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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know you will say I am but here goes.......

282 replies

Kimi · 23/06/2008 20:57

I am the one with the DH1 and the new DP
DH1 and I together 23 years 2 lovely kids then drifted apart.... Still love the the man to bits, just can't be a couple right now, we are however still a family and do a lot together see each other every day and get on so much better now.

I have a new DP who was a friend for a long time to DH1 and I, and who loves me and looks after me and my children and gets on well with DH1 (to whom I am still married)

Any way we did not shout our break up from the roof tops, friends and family know but a lot of people don't.

So DS2 is a beaver and as far as everyone at beavers knows Mr and Mrs Kimi are just that, there is one woman leader who has no concept of personal space and every time she speaks to DH1 she is about half and inch away and has to touch his arm, if you knew my DH1 you would know he does not like this.
So we have seen this woman a few times out side of beavers and she has been all DH1 this and DH1 that and has totally blanked me (I find this rude because as far as she knows I am his wife and we are happy).
She is also married so really should not be so um.... "friendly" with other men.
DH1 finds it uncomforitable and I find it bugs me.
A friend of mine who knows about the split says she is just like that, but I see her like that with DH1 more then any of the other dads.

I am not trying to have my cake and eat it, and I am not throwing my toys out of the pram but to put it bluntly she pisses me off by being so bloody rude, If I see anyone I know when I am out who is with their partner I will always acknowlage the partner too.

Talk some reason in to me please ladies.

OP posts:
umberella · 23/06/2008 20:59

don't know what to say!

you do sound jealous actually, however much you reason this away as something else.

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:00

plus you are going to have to get used to other women flirting with your 'dh1' if he decides he wants another relationship.

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:01

Not jealous (I know I could go home anythime I wanted too) just find her rude.

OP posts:
misdee · 23/06/2008 21:01

mmm you do sound a wee bit jealous.

are you sure she is married and not seperated like you? does she know?

what does dh1 say?

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:01

aaaaaaand just because you are still friends does not mean any future dp's of his will automatically want to be friends with you!

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:02

i think it sounds like she knows you have split actually, and likes the look of dh1

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:02

DH1 is not looking for another woman but if he was I would at least expect her to acknowlage I exhist

OP posts:
Hecate · 23/06/2008 21:02

Are you jealous and feel she shouldn't be flirting with your ex, (Unreasonable) or are you pissed off that someone is standing there chatting away to someone you are standing with but ignoring you (Reasonable) ??

bergentulip · 23/06/2008 21:02

Quite frankly, it sounds like the whole situation will end in tears somehow, and I think I feel sorry for your current DP... somewhere down the line he is going to get hurt- no?

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:03

Misdee, she is married I have seen her hubby.
There is no way she could know about our split and as much as I love DH1 George cloony he aint

OP posts:
umberella · 23/06/2008 21:03

i feel sorry for dh1!

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:04

at last post!!!!!

doesn't mean that no-one's going to fancy him!

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:04

HECATE I am pissed off that I am there and she looks through me, I find he rude.

OP posts:
umberella · 23/06/2008 21:06

she might think you are terrible for dangling dh1.

Hecate · 23/06/2008 21:07

Can I just be cheeky and note a few things??

You haven't told many people you've split.
You refer to him as your DH, not your ex
You love him to bits but can't be with him right now but you still consider you, him and the kids to be a family unit. (not closing any doors there!)
You say your current DP is a friend who loves you and cares for the kids - but you don't say you love him.

I think you wouldn't want him to get with anyone else, would you?

Would there be no way to save this relationship - I'm probably totally wrong, but it really doesn't sound finished, iyswim.

bergentulip · 23/06/2008 21:07

Well, yes, sorry for DH1 too, obviously. Is he not p'ed off his mate is now with his (ex)wife?
And you "just can't be a couple right now" - that suggests you expect something in the future.......

ummm......?

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:08

George Cloony was tongue in cheek, DH1 is a great bloke and any woman would be lucky to have him, and I am sure one day he will meet someone, not that he want to right now, but we have 23 years and 2 children and I think if he is with someone else I should at least get a hello.
But he is not with this woman, does not want to be and is very uncomfitable with her (he says so).
Even if she knows we are not together the face she blanks me is rude, is it not?

OP posts:
bergentulip · 23/06/2008 21:08

x-post hecate

Hecate · 23/06/2008 21:08

It's BLOODY RUDE! I'd have to say something tbh! I'd be loudly asking myself if I should use my Invisibility for evil or to fight crime!

Desiderata · 23/06/2008 21:09

Sorry, Kimi, but I don't understand why this is bothering you.

You don't want your husband anymore, you've found another bloke, and everything's rosy in the garden.

She obviously knows you've split up, and she fancies him. What's wrong with that?

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:10

Desi - spot on.

PinkTulips · 23/06/2008 21:11

wow, all sounds a bit jerry springer tbh.....

'as everyone at beavers knows Mr and Mrs Kimi are just that'

'I know I could go home anythime I wanted too'

what a strange situation.

and fgs, do you really think your son doesn't talk to his friends about mommy and daddy not living together and mommy's new boyfriend? it wouldn't take much for it to get back to her.

this womans behaviour might be unseemly, but yours is far stranger.

i feel sorry for the 2 men in this situation because one of them is going to have his heart broken

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:12

DH1 is DH1 we are still married and even when we divorce I will not call him EX as I feel it makes him sound worthless.
I do love DP and we are happy.
No one is dangleing, I just don't feel the need to tell everyone in real life about my personal life, it is not somethink that needs to be talked about at the school gates.
DH1 and I made 2 children and will always be their parents, and there is no need to try to kill each other and be nasty and childish,, If I said someone was doing this to DP and blanking me would you say the same.

OP posts:
AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 21:13

Is it possible your DS1 has said something to her DS so she is aware all is not well in your relationship, and is making an early claim on your DH1?

Some women can do this sort of thing intentionally, because they want the chap/want to wind the female up, OR unintentionally because they are out of touch with their feelings so don't realise how obvious they are being when subconsciously they like or fancy a man.

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:14

Ds has said nothing, I just think she is RUDE and I have a right to feel that don't I ?

OP posts: