To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

[Playcomment]

I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

Well, maybe not RIGHT behind. That, as we have learned, carries risk.

Bit of a stretch. He would be focused on the child in front of him, how would op’s arse connect with his face with a child as a buffer between them?
She could conceivably almost sit on a child’s head, I suppose…
But I doubt that’s ever actually happened, no matter how crowded the reception area gets.

😆

Well, I answered your question for you.

And wow, that's pretty gross. You think a woman tripping and falling onto a man means he's entitled to make unsolicited comments about doing something sexual to her? That's hugely inappropriate, and I don't see how it's notably different to cat calling, as in neither situation has a woman invited a man to make sexual comments to or about her.

Some of you ladies are absolutely cracking me up.

I wish we could split society in half - those who are emotionally intelligent enough to understand the nuances of humour, and the others.

Very childish but not something to get your knickers in a twist to this extent over.
OP, do you have rather a lot of time on your hands?

Well, your scenario had her brushing her tits on his face, so it generally would invite some sort of comment. It would hardly be unsolicited 😂

Yes, making unsolicited sexual 'jokes' about how you're glad to have gotten a woman's arse in your face for only a tenner, is the very height of emotional intelligence.

No, it didn't. It was accidentally tripping and falling. Falling over (whether on a person in a compromising position or not) does not mean you're soliciting sexual comments.

Where did you answer my question? This seems pretty cryptic.

Simple question: what does your husband think of this?

Answer: ...

Help me out, here!

Unsolicited is entirely different to reacting to a physical contact from someone.

And you entirely misunderstood what I wrote. You have the scenario of a bloke ending up with his face in a woman's chest and joking about motorboating. I said fine and that it extends to a woman ending up with her face in a bloke's chest and joking about motorboating.

There is a platonic way to joke about these things that you seem to be unaware of. I feel for your daughters because they're being brought up see hostility where it doesn't exist.

No, no it's not.

You are entirely unaware of the platonic middle that exists for those of us (men and women) who aren't in the letchy or frigid* camp.

Frigid not the right word... Uptight, pearl-clutching camp.

@OtterlyAstounding and that the woman should be grateful to the man for using sexual banter to make her feel better

"But I've already made it clear I don't spend time with people who think making unsolicited sexual comments to complete strangers (as opposed to solicited, amongst friends) is an appropriate thing to do, so I don't know why you're asking."

Yes, there is a platonic way to joke about these things. With friends, when you know it won't make anyone uncomfortable or be unwanted.

Anyway, like I said; bad faith.

Yes. And that somehow, thinking that strangers shouldn't make sexual comments to each other is uptight, pearl clutching, and frigid, as opposed to just normal adult maturity.

Honestly, it's not difficult to keep the jokey banter amongst friends, and be a normal, politely friendly adult around strangers.

There are a dozen light, breezy, polite ways to handle the situation and laugh it off that don't involve a man implying he's happy to have paid a tenner since it meant he got a woman's arse in his face. Casual sexualisation is just so unnecessary and inappropriate – and I doubt he'd have said the exact same thing if OP had been a man.

So why not just say your husband is in absolute agreement with you, if that's what you mean?

No bad faith.

I think you're part of the problem because you're so far to one side you leave no room for the perfectly appropriate middle. Which is where most of us function (the 92% demonstrating that). Your approach undermines the serious plight of others and makes devils of men who are not bad people.

I'm not sure how saying it's inappropriate and sexist to make unsolicited sexual comments to a woman, is undermining anything.

If anything, I'd say that normalising unsolicited sexual comments is unhelpful, and undermines attempts to stop men from cat calling, or making unasked for sexual jokes or commentary.

I think calling women that happen to disagree with and agree with a man dick pleasures is pretty vile, inappropriate and misogynistic.

*Panderers

As in "pandering to men (the people with dicks)"

HTH.

It undermines real issues in the same way that the boy who cried wolf undermined his own plight when the wolf actually came.

I seem to be the only person that sees two possible interpretations of what the man said. One is the sexual innuendo version that implies he enjoyed getting an arse in his face. The other is that he was being sarcastic and does not enjoy getting arses in his face. He could have said this to a male, he could also have said it about a different kind of accident like getting a drink spilled on you.

I think he admitted it was a joke when the staff approached him about it and he apologised.

I mean come on OP ... he's apologised.

How? No one is claiming something happened that didn't happen (as in he boy crying wolf), they're just saying that making unsolicited sexual comments to strangers is inappropriate.

@LuXun not quite sure about your other interpretation as he said he would have come months ago if he knew he could get arse in his face. I think it is pretty obvious what he was insinuating

And would a man really say he would have come to soft play months ago if he knew he could get arse in his face to another man?

Wow it was jokey banter and I’m the first to call men out when they are inappropriate. You shouldn’t have run to the staff you could have just said ‘woah inappropriate mate!’ And that would be it dealt with and finished. You made it into a way bigger deal. He didn’t make a sexual suggestion to you.