To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

slow clap

God you’re insufferable. I don’t know how your friend put up with your superior attitude.

So the time she spends in bed, you spend at the gym, running and doing your hobbies? Those things don't directly benefit anyone but yourself. Plenty of people manage to do those things without thinking it makes them superior to those who spend their free time doing other things, or nothing.

If she ridicules you for this you have a valid reason to find her specifically grating, but extending that to all "lazy adults" who never touch your life in any way is different.

I sympathise, OP. I would find this woman very boring and frustrating.

I'm an early riser too and a bit hyperactive.

But it's her life and her choice, bonkers though it may seem to us. Rather than getting cross with her you'd be better finding friends who share your energetic approach to life.

What time do you sleep and wake up? Just because you're up earlier doesn't give you a moral high ground - and this is coming from someone who wakes up at 6am everyday. She is still getting adecent amount of sleep and working everyday, so what is the difference?
If she didn't work etc. it would be different but she does so I cannot see an issue really.
Also thats a very 'hands on' role so I imagine she is on her feet all day so excercising might be the last thing on her mind.

You clearly don't respect your "friend", OP - but she seems to serve a purpose in your life, by giving yourself another woman of the same age to benchmark yourself against and feel superior to. It might be worth giving a bit of time to reflecting on what that gives you and why you seem to feed off that point of comparison?

It's great that you've found a lifestyle that suits you, but why do you have to live it by constant reference to her perceived failure? If she's making fun of your fitness routine and it irks you, why are you still friends? Or is she commenting on these things because you're lording it over her in relation to them - your sense of superiority comes across so clearly in this thread, it would be surprising if she's unaware of it...

It’s none of your business .. and you need to stop judging people

You're describing me and my sister, except my sister isn't rude like that😆same parents, same childhood, less than 2 years age difference. She can easily rot in bed until 2pm and I naturally wake between 4-6am. Our energy levels are very different.

I thought I was lazy until I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis in my 40s (20 years after first getting symptoms). With hindsight my instinctive decision /need to rest amply probably saved my life.
People's bodies and minds work in different ways and can manage different amounts

I know you are trying to sound superior but your nasty little digs are a give away 😂

I am judging the both of you, because you seem to spend an awful amount of time throwing digs at people.

I’m unsure how you got that I’m judgemental and unsatisfied with my life from what I wrote? because you are saying that anyone who is different can only be motivated by their struggles and trauma. Is it so hard to imagine that it could be .. that they are different and simply have other preferences?

Why does it have to come from a struggle of any kind? Do we pity you and assume you can only be fighting some trauma because you are lying down watching "interesting" shows on tv?

Again, both the OP and you seem to have issues. As long as I don't have to watch tv with you, I dont' care or try to analyse if you watch tv or spend hours on MN

I thought most people had grown out of the ‘hanging around with people they don’t like and slagging them off behind their back’ phase by their 20s TBH

Then clearly you are not suited as friends.

If you're both judging each other then you obviously don't like one another.

You do sound a bit holier than thou though, remember people have different lifestyles and that's all okay.

I do have hobbies and see friends but sometimes I'm so burned out on a Saturday, I will stay in bed all day playing sims and I love it. Sometimes I have to do that for my own sanity and I don't give a shiny shit if someone judges me for that.

I'm ND and I need time to myself. I have no kids so I aren't bothering anyone doing it, just a cat that likes to yowl at me to be fed. 🤣

Just leave her to herself and find more friends with things in common.

This doesn’t sound like laziness to me, sorry.

To be honest it’s none of your business what she does and what her sleeping patterns are. How seriously boring are you to be so bothered by this! 🙄

You are sanctimonious, judgemental, and nasty as well.

Live and let live, you friend is different that's all. She knows full well what you think of her and is winding you up.

Please end this friendship for her sake. You state you do voluntary work and she doesn't, so what. Cut out the virtue signalling, stop comparing yourself to her and get on with your own life. You will lose friends if you judge them, to make yourself look better.

So you’re jealous?

Yes,- to be fair, its just as judgemental to imply that active, busy people must have deep rooted psychological issues or "trauma" they're trying to escape as it is to imply people who rest a lot are "lazy".

Why cant active people just be active because they simply enjoy it? the same way that people who rest a lot enjoy that too? why is it that people different to us must have something wrong with them?

I dont understand why people are blaming the OP for being judgey and then coming out with just as many judgey comments themselves! if you truly believe live and let live, then stop criticising and judging active people too because it makes you just as bad as the OP.

@myothersockis you sound a bit grouchy. Maybe you need a nap and a lie in tomorrow??

I am pretty uptight OP but you make me look like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

Your “friend” is (presumably) the Dormouse.

I work nights and the number of people who know this but still think I ought to be “up at a decent hour” is baffling. If I go to sleep at 8 am, why in the world would I be up at 11? 🤣

Lying in bed for the most the day is one thing (and I honestly love to on the rare occasion I get a chance to), but your criticism of her being up until 2 or 3 and then sleeping until 10 is unwarranted. It’s 8 hours of sleep, which is perfectly normal.

Absolutely this. I tried to force myself to be a morning person for decades, because that was the way the world worked. I went to the doctor a few times for help with my “insomnia” and was finally told that I just do not have a 24 hour sleep/wake cycle like most people, and I can either fight against it with heavy medication and other things (which she said might not work anyway), or I could embrace it.

I’ve been working the 10 pm to 6:30 am shift at a care home for three years now and I have never been happier, professionally. It feels like I was wearing a pair of too-small shoes for 40 years and I finally got to slip them off.

You sound like a judgemental cow.

She has different priorities than you. That doesn't make her lazy, miserable or wrong in her priorities.

You're insufferable.

I am not sure, AIBU is the most popular topic on this forum for a reason 😂

Then respectfully, you DON’T actually get that some people are night owls. It’s not a choice or something that is based on “an extent”.

Being a night owl is set in every cell of my body; it’s who I am and always have been. It was miserable as a child and young adult. I tried so hard to make it work and wondered why I was failing. It took a medical professional to tell me my choices were either drugging myself to sleep at night (which might not work) or to go with what my body has wanted to do literally since birth and schedule my life so that I could sleep during the day. I went with the “sleep during the day” option and it’s made a world of difference.

There have been studies done which show that pre-modern humans basically had a rough third of the tribe/group awake at all times, e.g. some people’s most productive time was morning, some afternoon, and some night. It’s biological or evolutionary or whatever you want to call it (sorry, it’s going on 10 am here and my night owl self has not been to bed yet and I’m tired 🤣)

I work nights and some of my coworkers are like me, natural, hardwired night owls. Some just do it because of the schedule ease and higher pay 🤷‍♀️ Most humans are a bit malleable that way, but some of us truly are not.