Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

[Starsugar]

My daughter is 11 (Yr 6) and a boy in her year has been repeatedly touching her chest, elbow, leg, bum etc and claims it is an accident. This started about a year ago and I have been in touch with the school several times. It did stop for a long while, so I thought they must have resolved it, but now he has started doing it again and I fear he had just moved on to someone else in that time. My daughter does not like it and feels he is doing it on purpose. She is quite developed for her age, has her period and it makes her feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea whether this child has issues or what his home life is like. In my mind I just assumed the school would deal with it in the best way as they know the child. The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening. They said they would split them up but this obviously hasn't happened. If this was happening to me at work it would not be acceptable and I dont want my daughter to experience this. Im not sure what the next step would be here, am I getting worked up over nothing?

Absolutely agree with this and what I was going to advise.

Your poor DD. Being made to feel someone SA her is “accidental” 🤬

A boy in my son's school was doing this from the same age and carried on throughout high school as there wasn't enough done to protect the girls. At 18 he was arrested for sexually assaulting random women. He spent a short time in prison before being released. He remains on the sex offenders register. Recently he has been seen swimming in the local council swimming pool where there are mixed changing rooms. He won't have changed. Protect your daughter in any way you can.

I'm guessing that the school is thinking your DD and this boy are in Y6, so they just need to delaying anything until the end of the school year and the problem will no longer be theirs. Don't let them!

This is sexual assault and a police matter but it needs to be dealt with sensitively. I'd cut the school out of the loop and contact the police to ask about the options open to your poor daughter.

Your poor daughter. This happened to me at her age. It was an awful experience.

I ended up punching him in the face. I'll never forget the vice principal who stood up for me after it happened. She was wonderful. Your daughter's teachers are letting her down and need a kick up the arse.

In the meantime, tell her to be loud and call him out. If that doesn't work, deck him.

This happened to my child whilst in primary school. The behaviour was happening repeatedly and also to other children. The child would touch the other children’s bum and try to touch their privates and also try to kiss them. Numerous parents complained but we were always told “it was just an accident” or that they “don’t understand what they’re doing”.
In the end, I arranged another meeting with the head teacher and explained in no uncertain terms that this was assault and that I would be taking it further and contacting the police as they were doing nothing about the behaviour. I contacted them, the police agreed with me it was unacceptable and visited both the school and the child’s parents. It stopped after that and then the child was removed from the school by the parents. Keep fighting this because the school need to take this seriously and act accordingly. It’s disgusting that they are not.

Yeah you need to go fully nuclear on this.

First post? Daughter needs self defence classes.

What a world we're living in.

I'd encourage your daughter to go nuclear on him personally... And also go to the police.

The lad is 11 - he's criminally responsible.

Totally agree with previous posters. This is an urgent police matter. The school had an opportunity to resolve it and haven’t taken it.

Failure to do something now just teaches your daughter than she isn’t in charge of her body.

I would ring local police non urgent line anonymously and ask for advice being he is over 10 he’s now considered old enough to commit a crime

I would 100% no question involve the police.
I've worked with adolescent boys who exhibit harmful sexual behaviour, and that is what this is!

It isn't age appropriate, it's without consent, it's repeated... it's absolutely essential that this is dealt with properly before it can turn into anything more serious.
And from what you've said the school cannot deal with it properly.

I'm so sorry your daughter has been going through this.

Why does it have to be anonymous?

Why should she have to move class? The boy should be moved.

A male is touching your young daughter's breasts and you're worried the police might be taking it too far? No.

I would be finding out where the parents lived and going postal on them and yes involve the police and the school again.

The message dd is receiving is that basically it's ok for him to do this and she's expected to not mind. You've reported it, they've mumbled and messed around a bit. They had their shot.

Email to governors and report to the police. It should result in a visit to school by them to talk to dd and this boy, I hope that scares both boy and the school, as well as prove to dd that this is unacceptable and not something she has to deal with purely because of walking around in a female body. This also might get the school to wake up and sort it out not wanting Ofsted safeguarding or police on the premises again because they're not doing their job.

To pps saying encourage dd to yell and physically retaliate hard - I was badly bullied at school, remember vividly walking down a hallway being repeatedly stabbed in the bum with a compass while the bullies laughing behind me threatened what they'd do if I dared react or turn around. I was a nice kid with nice parents and nice teachers all of whom exorted the bigger person schtik and ignoring and rising above it - yeah that cost a lot of mental health issues, not least believing that I deserved abuse. It would have been so very much better for me mentally for a lifetime to have turned around, lost it, and gone for those twerps, and made it clear I wasn't taking it and I was not someone to mess with. A detention and a call home would have been very cheap at the price.

Go full nuclear on this OP. Show your daughter that she doesn't have to accept unwanted touching or attention from males.

The only way we'll turn the tide on these awful men is to teach our daughters they can say no and will be supported unconditionally.

Get incredibly angry that your poor DD has had to endure this.

It's not accidental if it happens frequently. This boy is 11 so over age of criminal responsibility. Write to Headteacher, Chair of Governors, Safeguarding Lead and inform police. It is assault. It is horrific for your DD. This boy must be made to face consequences of his behaviour.

This and now raise it in writing and tell them it is repeatedly sexual assault. Once an accident, twice for an 11 year old child warnings and now tell them your daughter is not being kept safe she is experiencing repeated daily / weekly assaults of a sexual nature and the school are minimising and victim blaming and they need to get properly tough about it.

If school strategies have failed to stop it you need to report to the police as sexual assault, and do not be fobbed off with an 'out of court disposal' where the boy apologises or whatever - the time for that has passed.

Copy of letter to headteacher (plus your previous complaints) head of governors and head of trust.

The school have had too many chances and so has the boy. I'd get the police involved now, not only to teach the school and boy a lesson, but to confirm to your daughter that this behaviour is illegal and a police matter. Hope she's okay.

From now on keep a written record of each and every occasion and the details of it as reported by your daughter. Encourage her to say 'Stop touching me' very loudly and firmly every time he does it, loud enough for adults to hear.

Letter in writing sent registered post to head teacher. . Copy in governers etc Bullet points. School failing to safeguard my daughter. All the points made above re message it’s giving.
Finish with what you want. Assurance kept apart in class etc etc. Make sure you empower your daughter to tell teacher loudly that she won’t sit beside x ‘because he assaults me ‘. She must understand that you’ll back her to the hilt.

Make your child’s problem their problem.