Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

[Starsugar]

My daughter is 11 (Yr 6) and a boy in her year has been repeatedly touching her chest, elbow, leg, bum etc and claims it is an accident. This started about a year ago and I have been in touch with the school several times. It did stop for a long while, so I thought they must have resolved it, but now he has started doing it again and I fear he had just moved on to someone else in that time. My daughter does not like it and feels he is doing it on purpose. She is quite developed for her age, has her period and it makes her feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea whether this child has issues or what his home life is like. In my mind I just assumed the school would deal with it in the best way as they know the child. The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening. They said they would split them up but this obviously hasn't happened. If this was happening to me at work it would not be acceptable and I dont want my daughter to experience this. Im not sure what the next step would be here, am I getting worked up over nothing?

Once is an accident, more than that and it isn’t and needs action by the school.
Them saying he doesn’t mean to is really odd! I could understand it more if he has balance issues, visual impairment etc
I worked with a little girl who was visionally impaired and from small we had to teach her social spacing awareness (not standing toe to toe with people when talking, using her cane and not hands to feel her way etc) to avoid any potential awkward encounters. In this case I’m assuming because you’ve not mentioned any reason why this has happened, the boy in question is randomly doing it?
I have a son the same age and I’d be mortified if he was doing this, did the school say they had spoken to his parents and made them aware?!
It just sounds so odd that an 11 year old boy can keeping touching another child inappropriately and the school is washing their hands of it by saying it’s an accident.
I wouldn’t phone, I would email so your concerns are in writing and ask for a meeting with the designated safe guarding lead, which is usually a member of SLT.
Make it clear that it’s totally inappropriate, ask them how they are planning to manage the situation and that you will be reporting it to the police each time now so that every incident is logged.

100% agree with everyone else OP. School (and his parents, and police if necessary) need to nip this in the bud NOW - although they should have done so far earlier. It's only recently come out that one of the rapists in the Fordingbridge case had a history of sex offences going back to age 10 - this is exactly how their behaviour gets worse if not checked
Fordingbridge rapist had ‘history’ of sex offences

Try and find out when it’s happening.

In class they shouldn’t be seated next to each other.

At break time, the lunch staff need to be aware.

I’m wondering if not all staff have been told and so it’s happening away from the class teacher.

Raise it with the headteacher and threaten to take it further.

What has this been allowed to go on for a year?

This is obviously not 'accidental' and the school has done nothing which is totally unacceptable but I really think you should have acted much earlier on too.

At this stage I would involve the police.

This child is being repeatedly touched inappropriately and there is a serious lack of urgency in putting a stop to this.

You are doing right to push school on this it is totally wrong, at the least he doesn’t understand boundaries and worst he could have been the victim of sexual contact and doesn’t understand either way your daughter is being assaulted and they are allowing it, they have a duty to keep her safe and to safeguard him too.

No-my daughter had a girl constantly touching her at nursey-I think she had SEN, and I don't blame the chlid, but it's up to the staff to intervene and they reaarnged things with the key workers. Not the same as a man touching you at work, as an adult with such profound needs would be unlikely to be in your workplace (at least not without a risk assessment), but it is definitely not something I'd let go-the nursey told me about it, as they should.

No.

Your daughter doesn’t need to do anything. She is a child and has told adults that she is being regularly sexually assaulted.

The adults have a duty to act to protect her.
If they can’t or won’t, then the police need to be involved. Your daughter has an absolute right to be safe at school. The boy’s issues are not your concern.

Also clearly the boy has issues which will not be resolved if this is swept under the carpet, so reporting at this age (when there is still a chance he can be taught to change his behaviour) is actually doing him a favour.

@Starsugar can I ask where is your husband / your daughter's father in all this?

While I agree with others about raising merry hell at the school and / or talking to the police, there is a simple and straightforward way of dealing with this which is that an adult male (husband/father/brother even) has a "serious word" with this boy outside the school.

Show your daughter some self defence moves and how to give an excellent slap. Then she can practice saying it happened accidentally.

Op you have to take it as far as possible your dd is being assaulted in school which should be her safe space it’s not accidental it’s on purpose he probably knows it’s wrong but either way get your dd protected and if the police need to have words do that now. The school need a kick up the arse as well for allowing it. Contact the governors and council if it has them. Your poor daughter. Another boy starting early god knows what he will be like when he is older.

Great idea for a grown man to intimidate a 10/11 year old boy

That’s a great way for the father to have the police called on him and really unwise.

Take it up with the school, the safeguarding lead, the governing body and if needs be the police. Taking the law into your own hands is best avoided.

@Starsugar Be prepared for meaningless noises from the school if they failed to deal with it before. If the boy and DD are separated make sure its the boy who is moved and disrupted, not DD.

Also get the school to have an assembly and to have the police come in to discuss rights and wrongs to all kids appropriately aged to understand. The school is a joke btw.

Your DD is repeatedly being sexually assaulted. You call the police, Ofsted, the board of governors and the local authority. Do not delay. Sounds like the school is just hoping to get to the end of the school year and the boy won't be their problem anymore. The school is an absolute disgrace. The school is massively failing their safeguarding duties here.

In my Y6 class this year, a boy touched a girl- with clear intent- on her chest. He was suspended for a few days. Secondary school informed. Parents told. Boy spoken to about how wrong this was, girl offered counselling. My school often lets things go, but on this the HT rightfully went ballistic.
I am normally an advocate of schools, and teachers, as I know how wrong parents can sometimes be with their thoughtless, ridiculous demands, but the situation you describe is outrageous. The school is failing their duty of care towards your daughter. You need to call the police. You need to demand the HT sorts this out. I would never normally recommend this either, but I'd even put a message on class Whatsapp- without naming the child- along the lines of 'X has an issue at school, being touched/groped at school. If anyone else has had the same with their daughter, please let me know.'
Tell your daughter to raise her voice if he tries it again. Stop touching me, STOP!
Ask the school to teach the lesson consent/unwanted touching on the Y6 PSHE Scarf scheme of work.
Whatever you decide, good luck.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges#introduction

Yes. A lot of Y6 now is just about getting to the end of the year. But this, this needs sorting out right fucking now. As a conscientious teacher, I am outraged. Your poor daughter.

This sounds like ‘child-on-child abuse’ there is reference to how schools should address this in statutory kcsie (keeping children safe in education) documentation.

Also- what about the Residential? Is she doing this? If so, ask the school for their Risk Assessment for avoiding sexual assault in the evenings. How will they keep this boy away from your daughter at night? Are the dorms on different floors (they usually are.) Will a member of staff be on duty all night?

She needs self defence lessons - build her confidence up and if he comes near her again she is fully permitted to whack him.

Organisation OP.

In writing to the school, the teacher, safeguarding lead, head and the governors.

They need to keep him away from her.

Agree with all the above about pushing this until something is done to protect your daughter.

Also the boy is quite young, I'd be concerned he's been exposed to porn or abuse so he needs to be on someone's radar. You'll be protecting him by reporting to police or social services.

1. Police. And email the school head, safeguarding lead, and governors as well. Tonight.

2. While your daughter is absolutely entitled to shout and to defend herself physically, this can be very hard to do - and the latter could be dangerous if it's outside class, because he will be stronger than her. And shouting and shoving is easy for staff to ignore or to both-sides. Get her a rape alarm and tell her to use it next time he touches her anywhere on her body or tries to do so.

You are under reacting. I would not be sending my daughter to school until they had sorted this out.
Call the police. School are not dealing with it and it is assault.

Maybe I’m psycho but I’d find his parents and have a word, to be honest I’d probably get DH to do it as he’s much more composed than me. Keep going to the school and kick up a real fuss. I’d also be telling my daughter to punch him next time he does it and that she will absolutely not get in trouble from me or her dad for doing so.