To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

I don’t think you’d be allowed to bring the children here if they’re polish residents? Is there a women’s refuge in Poland? You could reach out to them.

They were born in England

Only the oldest was

sorry the eldest 2

It reads as if they all are apart from the youngest because the youngest came early.

Where abouts in Poland are you? We might be able to help find some resources for support? My husband is Polish but we live in the UK. Very happy to see if we can find some good local resources for you

Do you have family in the uk? Are they aware of what’s going on?

What passports do they have? Agree with pp contact Polish Women’s Aid or similar.

Sorry, I missed that.
even so, Poland is still their country of residence and their DF is polish so they are classed as polish citizens. By the sound of it it may not be past her H to refuse to let the youngest leave as a bargaining chip

OP says she was in care so no family.

Are you planning to have this baby in the UK?

can you arrange for the kids to come so they can stay with and get to know family?

once you are over here it may be easier to contact women’s aid from here and not go back…the maternity unit will help.

Have you not read the posts pointing out that she may well go to jail if she tries this?

I really think you need more specialist advice than Mumsnet AIBU OP.

I am not sure you can, it sounds like 4 of your children (soon to be 5) were born in Poland? Surely there are laws stopping parents from taking kids abroad?

Yes, also having six kids with a man you and your kids aren't happy with is...inexcusable.

Lets kick someone when she's down shall we?

She knows, you can tell that she knows there's no need to rub it in, the situation is what it is and she needs help.

I know people are advising you to come back to England but how feasible is that actually for you with 6 children? Do they all have passports? Where would you live, how would you support your family?

Gosh sorry to have missed that (no excuse but I was getting off the bus while reading).

Did you all come over when you had your children? Who did you stay with? Just wondering if there are other supports around.

Even if you can’t get to the UK immediately, there may be ways to leave him and move elsewhere in Polska

Poland and the UK are both parties to the 1980 Hague Convention on Child Abduction. The children's habitual residence is Poland.

Removing the children from Poland (or keeping them in the UK) without the father's consent or a court order would generally count as wrongful removal under the Hague Convention. He could apply for their prompt return to Poland through the courts.

I know some of the people on here are well intentioned, but their advice is absolutely terrible.

Get some legal advice.

I don’t think going back to the UK is possible atm, but it doesn’t mean you have to stay with him. The child benefit plus possible child maintenance will give you enough money to provide for your family. Start with reaching out to your friends and women’s organisations. Are you on spousal visa or do you have permanent residency?

I don't understand how all but one of your children were born in England when you have lived in Poland for so long. Do you return for the births? Will you be doing so for this one, in which case you could ask your midwives to support you to access advice here. Otherwise you're in a tricky situation and need decent legal advice.

What official citizenships do the children have?
For anyone with official British citizenship, you now need to enter the UK on a British passport; you cant use a second citizenship passport.
It sounds like the older ones have British citizenship, so they’d need British passports.

She can't move to England unless their father gives permission.

Please, please do not try to remove the children from Poland without legal advice. It's their place of habitual residence. The Hague Convention rules here. Something no-one ever seems to think or talk about when moving abroad. i know several people stuck abroad because they cannot leave the country with their children.

When you come back to the UK give birth why not have an extended stay? Tell your midwives & health visitor about your situation.
They are always there to help & can hopefully advise you on what to do. Best of luck. Your partner sounds like a chauvanistic man.

Say you manage to move, you will need to pass the habitual residency test to get any benefits. Do you have any money to support all of you till then?
you will not automatically be given a house, even if 4/5 beds were easily available, which they are not. It’s up to the council to decide if you have deliberately made yourself homeless. If they don’t think so you will be put in temporary housing, and it could take years to get a suitable property. You may be stuck in a B&B till then.
If they believe you have made yourself homeless they won’t help. do you have the savings in place to pay for private rent? It’s not as easy as just turning up here and getting housed. Many many families that are residents here cannot get social housing.

When you went back to England to have your babies & register them-did you also take the other children with you?

Did you need his permission to go?

Is he on the birth certificates?

If things were Ok with your OH, would you want to stay in Poland?

I think you might have to look at separating in Poland to stay with your kids.