AIBU about the split of bills….

[Firemansspouse]

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job. He was renting a place and was running out of money fast.
I said that him and his daughter who lives with him full time could move in with me as it was on the cards down the line anyway.
I own my house, with a mortgage, no kids just me and the two cats.
we discussed finances and I said, that it would be fair for him to pay half towards the mortgage and bills , ie split everything down the middle. He did that.
11 months down the line he’s in the process of losing another job… we are talking senior manager jobs here.. but anyway…

he’s brought it up a few times recently that it’s unfair that I ask him to pay half of the bills and the mortgage… and that really he should just pay half the bills, as I’ve cannot afford to save and if we were to split up after say ten years he would of contributed to the property price which may have gone up by the. But would stand to gain nothing.
there are two things I wish to gain your thoughts on here….
aibu asking for half of all the house bills including mortgage?
if I was to go on bills only would it be unreasonable to ask for him to pay 2/3 of them as him and his daughter live here.
ny bills have gone up exponentially since they moved in.

any thoughts or insights to how you lovely bunch work it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I’m being super unreasonable here whereas I didn’t think I was previously.
TIA

Move him out

He can't expect to live rent free! But I think half the mortgage is an arbitrary cost. But how much would a 2 bed be for him to rent in the area for him and his daughter? How much would he be spending if he didn't have your place? Slightly less then that amount is completely fair. Which I assume will be more then half your mortgage so he's probably on a really good deal. Cheeky sod. I'd tell him to do one. (edited for spelling)

It's not fair to ask him to pay half of the mortgage and not have any interest in the property.

It is fair to ask him to pay 2/3 of the bills.

It's also fair to ask him to move out if you want to.

This is YOUR house so if you split he’d be out and I get why he’d not be wanting to pay towards a house he has no financial interest in.
But I understand what you’re saying - he is living there

But hes an adult

he needs to buy get his own place and move out and you both become financially independant of each other - it’s not your purpose in life to keep him is it?

Bills, there is no argument he pays 2/3

Mortgage to be really honest I see his point. However I guess his decision is would he rather move out and pay rent or live with you?

He shouldn't pay half your mortgage but he should pay more than half the bills as he has his daughter living there too.

Just for clarification we are talking £800 all in rent / bills from him

Give him a choice - he can either pay 2/3's of all the bills including food at your house, or he can move out and pay rent and all the bills somewhere else.

Of course he shouldn’t contribute to your mortgage without being added as an owner. Which id strongly advise against. He should pay 2/3 of all bills and household expenses.

£800 for him AND his daughter? Including food and everything
Christ almighty, he saw you coming didn’t he? Tell the cheap git to move out if he doesn’t like it

edit - mortgage is making it sticky but he should be paying some sort of rent plus bills imo . And £800 is bloody cheap

why would you expect to gain anything from him living there, mortgage wise? Surely you want them living there or not. I’d be wanting to protect your property from any claims he can fairly make if he contributes to it.

Nope, he shouldn't be contributing to your mortgage but he should be paying 2/3 towards bills and food shop

My partner moved in with me and I pay my mortgage and he pays 100% for everything else house and food related. He’s paying around 1500 a month. If this guy wants to only pay 50% of bills I’d tell him to move out. He’s taking the piss. Let him rent then, or buy somewhere and furnish it for him and his child.

Not including food shops

Could he get a fully furnished 2-bed flat including all bills for £800 a month?

No, and would need an extra bedroom for when the other child comes to stay at weekends

Whether you call it the mortgage or call it rent, he's saving money by not having to rent a two bed place which would be the alternative. So he has to pay something for a roof over his head.

Bills he should pay at least half or more than half if they've increased more since he got there.

But he sounds like he's just trying to get a free roof over his and his daughter's head! Where's the mum?

By paying half the mortgage then he may acquire a beneficial interest in the property so not really in your best interest for him to pay this.

Council tax should be paid equally by all adults in the house unless exempt e.g. student. Other bills spilt by occupancy so he pays 2/3. Maybe a small amount of rent to cover maintenance and wear and tear.

Look into getting a cohabitation agreement to formalise this and write a will.

How old is his daughter? For another adult then another 1/3rd of the bills would be reasonable but not if she is ,eg,6…
I think he should pay the amount that your bills have increased since their arrival and some form of rent to cover living in your home ( in which there will be more wear and tear of house,furniture etc etc)
I don’t think it is fair for anyone to pay directly towards a mortgage when they have no interest in the property which the mortgage is on.

He moved himself in when he was going homeless and thinks death absolves Jim of paying "rent"?

No, he's exploiting you.

He's lost two jobs and told you what you needed to hear to get his feet through the door and now he's dropping the mask. Dump the fuck out of him.

So he has two children? One of which you house full time and one that stays the weekends? And he cannot hang onto a job and moved in with you because he was going to be homeless? I’m betting you’re doing most of the domestic labour to boot?

Where did you find this prince OP, and can you return him?

Why shouldn’t he pay half the mortgage? It’s just the same as him renting. Maybe several years down the line you may want to reassess this, but absolutely not now.

You should be careful asking him to pay half your mortgage or anything towards your mortgage as he could be entitled to a share of your property if you split. Bills - fine.

This is exactly like those stupid bloody men that seem to think having a wife and baby means they only have to work now I.e. their (home) workload goes down.

Who would do their bloody laundry, vook, clean etc if they were childfree and living alone independently?? But apparently having a salary is contribution enough if you get married to a woman and have a baby.

He's taking the piss to think he gets to live rent free because you're building an asset. So is a bloody landlord but he can't choose not to pay to live there..oh wait, he has, because he's sponging off you.

All those saying he shouldn't be paying towards the mortgage, is that not the equivalent of paying some rent? Presumably half the mortgage is significantly cheaper than what he would be paying if renting his own place, which also doesn't accrue any interest in the property, so I don't see why it's not a good deal for him? Would you only charge him a share of bills?