Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

[Starsugar]

My daughter is 11 (Yr 6) and a boy in her year has been repeatedly touching her chest, elbow, leg, bum etc and claims it is an accident. This started about a year ago and I have been in touch with the school several times. It did stop for a long while, so I thought they must have resolved it, but now he has started doing it again and I fear he had just moved on to someone else in that time. My daughter does not like it and feels he is doing it on purpose. She is quite developed for her age, has her period and it makes her feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea whether this child has issues or what his home life is like. In my mind I just assumed the school would deal with it in the best way as they know the child. The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening. They said they would split them up but this obviously hasn't happened. If this was happening to me at work it would not be acceptable and I dont want my daughter to experience this. Im not sure what the next step would be here, am I getting worked up over nothing?

Apart from all the good advice on contacting the school, I think it’s equally important to prep your daughter.

We are raised to be kind and polite as women. Expected to smile through discomfort. This makes us easy targets for predators. Women will sit quietly when assaulted on public transport, put up with all kinds of abuse because of this cultural norm that has been instilled in us.

Teach your daughter to be assertive and feisty. To raise hell when someone crosses her boundaries. To fight back when someone tries to abuse her. To not be scared to raise her voice. You won’t be there for her all her life to protect her and talk to the school. She needs to learn to fight back, do whatever it takes to send the message that she will not tolerate that behaviour.

I think we all agree that it's serious. But it doesn't have to be given label, just expain all of the incidents and exactly what happened, how many times you have already complained, and the effect it's having on your daughter. Underline that it's an official complaint which needs to be addressed by the head and the safeguarding lead in the govenors.

You can include that you intend to make a report to the police and the local authority (that's completely your judgement call).

Once is an accident.

For HIS sake it needs to be given a label. He needs to understand now that touching someone without their clear consent is sexual abuse and in just a few years time that behaviour could land him in massive trouble.

In some situations a softly softly skirting around the issue approach doesn’t help at all. Sometimes people need to realise how serious things are before it’s too late.

The school is acting really badly. I would take this further and raise it a a governors meeting.

I could've written this

Look up the escalation process - safeguarding leads, governers, etc. and consider stating that due to the seriousness, and lack of adequate action, you are considering next steps outside the school (police?)

As well as agreeing about speaking to the school plus giving your daughter the confidence to call him out when it happens, you would hopefully be helping the boy further developing an unhealthy attitude to women that will lead to future problems for him if unchecked.

why not put him in a different class?

This is completely unacceptable. This is sexual harassment, sexual assault and sexual abuse. The teachers should've had Sexual Harassment Training in their Safeguarding Training this year.

I would explain to your DD that it is acceptable to scream/hit/make a fuss when this happens. I'd love to explain to the school that your DD may break his nose if this is allowed to continue as part of a natural reflex response. I've accidentally broken the nose of someone who was sexually assaulting me. This behaviour is extremely concerning in a Primary School aged child too. Are the school addressing where these behaviours are originating from?

This is definitely something that needs to be reported to the school DSL (Designated Safeguarding Lead). It's officially reportable to the Police too.

So if an 11 year old boy rapes someone it's not rape because he is 11?

When Jamie Bulger was killed by 10 year old boys, it wasn't murder because they were 10?

This boy is a child still. He needs the responsible adults in his life (including the SLT at his school) to be making it very clear that what he is doing is wrong and illegal. Hopefully that will stop him doing the same thing when he is older. It shouldn't be brushed aside.

The age for criminal responsibility in England is 10. Once someone that age commits a crime they need to be held accountable. Of course the punishment for a young person should reflect their age. They shouldn't be sentenced as a fully developed adult would be but there definitely should be consequences for anti social or illegal behaviour.

report to the police (former teacher here- the school will only take it seriously if you become ‘that’ parent to them- which doesn’t matter as you’re daughter will be leaving this year).

Similar thing at my daughters school, my daughter is also year 6. Was a girl touching other girls inappropriately, and when being told to stop she didnt. My daughter went mad amd other girls it had been happening to also then told staff members what had been going on.
There was like 8 kids it was happening to, police spoke to all us parents together. Then literally the other day the police called to say they dont want to bring criminal charges against an 11 year old, however social services are working with the family and also with the school to safeguard everyone including the perpetrator.
Also jad an email off the school yesterday outlining extra time to speak to all of year 6 about touching amd consent ect. Who to go to in school of anything like this happens again, and also that the perpetrator will be kept separate from victims and have adult supervision the entire school day.

I can understand if your dauhjrer isnt confident enough to kick up a fuss in the moment (my oldest would be too scared), but this happened with my youngest who is alot more confident and assertive.
So my advice would be to let the school know that you are not letting this go. Try and encourage your daughter to kick up a fuss in the moment if she has the confidence to do so. If she doesnt have the confidence contact EVERYONE DfE, governors, OFSTED, the police ect. Give the school no choice.
Find out if you can if he is doing this to any other child, or if any other child is witnessing it happening.

No fucking way! You think SHE should be punished by being moved away from her friends because of unwanted sexual assault??????

I’d be accidentally touching him in a way he’d definitely find painful and unpleasant.

I'd report to the police and ask for it to be investigated as an offence. Just because its at a schoo it doesn't make it less serious or not a crime.

I'd be asking for a formal Victims Right to Review and looking at this page by Leigh Day, the collective letter of which says that schools that fail to address abuse may be in breach of equality law to see if you can find some helpful leverage.

Id inform the school if it happens again youll report it to the police.

If you can afford it, hire an attorney to write a letter to the school. That should remove the molester from her classroom. It's worth the money. I had to get an actual restraining order against a boy because he would not stop harassing my daughter. When there are no consequences, they do whatever they want. I am so sorry your daughter has to endure regular harassment and the school is doing nothing. It's criminal or it should be, not just him, the school as well. They have a duty to protect her. I found a website, copied in below. Maybe it has something helpful.

Here is website I found :
enough.campaign.gov.uk/what-is-abuse/unwanted-touching

How about raising it as a safeguarding with the local authority / social workers? You could even raise it against the school that they are a) failing to protect your daughter and b) presumably showing a lack of care and curiosity as to why this child is exhibiting these persistent worrying behaviours.

I would report to the police, then email the school to say due to a lack of action, you have had no choice but to report this to the police as the issue continues to persist. That should light a fire in them

Who the fk is the 1% that said the OP is being unreasonable?? Enablers of males who think they have the right to do what they want to females? Shame on you. If the school doesn't help go to the police. This behaviour needs stamped out now and forever. Girls and women are more vulnerable than ever. We are safe nowhere and if the school won't deal go elsewhere. At least your daughter tells you which is great. Protect her at all costs. ❤️

Responding here as a teacher of the same age group. The school is absolutely not doing their job in protecting your daughter. They have a duty of care towards your child. What is happening here is actually sexual assault. If they are not going to take their duty seriously then I would write a complaint to the school governors and make a referral/report to police myself.

Go to the police.

And Social Services under Safeguarding. I removed my daughter from a school over similar. Later I was in contact with the Safeguarding Team at Social Services over a different issue and mentioned what had happened. They were all over it and wanted to know.
That’s a route I wish I had thought of earlier.