Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

[Starsugar]

My daughter is 11 (Yr 6) and a boy in her year has been repeatedly touching her chest, elbow, leg, bum etc and claims it is an accident. This started about a year ago and I have been in touch with the school several times. It did stop for a long while, so I thought they must have resolved it, but now he has started doing it again and I fear he had just moved on to someone else in that time. My daughter does not like it and feels he is doing it on purpose. She is quite developed for her age, has her period and it makes her feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea whether this child has issues or what his home life is like. In my mind I just assumed the school would deal with it in the best way as they know the child. The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening. They said they would split them up but this obviously hasn't happened. If this was happening to me at work it would not be acceptable and I dont want my daughter to experience this. Im not sure what the next step would be here, am I getting worked up over nothing?

How awful of the school. Keep kicking up a stink imo, and enrol your girl into self defence classes 🥺 (which you shouldnt have to even to). Yanbu x

That’s sexual assault. Go ballistic.

If they were adults this would be sexual assault. The fact it has happened multiple times means it is not an accident. Whether or not the boy realises what he is doing the school need to take action.

I would be on the phone pronto and get a meeting with the teacher or headteacher to make sure they understand it is not acceptable and do something about it.

You need to talk to the safeguarding lead and demand a meeting with the class teacher and your daughter present.
This is not on

Tell the school that if they don't do something sharpish you'll be getting the police involved for sexual harassment. That will light a fire under them if bet. No girl should have to put up with this shit at all. If your daughter isnt going to get in trouble with you then I'd tell her to smack him in the mouth next time he does it

She needs to physically push him away or smack him, even in the middle of lessons whilst loudly saying "keep your hands to yourself". You have plenty of evidence that this is a long running problem so she shouldn't be punished.

You are not over reacting. He needs to stop or be threatened with suspension.

As the school are downplaying it maybe complain higher and say the school are allowing your dd to be regularly sexually assaulted

11? If hes that age, I'd tell the school you are reporting the sexual assaults to the police, that should concentrate their minds. Any problems the boy has are not your daughters to solve.

Agree with others, it's sexual assault. I would tell the school that you are going to involve the police and mean it.

Agree. Report it to the police op.

Agree with others escalate this. Write a letter to chair of governors and headteacher. Is it a trust? If the school dont act write to leaders in the trust or if an LA school wrote to the local authority. Theyll listen then.

Actually agree with police action. If school wont act.

I would push back at the school for this. Accidentally is once, there’s no need for this boy to be so close to your daughter that he ‘accidentally’ touches her multiple times.

Of course he’s doing it on purpose - how many boys manage to go through their whole school career never touching someone’s bum. Honestly by now I’d have raised all hell with the school - she’s being repeatedly assaulted and they’re not taking it seriously. Go to the school, raise hell, keep your daughter home until they have a safety plan in place.

OP, raise it with school and also refer it to social services yourself. Where I live anyone can make a referral to a multi-agency hub for their consideration. It is in the interest of both your daughter and this boy that it is managed immediately. Social services will decide how to proceed. School may already have made a referral like this already but you referring directly will add extra information. You are not overreacting and I don't think this will sort itself out. So sorry OP. You sound much calmer than me. I would have lost my composure on this one.

I would not hesitate to invoke the police.

You need to escalate this and speak to the police, let the school know that as they've been useless it's out of their hands now.
If you have contacts for other kids in the class ask if their children have been similarly targeted.

If it was my Dd I'd be telling her that next time he does it she's to knock him on his behind by any means necessary

I agree with everything everyone else has said. Your daughter needs to know she is safe

School are also doing this boy a massive disservice by not tackling this sooner as if this behaviour continues he will rightly find himself in a whole world of trouble. He needs to learn how wrong it is and the impacts now before it’s an even bigger issue.

https://www.google.com/search?q=uk+referrals+to+mash&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#lfId=ChxjMe

This link explains making a referral to MASH.

You need to teach your daughter that her body is her own and nobody gets to touch it without her consent. Teach her to be angry not embarrassed or nervous. Whenever it happens she should be making a scene.

I would also be writing to the school governors about this issue and approaching the boys parents.

Don’t go quietly on this subject. You do not want your daughter to suffer any longer than she already has.

I’d be volcanically angry about this and agree with everyone else the words you need to be using with the school are “sexual assault” and safeguarding. Warn the school and his parents that if it doesn’t stop immediately you’ll call the police

Meanwhile I’d be telling her to very loudly say “don’t touch me” anytime he gets anywhere near her. Get her to make a fuss, get angry and demand that the teachers sort this out.

OP, you are absolutely not getting worked up over nothing, and at the very least, I would have expected them to run a PSHE lesson on personal space, appropriate touching and consent. I’d go back to school and say that if it doesn’t stop, you will be taking it to,the governors and the police. This is totally unacceptable and the boy concerned needs speaking to seriously before he gets himself into real trouble, as he will if he keeps this up. This is not a situation that can be ignored in the hope that it will go away.

Thanks everyone. I will definitely be contacting the school again. I had thought about the police but was worried I was taking things to far. Im just glad she felt able to tell us about it at least!

Safeguarding lead, safeguarding governor - contact both. Tell them head is not dealing with this.

They have a duty both to protect your DD and to help this lad who is on slippery slope if he does not sort himself out.

If your DD were accusing random boys of doing this then they might wonder if the problem was with her, but she is quite specific about the culprit and it must be dealt with.

Equip her with the tools to deal with it too - a firm no, reporting to the teacher. Make sure she knows that she chooses who touches her body.