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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know you will say I am but here goes.......

282 replies

Kimi · 23/06/2008 20:57

I am the one with the DH1 and the new DP
DH1 and I together 23 years 2 lovely kids then drifted apart.... Still love the the man to bits, just can't be a couple right now, we are however still a family and do a lot together see each other every day and get on so much better now.

I have a new DP who was a friend for a long time to DH1 and I, and who loves me and looks after me and my children and gets on well with DH1 (to whom I am still married)

Any way we did not shout our break up from the roof tops, friends and family know but a lot of people don't.

So DS2 is a beaver and as far as everyone at beavers knows Mr and Mrs Kimi are just that, there is one woman leader who has no concept of personal space and every time she speaks to DH1 she is about half and inch away and has to touch his arm, if you knew my DH1 you would know he does not like this.
So we have seen this woman a few times out side of beavers and she has been all DH1 this and DH1 that and has totally blanked me (I find this rude because as far as she knows I am his wife and we are happy).
She is also married so really should not be so um.... "friendly" with other men.
DH1 finds it uncomforitable and I find it bugs me.
A friend of mine who knows about the split says she is just like that, but I see her like that with DH1 more then any of the other dads.

I am not trying to have my cake and eat it, and I am not throwing my toys out of the pram but to put it bluntly she pisses me off by being so bloody rude, If I see anyone I know when I am out who is with their partner I will always acknowlage the partner too.

Talk some reason in to me please ladies.

OP posts:
nzshar · 23/06/2008 22:14

So he needs to tell the woman is he 30 something or still 15????!!! He is a grown man surely he can tell someone if they are overstepping his boundries.

umberella · 23/06/2008 22:14

Everyone's agreeing with you!!

umberella · 23/06/2008 22:15

Everyone's agreeing with you!!

umberella · 23/06/2008 22:15
umberella · 23/06/2008 22:16

(you still sound jealous of her)

nzshar · 23/06/2008 22:16

The fact that she ignores you is a different issue all together. Why dont you step up and make yourself be spoken to.

Dior · 23/06/2008 22:18

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 22:18

So I really am going to bed now but Yes DH1 needs to tell her that he may be 42 but is not deaf and can here her if she is 12 inches away so no need to cling to his arm and get so close ,
And I need to not worry that she has no manners.

I can be friends with DH1 even after the divorce, and DP is not a wife stealing cad

THANK GOD WE GOT THAT SORTED

OP posts:
Dior · 23/06/2008 22:19

Message withdrawn

nzshar · 23/06/2008 22:19

Like I said cake and eating it comes to mind.

nzshar · 23/06/2008 22:23

So whats the bloody worry then kimi. I live a man that has a ds (so my dss) His mum,his dad (my dp), me and her dp are all friends and regularly go to functions that involve dss. We all find it hilarious when they try to work out who is with who. Dont try and make this a unusual situation you are in. It is not!

AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 22:24

You have most people's agreement that beaver woman is rude. DH is going to speak to someone about it.

Case closed??

OR is it a false ending like Jaws, or Fatal Attraction...

TheHedgeWitch · 23/06/2008 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 22:27

Go on Kimi, there must be more to come...

Does DH not like her being so close then? I must've missed that bit

Sorry but you gotta smile, it's not a life or death dilemma on your hands!

nzshar · 23/06/2008 22:28

Judgemental because at 30 or 40 something rather than getting snotty with someone then the maturity (which she is showing with the ending of her relationship) should also be applied to dealing with beaver lady. Talk to the lady for goodness sake rather than get snotty with her. Maybe she is unaware of the way she is coming across

ThinWhiteDuchess · 23/06/2008 22:30

Hedge, the reason why some people may have been a little judgemental here could be to do with what the OP has said in some of her posts. Fantastic if she and her exH get on.

However, the OP has said that she's "Not jealous (I know I could go home anythime I wanted too)". she comments of the suitability - or not - of him taking up with a married/separated woman. Comments like these are why some posters assumed her husband does in fact follow like her a puppy (and that the OP rather likes it that way).

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 22:35

Beaver lady (snurk) is probably just one of those women who likes men rather better than woman, is enjoying a bit of a flirt with your ex, does not consider you a couple and sees no reason to treat you like husband and wife if you have split up and you are with someone else. To be brutally honest, I think he wil sound rather prissy and pathetic if he complains over her head about her standing too close and putting her middleaged hand on his middleaged arm. It's all a bit 'oooh, how very dare you'. As for you, you do sound jealous. Would it bother you at all if she was flirting with a bloke you didn't know at Beavers? She's not 'ignoring' you, she's just talking to someone else, and that's not the same thing.
If she was flirting with your dp in front of you, that would be totally different.

AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 22:35

Hedge, you can't have read the whole thread through!

Some of Kimi's comments appear to have contradicted themselves somewhat and this has caused other posters to comment.

Honestly, no-one has said OP shouldn't have a great relationship with her DH whilst enjoying a new relationship. Kimi has posted that defensively all by herself.

AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 22:38

MsD (snurk) it's a bit 1970's Tales of the Unexpected isn't it? Can just picture soft focus Beaver lady archly placing hand on DH forearm...

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 22:44

"Ooh, are you at all familiar with...beavers Mr Kimi?"

AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 22:47

Shtop it, MsD!!! I am going to get the giggles.

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 22:51

"Would you like to watch me with some other Beavers, Mr Kimi? You would, wouldn't you?"

AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 23:02

All said in dulcet Sloane accent. Cut to Mr Kimi, looking up from hand questioningly. Beaver lady smirks then flounces off, fingering her woggle suggestively....

MsDemeanor · 23/06/2008 23:06

Later that same evening....ding dong....'ooh, Mr Kimi, hello . I have some lost property here....just need to make sure it's really yours...could I see your woggle?" "ooh, Mr Kimi! I think yours is even bigger than this one!"

Original poster
Kimi · 24/06/2008 08:14

LOL MsD. .

I guess I am over reacting to her being rude, I said that, DS2 will be moving up in July so we won't have to see the bloody woman after that.

DH1 is not prissy nor a puppy, he has only said he finds she invades his space and he does not like it, and that is a fair point, how many people would like someone standing so close to you to speak the you can count the hairs on their nose?

I really am not trying to have it all, but we do have 2 children together and we do have over 20 years together and we like each other, so we do things together as a family (with DP as well).
When I said I could go home anytime I wanted to I meant from Beaver things, sorry should have been more clear about that.

I have tryed, I saw her in a shop and said hello, and she looked through me and walked off, She is obviously poorly raised to be so rude, especially as she is supposed to set an example.

Also if DH1 wanted to date a seperated woman, that is his choice, as long as he likes someone (and they are not a drunk, smack addict of going to gamble away the childrens dinner money )it is up to him.
However as I have said she IS married and he has no intrest in her.

Nzshar, I am glad I am not alone in getting on with my x, it is so much better for children if their parents can.

Thank you to everyone who could see my point that she is rude, I will take DP to the beaver fate and see what she makes of him .
Hello beaver lady, DH1 and I would like you to meet my toyboy

Goodness, things seem a lot lighter this morning.
Off to the school run now then lunch with a friend then my sister and DH1 coming for dinner.I am also going to be extra lovely and polite to everyone I see today.
Have a lovely day ladies.....

OP posts: