To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

@tryingtogohome Did you contact Global ARRK? the CEO spoke at a conference in Poland

GlobalARRK CEO speaks at OPOKA CIO Conference – Globalarrk

https://www.facebook.com/ExpatStuckParent/posts/pfbid026XSiTs8oeekRNnW8cRwsdJMGN5YUSh7d6hzL8aEZ6bjD563qRgiYnYx5bBtuGmSnl

Sorry OP, I thought you’d been back four times to give birth, but it was twice. I didn’t mean to make you feel even worse than you do.

I was trying to see if that meant your partner earns quite well, which might mean you would be ok if you split? (Have no idea of the law in Poland so was curious) But it clearly didn’t come over well.

How are you doing these days OP?

I'm worried about the OP.
Maybe she's just taking time off the Mumsnet after receiving some back clash or maybe she's feeling really emotionally unwell.
OP, are you okay? ❤️ How's your relationship with your husband these days? Are things any better?

I'm worried about her too.
The thought of trying to seperate almost sounds overwhelming especially if she's likely to end up as a trapped parent.

Actually I think the better long game here might be to try to convince him to move the whole family back to the UK, be near his family and family support.
Then try to seperate once back in the UK.

That way she doesn't risk getting trapped in Poland.

Good luck Op

With all due respect to people suggesting OP moves to a third neutral country or convinces her DH to move back to the UK, I think it's obvious it won't happen. What she needs to focus on is settling down in Poland and making her life there as good as possible.

Accepting that and moving forward would be much more useful to the OP than entertaining ideas that just can't be executed, however well meaning the posters are.

And I'm saying this as someone 'trapped' in the opposite situation. In the last couple weeks, I managed to make my life a little bit better. Frankly, my husband wasn't abusive so that helps massively but I'm also stuck somewhere where my MIL doesn't respect me as a parent, wants to over take and has made things really hard. And I just want to move. And I can't. At least, I'm finally getting the support from the husband but this may change.
Given all this, I can somewhat relate to the OP and I believe she can make her life in Poland great but I know it's so so hard. Especially when you think that plan B could give you a much better life 😔

Without wanting to say too much, I have been in the situation of being in another coubtry and trying to separate from someone with a slightly domineering edge.
It is very overwhelming. I developed some psychological issues as a resukt and this was without dependents.
People who havent lived this massively underestimate the deep crisis and logistical nightmare it poses. It feels unsolvable when youre thousands of miles away from any kind of support system and have red tape to navigate on top of the psychological mess.
Its worlds away from the "throw your bag in the car and kip on a mates sofa" solution that could otherwise be found.

OP I would urge you to continue posting and take this in tiny baby steps.

But OP isn’t miles away from any available support. There’s plenty of support available in Poland, and surely some of it is available in English too. I know this because I have family there who work in social care and the police.
Also, why not contact Women’s Aid and ask for advice? They could point OP in the right direction and explain the legal basics.

Sometimes the support you need isnt institutional, its just family and friends