Plenty of kids grow up with stepparents.

How are you so stupid that you don't see the problem isn't her. She's had no issue with your previous partners or with her dad's partner.

Why are you so eager to dismiss what she's been telling you for a long time? If its at the point where she's moving out, and the school very much sound like they're acting in her best interests, it's because she's exhausted all other options with you. You're making it clear that you prioritise this man over her.

You can't stop her living with her father.

OP have you done a Sarah's law request? Has you ex husband? If he has he may have been told something about your current partner. If it showed a crime or previous concerns he would get a court order to house her away from you and him.
As a survivor of CSA I can tell you these men target single mothers with young daughters and play the long game. Three years is really a very short time to be seeking to get married for the third (?) time.

Your partner sounds like the Big Man doesn't he? Thinking he will move in with a woman and start laying down the law to a child. And then you - the Mum - takes his side!! That's how your child will view it. Poor girl. Already had the trauma of her parents splitting and all that entails (not saying it can't be amicable but it still is not the desired situation) and now she feels she has to move from her main residence to get away from a strange man. Have a good think about your behaviour.

So if she is fine with everyone else, your ex’s and her Dad’s partner- what is that saying about your current partner?

She was fine with him until the engagement.

Yep, this thread is depressing to read, poor kid. time and time again we read about women putting the latest boyfriend before the welfare of their children, why? Makes me sick...

It really is as simple as this in the short term.

Your relationship is probably beyond repair, but there got now, let her go.

The partner would be moving out before my child moved out. She doesn't want to live with him op. You can see him outside the home or you can see your dd outside the home.