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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know you will say I am but here goes.......

282 replies

Kimi · 23/06/2008 20:57

I am the one with the DH1 and the new DP
DH1 and I together 23 years 2 lovely kids then drifted apart.... Still love the the man to bits, just can't be a couple right now, we are however still a family and do a lot together see each other every day and get on so much better now.

I have a new DP who was a friend for a long time to DH1 and I, and who loves me and looks after me and my children and gets on well with DH1 (to whom I am still married)

Any way we did not shout our break up from the roof tops, friends and family know but a lot of people don't.

So DS2 is a beaver and as far as everyone at beavers knows Mr and Mrs Kimi are just that, there is one woman leader who has no concept of personal space and every time she speaks to DH1 she is about half and inch away and has to touch his arm, if you knew my DH1 you would know he does not like this.
So we have seen this woman a few times out side of beavers and she has been all DH1 this and DH1 that and has totally blanked me (I find this rude because as far as she knows I am his wife and we are happy).
She is also married so really should not be so um.... "friendly" with other men.
DH1 finds it uncomforitable and I find it bugs me.
A friend of mine who knows about the split says she is just like that, but I see her like that with DH1 more then any of the other dads.

I am not trying to have my cake and eat it, and I am not throwing my toys out of the pram but to put it bluntly she pisses me off by being so bloody rude, If I see anyone I know when I am out who is with their partner I will always acknowlage the partner too.

Talk some reason in to me please ladies.

OP posts:
AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 21:32

Meant DH, not DP.

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:32
bergentulip · 23/06/2008 21:33

Are you exasperated with me umbrella?

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:34

no not at all - with op!!

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:34

poor ds too, having to keep this a secret.

bergentulip · 23/06/2008 21:35

phew---- clearly I am feeling sensitive this evening(!)

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:36

....and relax......

my post just popped up beside yours so did look like it was in response. but it wasn't, honest guv'nor!

Desiderata · 23/06/2008 21:36

Kimi, you want both of them under your thrall.

You have provided the children, and you feel all powerful.

Be cautious.

Because children, unless they happen to belong to you (and even when they do), are a pain in the arse.

YABU.

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:37

....and relax......

my post just popped up beside yours so did look like it was in response. but it wasn't, honest guv'nor!

lou33 · 23/06/2008 21:37

she may just being rude because she doesnt like you, and it has nothing to do with your h

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:40

Hubby number one is very shy.

I tryed to save us for two years before I left and leaving was hard but right.

DP and I are doing just fine

I know it sounds odd to everyone but we are all getting on with out lives.

Hubby number one and I are more open with each other now than we have been in years, He really does not like this woman getting so close, he told me this before I ever saw it for myself, he does most of the beavers stuff and would come home and say xxx just gets way to close.
Then as I say we have seen her outside of beavers and she has blanked me, if we are both at beavers drop off/ pick up she will make a bee line for DH1 to say about the notices etc, he has stood behind me before now so as not to have her in his face.
I am not kidding myself even if she was the last woman going he is not intrested.

I am quite sure DH1 and I are a done deal, been apart 2 years now, but we have 2 children that deserve to have both parents in their lives and we are not bitter with each other.

This woman would bug me if we were happily married, divorced, or as we are, she is rude and I don't know why

OP posts:
umberella · 23/06/2008 21:41

doesn't sound at ALL odd Kimi, lots of posters have said that. it's your reaction to beaver lady which is odd.

Carmenere · 23/06/2008 21:42

'
A friend of mine who knows about the split says she is just like that, but I see her like that with DH1 more then any of the other dads.'

there is your problem Kimi, this third party has told this woman about your situation and like many on here, she disapproves, hence she is rude to you.

And she is being rude to you and it is none of her business, or ours, how you organise your love life.

But you do sound a teeny bit jealous.

umberella · 23/06/2008 21:42

she obviously fancies him!!

this isn't about you staying friends with 'dh1'

Dior · 23/06/2008 21:43

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:45

Its not about having all the power, thats not why I had the children

Its not about having everyone under my spell

My children do not have to keep it secreat, most of their friends know.

The issue is I find this woman rude.
Hubby number 1 thinks she is sad and is a bit scared of her.

I am sorry if I should be baying for DH1s blood and child support, grown ups can get on even after splitting up you know.

And DP knows we will not be having children as having DS2 almost killed me hench DH1 getting snipped because I was told to have no more.

OP posts:
Dior · 23/06/2008 21:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:49

I am not saying she has to like me, but I think she does not need to be rude to me.
If she is discussing our child she can with me as much as hubby number one.
Anyway off to bed,
I think she is rude, DH1 thinks she is rude and sad.

But it bugs me that she is rude.
If she is supposed to be leading children she is not setting a good example on politness is she.

OP posts:
umberella · 23/06/2008 21:49

"I am sorry if I should be baying for DH1s blood and child support, grown ups can get on even after splitting up you know."

WTF?

Have I missed something?

Issues!

Dior · 23/06/2008 21:50

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:51

Well everyone seems to think it strange we get on, do things together with out children and talk to each other and are friends.

Dh1 is going to speak to one of the other leaders about her being "over friendly"

I still think she is rude, can any of you say she is not?

OP posts:
AngelDoll · 23/06/2008 21:52

Kimi, I don't think anyone has suggested that you shouldn't get on brilliantly with DH, or that you should be baying for his blood? When did anyone suggest that here?

You still don't seem to be satisfied with most posters agreeing that yes, this woman is being rude. You are, though, very keen on talking about DH....

Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:52

I guess I was asking why I am bothered with her being rude.

Should I be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimi · 23/06/2008 21:53

So I am not over reacting to the rudeness then?

OP posts:
umberella · 23/06/2008 21:54

it's because you still want to be dh1's no 1 lady on some level. clearly.

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