To be disappointed with how soft play handled this man

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I reported an inappropriate sexual comment made by another parent at a soft play area yesterday.

I was climbing down from one of the raised areas with my DS and didn’t realise he was climbing up. I said a polite sorry and he replied not to worry and that if he knew his £10 entry included him getting an arse in his face he would have visited months ago. I challenged him and then reported to staff.

The staff approached me 10/15 minutes later to say they’d spoken to him and he had admitted saying that but was ‘obviously joking’ and he relayed his apologies, so they considered the matter sorted.

Personally, I think he should have been asked to leave. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and could have gone on to say similar to other parents present.

It’s boarderline. If it offended you then you absolutely should complain and the staff should speak to him. I don’t think expecting him to be asked to leave was necessary though.

It’s boarderline. If it offended you then you absolutely should complain and the staff should speak to him. I don’t think expecting him to be asked to leave was necessary though.

I’ve explained it. And why do you think you deserve these answers anyway? Nobody said anything to a teenager, this thread isn’t about a teenager. You have made your point terribly.

I can hardly believe the number on here excusing this man's uninvited and puerile "banter". Why do you need to pander to or appease these rude and objectifying men? So sad that women do this. This comes on the day of the first ever conviction for sexual harrassment based on jokes or banter. The defendant tried to claim it was only "banter". Fortunately the judge disagreed. YANBU OP.🌺

No it's not the worst comment in the world, but it's also the context. A kids' softplay area? That's gross. Teaching kids this crap is ok.

Also, women are allowed to not want comments made, when they're out with their kids or otherwise, and to speak up even if threads like this attempt to teach women they're not allowed to object to being objectified.

Because 'unsolicited' is a broad term. To make random sexual comments to strangerstotally unsolicited is completely inappropriate.

However, when a random stranger shoves their arse in your face - even by accident - making a comment which implies that wasn't entirely unwelcome is much more of a grey area.

No, you haven't.

I don't think I 'deserve' anything, but I'm on this thread, and made confused and curious by the bizarre 'it's just a joke' sexism women that are displaying on it, so I'm asking.

My point is, if (as some people have said) it's not sexual, then what exactly makes it inappropriate to say to, for example, a teenager? I feel as though figuring out why people who think it's a harmless laugh, also simultaneously think it wouldn't be appropriate to say to certain people, might clarify things.

But I don't think you have an answer, other than the fact that you've said you have lower standards.

I mean, you sat on his face! He made light of it to make you fell less uncomfortable about the embarrassing this you did. I'd have thought, thank goodness he laughed it off, and still have been mortified at myself that I didn't look. YABU for sure!

As to the difference between a 40 year old woman and a 16 year old teenager, because most of us would view even a fully consensual relationship between a 40 year old man and a 16 year old teenager as somewhat predatory and sus.

The law says there’s no difference.

Ahh, so if you accidentally put a body part near someone's face, it's okay for them to tell you that they found it sexually appealing? Interesting.

I disagree.

I have you just haven’t accepted it as you are repeatedly making the same point over and over about teenagers even though it’s not relevant. It’s pointless and doesn’t help OPs point of view at all

HE WAS MAKING LIGHT OF AN AWKWARD SITUATION

Suffragettes are turning in their graves. No one swimming but you are drowning in wokeness!

Here are jokes...then there are SEXUAL jokes in a place where kids are. Saying this is acceptable is normalising this kind of comment. Maybe just a firm comment saying to him why it was not appropriate would have e made him think a bit also but in the moment it is not so easy of you are caught off guard.

Of course, I agree. But it is, as it stands, entirely legal. So it would be legally fine and dandy for a man to react that way. I'm really not sure what the big deal would be, to those who think that kind of joke is harmless fun?

Personally, I wouldn't be happy if someone said that to me, my 25 year old daughter, or my 16 year old daughter, as it's an unsolicited sexual comment, and hugely inappropriate.

By saying he found OP's arse in his face to be sexually gratifying, such that he was happy to pay £10 for it. I think that just made things more awkward, by making an unsolicited sexual 'joke'.

Having a bum in your face and someone sitting on your face are two very different things.

This is why I love Mumsnet 😆

It's far from joke of the year - more like an awkward comment to make light of an awkward situation - but it's disturbing that adults are so quick to bypass the "roll eyes, move on" reaction and escalate straight to "complain to the manager to get someone THROWN OUT".

Did you actually feel threatened, OP? In danger? Unsafe? If this man's vibe was such that you did, my apologies - if any of that applies, you should certainly have been protected.

But if you just thought his way of trying to deal with awkward physical contact was not to your taste, this just strikes me as a bit of an attempted power move on your part.

Agree. What that guy said was utterly disgusting. And to those of you who say it’s banter, expect better!

That made me laugh

You are making the assumption that he found the OPs arse to be sexually gratifying, the majority see it as a joke and no actual reflection on how appealing or otherwise the OPs arse actually is (sorry if that disappoints you OP)

I don't believe you have actually explained why it's acceptable for a stranger to make an unsolicited sexual comment to someone.

Agreed and I don’t think the poor chap deserved to be publicly humiliated in that way.

Alright then, he made an insincere joke that implied he found OP's arse sexually gratifying, and was happy to pay for the pleasure of it.

Is it supposed to be better, that it was insincere? Does that make it less sexual, unwanted, or objectifying?

That’s not what you were asking, you literally said regarding your comparison to 16 year olds. There you go tho being all twisty again. What a waste of time