Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know you will say I am but here goes.......

282 replies

Kimi · 23/06/2008 20:57

I am the one with the DH1 and the new DP
DH1 and I together 23 years 2 lovely kids then drifted apart.... Still love the the man to bits, just can't be a couple right now, we are however still a family and do a lot together see each other every day and get on so much better now.

I have a new DP who was a friend for a long time to DH1 and I, and who loves me and looks after me and my children and gets on well with DH1 (to whom I am still married)

Any way we did not shout our break up from the roof tops, friends and family know but a lot of people don't.

So DS2 is a beaver and as far as everyone at beavers knows Mr and Mrs Kimi are just that, there is one woman leader who has no concept of personal space and every time she speaks to DH1 she is about half and inch away and has to touch his arm, if you knew my DH1 you would know he does not like this.
So we have seen this woman a few times out side of beavers and she has been all DH1 this and DH1 that and has totally blanked me (I find this rude because as far as she knows I am his wife and we are happy).
She is also married so really should not be so um.... "friendly" with other men.
DH1 finds it uncomforitable and I find it bugs me.
A friend of mine who knows about the split says she is just like that, but I see her like that with DH1 more then any of the other dads.

I am not trying to have my cake and eat it, and I am not throwing my toys out of the pram but to put it bluntly she pisses me off by being so bloody rude, If I see anyone I know when I am out who is with their partner I will always acknowlage the partner too.

Talk some reason in to me please ladies.

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 24/06/2008 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AngelDoll · 24/06/2008 19:47

Arf arf GMOH

The current lurve square is enough without making it a lurve, er, pentagon!!

Original poster
Kimi · 24/06/2008 19:47

LOL well I will be off in a min so if IMA comes back he/she/it will have to slag me off without my witty comebacks.

Oh how I hate these light evenings, having to go out without the cover of darkness.....

Still I can make a lovely pasta sauce once I scrape all the thrown tomatoes off of us

Night all

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 24/06/2008 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

getmeouttahere · 24/06/2008 19:50

lol @ cover of darkness

AngelDoll · 24/06/2008 19:50

Have fun at the fair!

Twelvelegs · 25/06/2008 08:16

Right, from the OP it sounded as if Kimi was unsure about H and was just 'having a break'.
However, I still think this other woman probably knows the situation and if she fancies the H she will probably dislike you Kimi. Imagine it's you that likes H and you see (distorted or not) that this man is pining for his wife that's friendly and protective but 'doing the dirty' and ridiculing this lovely man.
I'm not saying you're doing this but she might and therefore why wouldn't she ignore you, perhaps she finds it awkward and judges you harshly.

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 09:57

I am quite sure she knows nothing about the break up... as for DH1 pining for me, lol I think not, also I am not "doing the dirty" on or with anyone, I don't even think she fancies DH1 she is just a sad ageing woman trying to feel better about herself by playing up to a bunch of men (seems she is like it with everyone (male) and she is considered a bit of a joke between the blokes, so says my friend who knows her much better then I do).

I do not like her rudeness in the least, but I am putting that down to the fact she knows no better.

But you are right DH1 IS a lovely man and any futuer woman would be lucky to have him, he and I are better as we are, and DH1 would be the first to admit that.

I have not and will not ever dangle him,ridicule him, use him in any way or say anything bad about him, thats just the way it is.

Ok it is not the 2.4 picket fence life, but 90% of the people I have met on here don't live that way either, seems some people just thought it would be good to go a Kimi bashing .

I have decided just to smile nicely at beaver lady and give a chreey "hello" as I only have to put up with her for 4 more weeks then she can be rude to a whole new bunch of mothers and make googoo eyes at a whole new bunch of fathers....and who knows maybe even one day she will consider it not too below herself to say Hello to some of them and maybe even from at least a whole 6 inches away.. you never know.

Got a sick child home today... so off to get the dettox, Enjoy your day ladies.

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 25/06/2008 10:43

Kimi, I wasn't suggesting that any of these things are true about you, just that people looking in may see it this way.

Some women do prefer the attention of men and feel this must exlude women, perhaps you are younger, happier and more attractive? One of my friends kissed me (when I was practically catatonic with alcohol) just to pull a bloke on holiday. Woman are either sisters or, mostly, competition!! Just rise above it.

As for 'Kimi bashing' (your name does sound a bit porn star BTW ) perhaps the OP should have been about the woman talking to your friend and not you, rather than your EX who is replaced by a DP, people like to see this as black and white as it makes everyone feel safe. We all know realistically that it's a lucky thing if we find our mate in our twenties and still feel loved and in love in our forties and fifties but it's not nice to be reminded!!! Again not your fault.

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 10:50

porn, I named myself after the little girl from rugrats .

I am yonger then beaver woman, but she is thinner then me, although I think I am happier and I am far more polite .

OP posts:
anorak · 25/06/2008 13:11

OMG, I just saw this thread...Kimi gets into another scuffle...

Just want to confirm the truthfulness of the way Kimi has described things. Kimi's DH1 is my cousin and we all spend lots of time together. Yes it is complicated and unusual but I have to say I have never seen any other couple split in the way they did, with total honesty at every turn and talking things through. They totally respect and love one another and wouldn't allow their relationship to fall apart. With enormous compromise and self-discipline on both their parts they managed to adjust their relationship to more of a friendship base. This is extremely hard to do - it's much easier to become enemies and blame the other partner for everything. So I think they deserve the highest admiration. And it is true that their children are happy and well-adjusted too.

I have no idea where Imaparentoo's ideals come from, but I suspect religion in there somewhere to have such fixed and extreme views. The kind of religion that forces utterly miserable people to stay in loveless marriages and turns them into bitter opponents of those who use their own initiative to solve their problems.

And I firmly believe that Mr Kimi posted his message himself, it sounds just like him, and yes he is a lovely chap and no he isn't a fluffy puppy - he's my favourite cousin and a great person, and so is Kimi

So back off Imaparentoo - you have no idea how truly morally superior these people actually are in ways that really matter. Your venom is hardly an example of moral rectitude is it?

lucyellensmum · 25/06/2008 14:11

my word, some really horrible posts there, and i didnt see the ones that are deleted. Of course, i have worked it all out - imaparentoo is the BEAVER lady!!

I have seen this situation work too, where a couple have split but remained friends (however this was more for the sake of their children) I think this is admirable. I dont think i could do it, because i would never be able to stop loving DP so would find it too heartbreaking. They have taken the harder road, thats for sure.

So, tell me what is better then? They stay together because its the "morally correct" thing to do, spend all their time bitching and arguing and as the children grow up they spend more and more time locked in their bedrooms or disappearing round to friends just to get away from the atmosphere (im talking from experience). Or they make the brave decision to split and remain friends, after all, when you think about it, that is extremely logical, they have a past and they have two lovely children. I think its sad that their marriage didnt work, but would have been sadder if it carried on and was unhappy for all concerned.

The woman from beavers clearly fancies the EX and sees Kimi as a threat, which is why she is being rude. So now kimi finds herself in a situation where one of her friends is being persued by someone who is openly hostile towards her - not a good situation for future friendships. It is down to the new partner, even if she was one, to accept the past life and families of their new love.

I have to say that there must be a tiny element of jealousy or pain that the EX is moving on. I can't see how you wouldnt feel some sadness, but you have both been very brave and moved on.

I salute you both.

Imaparentoo - you might find netmums a more fluffy and less real place to post, they are much "nicer" over there

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 14:50

God bless you my lovely Anorak

?kimi puts cheque in the post via air mail

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 16:29

Anorak if you are still about, I am on line...

OP posts:
totalmisfit · 25/06/2008 16:39

is there a DH2? having a DH1 would seem to imply that there is.

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 16:42

I'm collecting husbands

OP posts:
anorak · 25/06/2008 17:03

Make sure you sign it this time
Can't chat now have hosp appt soon but should be back around 7 your time and will look for you on msn then.

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 17:06

I thought I WAS signed in, stupid bloody PC.
Good luck at the hospital xx I will hang about, I cant see you on my buddy list though?

OP posts:
BeetrootBevan · 25/06/2008 17:17

Kimi you sound like you ahve such amature and honest out look - and well done to you all for managing to keep things so sane.

this woman sounds rude - but ignore it!

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 17:18

thank you beetroot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 17:25

i was almost starting to enjoy being a trollop and all the free tomatoes were great

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 18:17

Anorak, I know I am on line because I am talking to a friend in Korea, let me know if you can see me when you get home.

OP posts:
anorak · 25/06/2008 19:35

Kimi are you still there, your name is not on my buddy list now - it was earlier!

Original poster
Kimi · 25/06/2008 20:06

Just got back, find me

OP posts:
ChukkyPig · 25/06/2008 20:10

Kimi, I'm very impressed by you and Mr Kimi, if only more relationships ended so harmoniously there would be a lot less sadness around.

I also have an ex P who I still see, we were together for nearly 10 years. It was a similar situation, we were together from when I was 19, and just grew apart. Luckily we both knew it was right to split, the relationship had run it's course. We didn't have any kids, but still kept in touch, as after all we had been living together, sharing everything and were best mates.

My DH has met exP, ExP has met my DD, I have met exP girlfriend. They have moved in together and he is talking about babies, and I am over the moon for him.

If there is genuinely no inclination on either side to get back together, these things can work out really well. People find it odd when I tell them I meet exP, always can't understand why DH doesn't mind. But really, it's all fine.

As for the beaver, she is just rude. Fix her with a steely look and talk directly to her. She can hardly ignore you then. If she does maybe exDH should wander off, then she really won't have a choice!