To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

[Playcomment]

I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

What's your husband's take on this?

This is absolutely hilarious.

'Good faith', my arse (hah).

Why would it make a woman feel better by a man saying something that has sexual undertone? Could he not have said something without that undertone

Well, no one likes sleazy men, but that was obviously meant as joke in an awkward situation.

He might not have liked a random arse in his face, but was making light of it. .

There seems to be a bit of a sense of humour failure, with trivial incidents, around at times. 🙄

You’re done, I think that’s wize!

92% of people are not going to change their thoughts to appease you.

Your posts are OTT, ridiculous and your own rules don’t seem to apply to you, only to us “dick pleasers” as you call Us!

What is hilarious?

What's his take?

Yes, of course. But he was taken unawares. Do you have your "Bum in the Face Quip" ready to deploy?

How would someone explain that joke to a young child, bearing in mind it was said in a soft play area.

If say there were a number of parents and children in school reception area. A man was knelt down at child’s level and a woman accidentally bumped into him so face and bottom were at same level. Woman apologised, he replied with ‘I normally have to pay good money for that’. Would that be okay? His excuse being it would make her feel better.

@Calliopespa interesting that his immediate reaction had sexual undertone though

she accidentally put her arse on (or near – OP doesn't seem to have been specific) his head, and immediately apologised for doing so.

😂The Apologist.

This thread just keeps giving!

There’ll be hordes of us right behind you 😁

Well I guess there are two ways you can approach a bum: sexual or functional/toileting.

If forced to choose - and admittedly it isn't a great choice - I'd probably rather mine was received that way, once it was being waved near a face.

@Calliopespa or you could just laugh or accept the apology.

I bet many a man has used the excuse ‘I thought it would make her feel better’ when using sexual banter. Not understanding why a woman would be offended if he shouted nice tits’ at her when she walked past, surely she should feel happy that he noticed them and complimented them.

Why would you need to explain it? Come on, people are bending over backwards to find issues with this now. I cannot imagine that any of the children I know would even register or care what a grown up was saying to another grown up when they've got an entire soft play arena to focus on.

@takealettermsjones so what about the school reception area scenario, would that be okay?

It's hilarious that, on Mumsnet, you're asking a woman what her husband thinks, as though his opinion matters more.

But I've already made it clear I don't spend time with people who think making unsolicited sexual comments to complete strangers (as opposed to solicited, amongst friends) is an appropriate thing to do, so I don't know why you're asking.

I suppose if she'd tripped (totally accidentally), and fallen on him, and her breasts had touched his face in the process, he'd be entitled in your opinion to make a joke about enjoying motorboating her?

Under what circumstances would op be shoving her arse into strange men’s faces in a school reception area?

You are right he could have just laughed: that was probably the best response.

But I still don't think it is the same as shouting out nice tits at someone minding their own business.

This was a near collision of bottom and face.

I agree the comment would be deeply inappropriate for someone who should have been prepared for the encounter, like a gynaecologist for example. But when taken off-guard we can react less than ideally. I think many people would have become cross and unfriendly. I probably would have if some bloke nearly caused me to face-plant in his butt.

I guess bending over to pick up a dropped piece of paper or similar.

But even in that scenario, the reaction would be unprepared and possibly not what you would normally walk in and say if not provoked by a bum in your face.

ETA I mean it is a bit like having a hot drink spilt on you in that circumstance. You might shout an expletive that you normally would not shout out in school reception.

You can either go through life with a lighthearted attitude or woth a stick up your arse, but the latter is just miserable.

OP has confronted the man, tattle-tales to staff, wanted him kicked out, posted on MN AND on Facebook. I mean FGS. Imagine being friends or colleagues with someone like this. If you didn’t like the comment, eyeroll and move on. The fact that MN of all places disagrees with OP says it all

I mean the polite thing to do would be to answer my question before coming back with one of your own, but sure.

With regard to the reception scenario, if none of the children heard it I wouldn't have an issue with it. I think that children are more likely to hear in a reception class though, so I would be more surprised if it was said there. I'd still laugh though.

That's the thing - different circumstances dictate what's okay and what isn't.

But you (and many others) are again missing the point. The OP is completely at liberty to dislike the joke and to prefer it not be made about her. The way to deal with that is to address it at the time, which she did, and the man apologised.

What's unreasonable is the reporting to staff, expecting him to be asked to leave, posting on a local Facebook group about it, and then still being angry enough to post on MN about it.

@KilkennyCats I explained how bottom and face could connect, a man had bent down to be at his child’s level, busy reception area woman got jostled into his face.

His bum would still be at bum level though. It wouldn't get hoisted to face level by bending over. The op would need to be sitting.

Truth be told, Nature designed us so it doesn't happen accidentally all that often: face at one end, butt at the other.

For the record, I don't think he should've been asked to leave for that one comment. Confronting him and getting an apology was enough. OP isn't being unreasonable to be upset about the comment, or to complain on Mumsnet, but I think telling him it's not appreciated and venting on MN is all that reasonably needs to happen.

Should always bend at the knees! For your back and fear of planting your arse in a man who also happens to be bending down to arse level behind you…

God, you're all about implying things that aren't there!

I haven't made any suggestion that your husband's view is more important than yours. I'm just interested in what he thinks as the closest male to you.

My husband and I work as a team, and sense check with each other.

Yup, if she tripped as her breasts ended up in his face, I think a joke about motorboating (generally) would be entirely appropriate. Same the other way around (i.e. if she fell into his chest). Just as with the original incident, it would be responsive to the circumstances which is something entirely different to, for example, unsolicited cat-calling.